tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-45641586863792624222024-02-20T17:10:30.814-08:00Ovulation SuccessJonny and Brittanyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08753078434384482912noreply@blogger.comBlogger141125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4564158686379262422.post-41175771564265432022014-11-15T12:35:00.002-08:002014-11-15T12:35:19.934-08:00Hitting Rock BottomWelp. I tried really hard for a few weeks to avoid the inevitable rock bottom feeling. I kept myself too busy to deal with any type of emotional pain. It worked! haha! For a few weeks my house was spotless, dinner was on the table, my calling was taken care of, and all I felt great! And then a few days ago out of nowhere I stopped sleeping (dang insomnia) I had a hard time functioning the past two days. In fact the day Deklan was in preschool I slept literally all day- just couldn't get out of bed. My energy was shot. I fell off our dang ladder trying to get Christmas decorations out and bruised my butt and back like no ones business. HURT SO BAD! I realized at that moment that my body is a lot more frail these days. I have been sick for weeks. And then the worst of it happened. I lost my mind and forgot I had a client for a photoshoot (totally mixed up the days!) I felt awful!!! I realized I had lost my mind and am pretty sure this is all coming full circle back to me. This is what happens when you ignore trauma and pain I guess. Lame. I don't want to think about all of this but I need to figure out how to get back to normal. Whenever I feel sad I immediately feel guilt. How can I be upset when I was BARLEY pregnant and women deal with this all the time. How can I feel angry when I have a miracle baby already. As an outsider it's easy to say that all sounds ridiculous and it's obvious it's okay to feel pain- but for some reason I can't seam to wrap my brain around that idea/ I just want to move past it like it never happened. These are just my random thoughts today that I wanted to get out. Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day.<br />
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Yesterday my focus was ALL on Deklan. I put my phone down and had a date with my cute boy. We colored, played ball, chased birds, rode bikes, and had a picnic in the front yard. Felt good to just love on him. I love how carefree and happy he is :) Such a sweet boy! We also took grandma for a day to spend time with her- Deklan loved every minute!<br />
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<br />Jonny and Brittanyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08753078434384482912noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4564158686379262422.post-24863818227302028952014-10-27T21:12:00.002-07:002014-10-27T21:12:14.396-07:00Sharing My Story of baby # 3I have decided to share my story with my friends and family. I remember when first finding out we were pregnant, Jonny wanted to share the news immediately with everyone. I was hesitant after our last miscarriage... not wanting to have to get all excited and then retell the news something bad happened. Last time we found out we only knew for a day before the miscarriage had happened all on it's own. Not to say it didn't hurt, but we didn't know long enough to get ourselves excited. That made a big difference for sure.<br />
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This time was different. For weeks we would slowly tell family and close friends. People were finding out and things were feeling more real. After seeing a few ultrasounds and actually seeing a heartbeat I finally started planning how to tell everyone. I finally was getting the courage to get excited and believe the pregnancy was real.<br />
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Last Monday at 7 and a half weeks pregnant the baby stopped growing and we had to see the baby on ultrasound without a heartbeat. Jon and I were devastated. We found out we were pregnant about a month earlier. The moment we possibly could find out we did. We went to urgent care thinking I was sick. Come to find out I was pregnant- ON OUR OWN. <br />
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I couldn't understand WHY everything worked out the way it did. We found out early enough to make sure things were okay. At least that's what I thought. We kept going through hurdles- tests, low progesterone, low heartbeat- and then it ended. On my 30th birthday the miscarriage happened naturally. The baby actually looked like a baby. For days I have been a mess and unsure how to pick up the pieces.<br />
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Jonny didn't handle things well this time. Making it hard on me as well. Generally he is the strong one. So I can throw all my emotion on him and he just hugs me and lets me cry it out. This time he left. He had a trip planned for months to go hunting with a bunch of guys in Utah. The day we found out about the miscarriage I told him I still wanted him to go (deep down I wanted him to say NO way! You come first and there is NO way Id leave you like this.) I didn't tell him because I wanted him to just know what to do. To me it seemed so obvious. Then he left. I cried and cried and got so angry at him. Really angry. I'm sure all my anger ended up on him. When he got back though he looked refreshed.<br />
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He finally admitted to me he needed those days to process. He was I think even more excited than I was about this baby and forgot attached after seeing the heartbeat. To be honest I was so wrapped into my own emotions I forgot this would hurt him too. When we were together that week I was crying and angry making it difficult to take the time he needed to grieve as well. Now I get it and am glad he went. Oddly enough by the end of that day and a half by myself I realized he gave me the time I needed as well. He made up for it by surprising me with an overnight babysitter (my sister) couples messages and a super nice resort to just be together. I will say it tested us though. We were both angry and took it out on each other.<br />
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My mom gave me a book that I was hesitant to read. To be honest I really didn't want to hear anything from anybody. Even the positive stuff like "yes you will get pregnant again." Or "You will have the chance one day to raise this baby." I didn't believe it and couldn't see past the hurt. All I could see was that it wasn't fair. I was angry. And then I began to read this book called Extraordinary Comfort by David Assay. He wrote about an experience of his mom passing away and going to the "other side." She came back to tell them that she had met her baby that was still born at 6 months pregnant along with another grandchild that her daughter had miscarried. She talked about these babies being ours still. The book was exactly what I needed in that moment. A reminder that there is hope and I am definitely not alone in this.<br />
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"Life's not always fair. Sometimes you can get a splinter even sliding down a rainbow." -Terri Guillements. That is exactly how I felt. What was the purpose in this amazing miraculous pregnancy? Was it meant JUST solely to haunt me? I am slowly realizing that this is just one of life's most difficult challenges and it was meant to help me remember what I DO have.<br />
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"Here is the test to find whether your mission on earth is finished. If you're alive, it isnt." -Richard Bach. I still have MORE trials to go through- we all do, and that's okay. Every trial I have been through has somehow made me stronger.<br />
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My heart right now aches with grief I never knew existed. This loss rocked my foundation to the core. Yet through all of this pain something beautiful rose up from the ashes. I feel moments of peace through my grieving. I feel shattered and broken but I recognized an inner strength that I have. Despite the loss, I can't imagine now NOT feeling the joy of this child's conception. Which is why I am sharing with all of you. Regardless of how this ended, this baby's short life WAS in deed a miracle and for a reason. That little spirit will always be a part of our family. That may not make sense to a lot of you- or seem extreme with how short the pregnancy was, but to me that short month we knew we were pregnant felt like an eternity of hopes and dreams wrapped up in one little package. That baby WAS loved and excited for and we were blessed to carry them for that short period of time. And as much as it hurts, I am grateful I got to experience that. I am not the same person I was just a month ago- the experience has forever changed me. "A miracle isn't always the miracle we're hoping for: But that doesn't make it any less of a miracle." -Hana Haatainen Caye<br />
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Jonny and Brittanyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08753078434384482912noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4564158686379262422.post-81039763750242634952014-10-25T22:04:00.000-07:002014-10-25T22:04:07.934-07:00I can do hard thingsToday was hard. This week was actually all really hard. But I am starting to feel better. My mom took me to lunch this morning and after running around a bit I felt a big gush of blood again. I had bleeding a lot but this was pretty bad and made me feel pretty weak. After resting a bit and doing some reading and LOTS of crying I started to feel a lot better. Maybe that's what I needed. A good cry and some positive reading. I finally started to feel a little hope. All of the sudden I remembered that this is just one of the many hard things I will go have to go through in this life and I can handle it. I'm strong and can do hard things. I know I will still have moments of weakness. Seeing pregnant women and babies already stings a little even though I know deep down that doesn't change what I'm going through. My little sister is pregnant too. We were SO excited to have babies only two months a part. I'm realizing that it's going to be a reminder probably that I should have a baby too. Again I am honestly happy for her she deserves this just as much as I do- it still stings. Jonny forced me to tell him what I'm grateful for today to try to see a little light- I was so angry at him for it even though I know I needed to do it- so I wrote about it. It worked. I have so much to grateful for- and most importantly I have a REALLY bright spot in my life. I have my little boy. If ALL I get in this life is him it's all I need. He brings so much light in our home. The day I miscarried he snuggled me while I cried. He patted my back so gently like he knew. It was so sweet and exactly what I needed. These were from a few weeks ago at my sisters wedding. The week we announced we were pregnant to most our family and friends. We only made it 8 weeks but to me that felt like an eternity. Either way I am grateful for this little mammas boy I have- he will always be my miracle baby. Sorry awful photo of us dancing that night but he is the sweetest :)<br />
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Jonny and Brittanyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08753078434384482912noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4564158686379262422.post-73957382555583679372014-10-24T17:50:00.000-07:002014-10-24T17:50:03.338-07:00The worst 30th birthday of all timeI figured I should keep documenting for myself. I know I probably have only five readers on this thing- but I am still so grateful that I have documented almost ALL of my infertility journey on here and go back to it often. Today is my birthday. I turned 30 years old. It's a big birthday. A crazy one that reminds me I'm getting REALLY old. Last night I started cramping a lot and getting brown spotting (nothing too crazy) but I knew it would take a few days at least for this to happen. I only had half a day on my birthday to spend with Jonny because I had to drop him off at the airport today at 2. We planned on getting my mind off of things by going out to breakfast and going shopping to buy me clothes. Spending money tends to make me feel better even though half of what I get I end up regretting later. haha! My body definitely had something else in store for me today. I woke up early in the morning with horrendous cramps and jumped straight in the bath to try to use heat for the pain. I even tried pain killers and that didn't even touch it. Blood was pretty much pouring out of me. Jonny went out and got me breakfast and ginormous diaper pads since I can't wear tampons obviously. After hours of pain I did eventually pass the baby. It was a perfect round quarter size sac. I couldn't believe it but I could actually see a baby (TEENY tiny) but it was the baby. My baby. I could see the cord that attached it to the placenta and it's eyes- and even what looked like little arm buds. I balled all morning. I couldn't control my emotions at all. Jonny's sweet sister came over and watched Deklan while I of all things- DID go shopping. I was in so much pain trying on clothes but didn't care- I knew being at home crying would be much worse. After dropping Jonny off at the airport now though I am all alone at my house. I know I could have gotten a sister or friend to be here for me but in all truth and honesty I have just wanted to be at home alone to veg. Hopefully tonight I can get some good rest and the cramps maybe subside. I have hit a wall emotionally and am just at that point I want this behind me. I am tired. Tired at how hard and unfair this is. I know I will get through this but today...today is a really bad day. Jonny and Brittanyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08753078434384482912noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4564158686379262422.post-70377490716143147892014-10-22T17:36:00.001-07:002014-10-22T17:36:15.222-07:00Another Angel BabyThis post is hard to write. My last post I wrote that I never posted
was from 3 and a half weeks ago ( I am posting it now for my reference)
when I found out I was somehow pregnant ON MY OWN. It was a loooong
month of emotions that ultimately led to today. My final ultrasound that
I got to see a sweet little baby with no heartbeat. I knew instantly.
The traumatic part was seeing how much the baby grew from just a week
and a half ago. It looked like the baby probably stopped growing in the
past day or so. I was strong during the ultrasound. Part of me just
couldn't accept what the Dr. was saying. He was telling me it's not your
fault, and this couldn't be prevented, and apologizing for the awful
news- but I couldn't really hear it. Then instead of the normal
ultrasound pictures- he handed me a cup ...to pass the baby in and gave
me three options of a DNC, naturally letting the baby pass, or drugs to
force contractions. That's when I lost it. He gave Jonny and I the room
and said take your time.<br />
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Each week the pregnancy felt
more real and I would get more excited- so yes this is hard for me. I'm
grateful Jonny was able to be there through all of this but I could tell
it was hard for him to see the baby as well. We both were excited-
talking about double strollers, life with two babies, how to announce
this to the world, and how blessed we were to have this happen a few
months before doing in vitro. We spent over TWO GRAND in Dr. appts and
ultrasounds in just the past month. It's the last thing I was worried
about but ALL of it sucks pretty bad. And before anyone says "maybe you
were meant to do in vitro and have twins in a few months." This is NOT
what I need right now. Honestly the hard reality is that it hurts and it
sucks and I just need time to heal. Right now I don't want and can't
think about the possibility of future babies because I wanted THIS baby.
The baby that is STILL sitting in my uterus and wont be very soon. I
got attached to THIS particular baby. Today I am angry and sad and
scared.<br />
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I will be okay- I know I will but for now I am
mourning the loss of the baby I was supposed to have. The hardest news
for me today is when my fertility brought up the harsh reality that now
that I have had two miscarriages in a row my chances of miscarriage
jumps from 15 percent (a normal amount) to now 30 percent. Regardless
of doing in vitro or not. I'm already terrified but this just adds to
that. I can't imagine going through this pain again. It feels better to
write out my feelings...but its hard. Jonny and Brittanyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08753078434384482912noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4564158686379262422.post-58347783508611177852014-10-22T17:34:00.001-07:002014-10-22T17:35:16.991-07:00Baby # 3I am freaking out as I type this because this is definitely one of those things that I am having a hard time keeping secret. Let's discuss "the plan" real quick. Since my last visit at the Dr's office- which was August 20th- I was put on birth control and "planning" to do in vitro in about November December time. The main reason I couldn't do November was simply the fact my sister was getting married and my transfer would have been the week of the transfer. Obviously would not have worked. I took three days of birth control pills and stopped when I found out our insurance would possibly cover pregnancy and I might as well literally wait ONE more month for that. Anywho we went on a few trips, SanFrancisco, newyork, and kept ourselves busy. I caught a cold and a UTI the week I was supposed to go to Disneyland (SUCK) So I went to urgent care.<br />
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I spent HOURS there which was super annoying going over the normal. No I'm not pregnant, I'm seriously POSITIVE I'm not pregnant. I told the nurse we are doing in vitro next month lady so leave it alone. She checked anyway. I was by myself because Jonny was watching Deklan at home. The Dr. came in and finally sat down, Well, your urine test came back negative for a UTI...totally non chalant he says, "oh but you ARE pregnant."<br />
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I am pretty sure my face went white and I started shaking, and he's like I thought you might freak out. Um NO Dr. YOU DO NOT understand...I am not pregnant. I have only been pregnant ONE other time than doing in vitro- and it was a few months after my son and I miscarried. He kept talking...about possible infections but I am pretty sure I heard NOTHING because I was in shock. The nurse came in all excited and was like "OH my gosh we were all freaking out when we saw it came up positive so fast!!!! How are you not more excited?" I simply said- there must be a mistake I need to talk to my fertility dr...like now. I went home and handed Jonny my "test result" paper that says real big YOU ARE PREGNANT so start taking your vitamins. He started crying and hugging me which made me cry. I wanted so badly to be excited but I couldn't. I was scared to get attached. I took 6 pregnancy tests in the next week. One a day and every day the line got darker.<br />
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Still didn't believe it. I got a blood hcg test at the OBGYN next to my house that got me in days after I found out. She took WAY too long for the results and I was calling like every few hours (enough where the PA told me I'm impatient) I was furious. She had no idea what I had been through. SO I went to my fertility dr who got me results in HOURS. My first HCG was over 1,000 and my second a few days later had over doubled. I didn't believe it! I started to get excited and think how I can finally surprise my family that I got pregnant all on my own. The my RE told me my HCG was scary low. a 5.3 so her put me on progesterone. It's been a whirlwind of a few weeks.Jonny and Brittanyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08753078434384482912noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4564158686379262422.post-36857729416144491552014-08-13T13:54:00.000-07:002014-08-13T13:54:30.094-07:00First Office Visit...CHECK! I seriously can't believe it myself but I FINALLY bit the bullet and went to see my fertility Dr again for the first time in YEARS now. Strange since I practically lived at his office for so long. It was the weirdest thing but I didn't sleep a wink the night before and all day was on pins and needles waiting to get into the office. You would think I was doing the transfer that day or something. I was WAAAAAYYY more nervous than the first time I had ever gone. I was trying to figure out why this felt like such a bigger commitment than last time. I think maybe because I know how much work in vitro is and am terrified of the thought of the emotional roller coaster I am about to embark on.<br />
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Also we are DEFINITELY putting in two embryos this time which means I could have lots of babies running around my house real soon. The moment I saw Dr. Larsen I gave him the biggest hug and already started to feel so much more excitement about this. He went over every question I had and then some. His biggest concern was the fact Deklan came 6 weeks early and he was unsure how many embryos would be best for me. He felt that two was a good amount this time because it's only a 2-3% chance of each of those splitting into two MORE babies. I was terrified of two embryos turning into three or four. So that eased my worry a lot. Since Deklan came early by being induced for low amniotic fluid and not me going into actual labor early he felt comfortable with two embies. And so do I. Jonny has insisted on us having twins and as terrified as I am of the thought of two newborns I also think it would be kinda fun! As long as they are healthy that is what matters most to me.:)<br />
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I feel I am totally being long winded in this but I don't want to forget a thing. He wanted to get me in for his October cycle but it was the week my sister is getting married and the reception is at my house. We both decided that was too much stress and to do November. THEN the part that scared me. Our insurance. We have avoided coming into the office for a year now because my insurance does not cover maternity. We finally couldn't wait anymore and just said screw it let's just pay for all of it. My Dr. though had let me know that with the new Obama care apparently people who own small businesses like my husband WILL be allowed to have maternity coverage starting January. So....if I wait a FEW more months for the transfer I will be able to save at least 10 grand for the pregnancy and delivery. We are still calling our insurance tomorrow to see if there is ANY way to switch our lame plan we are on now so we can do the transfer in November but I highly doubt that will work. What's a few more months I guess right? So...for now the plan is to get ALL my testing done. He gave me a drug to start my way late period hopefully next week. I go in on Day one of my cycle and test my blood for a whole bunch of stuff, do an ultrasound to check how my ovaries are doing with cysts, an do a hysteroscopy. SO. Good news...I am getting started!!!!!!!!! The testing is only good six months- and it's expensive. So the reality is there is NO way we will not do this in the next few months!!!<br />
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This is a throwback of Deklan at a whopping 4 pounds- he was SO tiny and I hardly remember what to do with a newborn anymore :/<br />
<img src="https://fbcdn-sphotos-b-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-xfa1/v/t1.0-9/525121_3546765071456_713839001_n.jpg?oh=9e8307b9d4de164bcf459603f5883574&oe=548209AA&__gda__=1415631458_4544a1bcf7a21073626c7df6b16095e7" />Jonny and Brittanyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08753078434384482912noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4564158686379262422.post-12062462033927991292014-08-04T13:56:00.000-07:002014-08-04T13:56:01.995-07:00August 11thIt's a big day for me and the closer it get's the more nervous/excited I get. I'm not sure who all is following this blog anymore but the truth is I love this blog. I love being able to look back at my feelings throughout my pregnancy with Deklan, my whole in vitro process, the ups and downs, the miscarriage, and all the in betweens. So I've kept it. This is my honest place and I keep it that way so I can remember all I went through for each of these babies:) I don't blog a lot (I feel that may change here real soon :) August 11th is my FIRST appointment back with my infertility doctor. I am SO excited to see him again and start up the process with baby #2.<br />
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I am really nervous this time. I have tried to pretend I'm fine- but truth is I have heard so many situations of in vitro NOT working that I am starting to think Deklan was a lucky first try:/ I once again do NOT have anyone to talk to and am feeling pretty alone. At least I don't feel like anyone try's to understand my feelings. I get a lot of "You need to think positive." or "It worked the first time around so you need to think it will work again." I OF COURSE would LOVE to feel that way, but would love for someone to just say- it's OKAY to be scared. I know that must be hard. It doesn't matter if it worked last time I"M STILL SCARED. I think once these people have to pay 8 or 10 grand for every POSSIBILITY of having a baby maybe they will understand how scary it really is.<br />
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The positive in all this- I am excited at the possibility of having twins. First time around that scared me and now I feel ready for it :) We are putting in TWO embryos this time. We have a total of 7 frozen embryos right now. I am pretty sure my doctor is having us go through a month of testing first. He makes us retest every six months with fertility treatments. That's about $1,000 but it's the first step so I'm excited to take it. I'm just praying my body is ready. If all goes well with that we do about a month of drugs (lots of shots and injections- but not as much as last time thank goodness!) And the office wanted to do the transfer in October. My little sister is getting married in October and I'm, a little nervous this could get in the way. Unfortunately with in vitro you don't just pick a date for a transfer you really have to be at the office like three times a week and base it off what your body says. Last year my transfer date fell the DAY after my best friends wedding making things stressful and I am trying to avoid that all together this time if possible. So- either early October or early November will be the big transfer! All I can think about right now is how cute of a big brother Deklan will be! :):) So...here we go round 2! FINALLY! Let's do this :)<br />
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In the mean time let's just say this toddler keeps me busy :)<br />
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<img src="https://scontent-a-pao.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-xpa1/v/t1.0-9/10426697_10202528745603533_988554722106636513_n.jpg?oh=9e95a2f3c14b060ff88661b3830db8c4&oe=54530C43" /><br />
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<img src="https://fbcdn-sphotos-f-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-xpf1/t1.0-9/10492504_10202706104877404_7294783675638734831_n.jpg" /><br />
this happens way too often...haha<br />
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this was our failed attempt at potty training :)<br />
<img src="https://fbcdn-sphotos-a-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-xpa1/v/t1.0-9/10505491_10202822002574774_1313538735580739869_n.jpg?oh=f9e31ad177ae40a3f5d397a906129779&oe=5459E3A5&__gda__=1414837683_1d54ee8fe88aeeebe87fdbfae7dd3403" /><br />
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<img src="https://fbcdn-sphotos-e-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-xfa1/v/t1.0-9/10527821_10202723300307279_4385811886580986879_n.jpg?oh=f4af54c43d3962f82c0c5ae2cad959b2&oe=5454175D&__gda__=1414137008_035689f11bf045b95cb4ce9328d956d0" />Jonny and Brittanyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08753078434384482912noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4564158686379262422.post-85504533416860837642014-06-02T00:52:00.002-07:002014-06-02T00:56:07.118-07:00Test Tube BabiesIt's funny how fast I feel guilty for writing a negative post like my last one. Truth is, I am very blessed and don't have a lot of room to complain. I live a good life (FAR from perfect but good)- My husband is a professional network marketer. He is really good at what he does. It has allowed him and I to be semi retired at this point. Basically we travel together and do meetings for groups of really cool people. And we make sure to always have fun wherever we go. It makes life busy but fun. Jonny is home to raise Deklan and I can't imagine it any other way now. <br />
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I have realized that with infertility you have good days and bad days
like anything else. Bad days I hate all pregnant women and assume they
have no problems in the universe (obviously not true) Simply because
they had a cute round belly, or a sweet tiny baby in a stroller their
life MUST be easier than mine. Those are the days I
refuse to go to a baby shower because it just made me angry. What I
learned after having Deklan is that I couldn't have been more wrong.
Every journey is a hard one. Its full of hardships, setbacks, and
obstacles that feel impossible. Those feelings seep in every now and again but truthfully they are usually under control. Having a crazy little toddler running around has made me understand that motherhood is amazing but it's hard work. <br />
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When my hormones DO get the best of me they remind me that I get to make babies the difficult way. When I say difficult I mean- legs up in stirrups in a white, quiet not to mention COLD room and a full bladder. All I can say is that I am GRATEFUL for modern medicine because without it we wouldn't have our son. I am reading a book right now on infertility from the famous Cindy Margolis, who had to do in vitro back when it wasn't necessarily accepted. It got me thinking to when I learned about this process back in highschool. Funny thing is I was always fascinated with ANYTHING about babies. I actually wrote a report about "test tube" babies and whether or not it was a moral thing to do. Little did I know that this would be MY method of getting pregnant. I would love to find what I wrote then and I am pretty sure it was a two sided paper.I had no clue what I was talking about then...but I do now.<br />
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While LOVE making (intimacy wise) is NOT how an in vitro baby is made- these babies are made with MORE LOVE than one could imagine. It's a lot of work from BOTH partners equally, a lot of emotions, and a lot of hope. The one thing I know for sure is that these babies are still sent straight from heaven and are meant to go to certain families. Deklan is ours and to me is just like any other baby. I don't delete my negative posts because they are real. I try to be transparent and always will be. Plus it's a good reminder later on for me to see ALL of how I felt. The good, the bad, and the ugly :) Tonight I feel grateful.<br />
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<img alt="" class="spotlight hidden_elem" src="https://scontent-a-lax.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-xfp1/t1.0-9/p417x417/1395313_10151914871784805_967631391_n.png" /> Jonny and Brittanyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08753078434384482912noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4564158686379262422.post-75367627869485421592014-05-31T22:37:00.001-07:002014-05-31T22:37:32.139-07:00Gosh Darn PCOS<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Holy cow is every person out there right now pregnant? Or maybe a baby is just the only thing on my mind as of late. I'm focusing on it. In terms of my nerves it's never a good thing to focus on one thing that hard. Especially something out of my control.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">I prayed to not have any of the jealous feelings come back- but they are. I try to just ignore the problem but the truth is that I can't get pregnant the normal way. it's not happening. I decided to do some research on PCOS being that it's been a few years and maybe just maybe there was some new treatment out there for me. Reading all of the symptoms and what it can cause later on in life just had me fuming. I can't help but get angry that my body doesn't work. I TRY so hard to remember that it could be much worse, and there are so many people out there with worse problems- but it's still hard. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">I thought maybe this could be easy this time. My imagination still wishes I could magically take a test with two lines, and find some exciting way to share the news with my husband and then family. I guess the whole- heading back to a Dr.s office where a microscope is put straight on my woman parts is not ideal. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">My symptoms of PCOS are back in full force right now for some reason...a nice massive large cyst on my left ovary that hurts all the time. What I am realizing is that my body is out of wack right now and needs some attention. As much as I want to rush into the Dr.s office for baby #2 RIGHT NOW, I need to nourish my body and soul to move forward. That and I am still stuck waiting on an insurance situation. While I wait (fingers crossed its soon) I am going to try to workout and eat better (UGH) I know I need to and have been avoiding it. Sorry for the unload of negative feelings. Gotta get them out somewhere. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">And on a positive note- Deklan is my bright spot in life no matter what. :) He just turned TWO and is the sweetest boy ever. If ALL else fails I do feel blessed to have this perfect little man around. We just got back from our ten year anniversary trip to Europe and here are some of the photos :)</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><img alt="" class="spotlight" src="https://scontent-a-lax.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-xfa1/t1.0-9/10171001_10202129907632833_2131451105_n.jpg" style="height: 640px; width: 640px;" /> </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><img alt="" class="spotlight" src="https://scontent-a-lax.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-xpa1/t31.0-8/10339425_10202305735628423_8162620916689232450_o.jpg" style="height: 650px; width: 434px;" /> </span><br />
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<span style="clear: left; float: left; font-size: large; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" class="spotlight" height="425" src="https://scontent-a-lax.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-xaf1/l/t31.0-8/1658395_10202201768909320_5818077427587398107_o.jpg" width="640" /> </span><br />
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<img alt="" class="spotlight" src="https://scontent-b-lax.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-xpf1/t31.0-8/10275306_10202393093652319_144210980278825050_o.jpg" style="height: 650px; width: 650px;" /><br />
Jonny and Brittanyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08753078434384482912noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4564158686379262422.post-4639352067131147192014-02-24T00:27:00.000-08:002014-02-24T00:58:22.802-08:00Tips for Surviving Infertility<br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhdRJaIMyJYt5-se_U-0Sz_Q89HtASzIta8eH1jw6Ifl046FQPQovnECGTdBo1VhWA36gv7BFTkAPjclZdJO10sLmODbigCrBx5e9RsRDQPbYAxW68LzfOTE3p2QocGzHz7boiIKW-kN3sD/s640/10tips.jpg" height="400" width="400" /></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">As I was trying to give my sister some advice it got me thinking back to my feelings of the beginning of infertility. I was thinking WHAT could I say to myself back then that could possibly be helpful with the knowledge I have now. So I came up with a few tips that I WISH someone would have explained to me when I was truly in the thick of it all. If I could even help one person out there with ONE of these tips then it would be worth taking the time to write it. When doing some research I found a blog post that wrote JUST what I was looking for. </span><a href="http://amateurnester.blogspot.com/2014/02/10-tips-for-surviving-infertility.html" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;" target="_blank">HERE</a><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> </span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">is the original post I found - I am</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> just adding to it some of my</span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> thoughts and experience.</span><br />
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<b style="background-color: white; line-height: 22.399999618530273px; text-align: justify;"><span style="color: #93c47d; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">1. Do your homework</span></b><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #666666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; line-height: 22.399999618530273px; text-align: justify;">I didn’t realize how little I knew about fertility until I was faced with infertility. You may know the basics of the birds-and-bees, but do you really understand the finer points of reproduction? Do you know what fertility treatments actually involve? There are so many fabulous resources.I can't tell you the amount of hours I spent doing research online. The more educated I was the more in tune with my body I felt. I suggest you start by seeking out a few credible, trustworthy resources and learn as much as you can. Some of my favorites are:</span><br />
<ul style="background-color: white; color: #666666; line-height: 1.4; list-style: none; margin: 0.5em 0px; padding: 0px 2.5em; text-align: justify;">
<li style="line-height: 1.5em; margin: 0px 0px 0.25em; padding: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><a href="http://www.resolve.org/" style="color: #8e7cc3; text-decoration: none;" target="_blank">Resolve: The National Infertility Association</a> (website)</span></li>
<li style="line-height: 1.5em; margin: 0px 0px 0.25em; padding: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0060881909/ref=as_li_ss_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=0060881909&linkCode=as2&tag=christia035-20" style="color: #8e7cc3; text-decoration: none;" target="_blank">Taking Charge of Your Infertility</a> by Toni Weschler (book) </span></li>
<li style="line-height: 1.5em; margin: 0px 0px 0.25em; padding: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0310249619/ref=as_li_ss_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=0310249619&linkCode=as2&tag=christia035-20" style="color: #8e7cc3; text-decoration: none;" target="_blank">The Infertility Companion: Hope & Help for Couples Facing Infertility</a> by Sandra L. Glahn (book)</span></li>
<li style="line-height: 1.5em; margin: 0px 0px 0.25em; padding: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><a href="http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/infertility.html" style="color: #8e7cc3; text-decoration: none;" target="_blank">National Library of Medicine: Infertility</a> (website) </span></li>
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</ul>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><img alt="#infertility. I am so close, though .... each day gets harder ..." src="http://media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/3e/ae/99/3eae99a915fc54782390ec5adbff28b9.jpg" /></span><br />
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<b style="line-height: 22.399999618530273px; text-align: justify;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #93c47d; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">2. Seek out community</span></b><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; text-align: justify;"><span style="color: #666666;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; line-height: 22.399999618530273px;">Infertility is more common that we think, but it can still be difficult to find others in your life who are willing to openly discuss it. You must be intentional about getting to know other people who have experienced it. If you don’t know of anyone in your “real life,” the internet is full of wonderful infertility communities. Do a Google search for “Infertility blogs” or “infertility forums” and you’ll find many wonderful sites. Or, check out some of the blogs of the wonderful women (and a few men!) who leave comments on my site. I have met some AMAZING friends online. Now that I know these women so well it feels strange I met them through my blog. This is the one thing in the beginning I WISH I would have had and didn't. Having a place to truly vent to people who understood was the best therapy for me. If you don't feel comfortable make up a name and start a blog- you don't have to use your true identity...in fact a lot of people don't and that's okay. The most important thing is to connect. </span></span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; text-align: justify;"><img alt="Own your life. You've come a long way. Your story can make a difference in another person's journey." src="http://media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/2b/b7/56/2bb756012547238cda78fead22734c4c.jpg" /></span></span><br />
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<b style="background-color: white; line-height: 22.399999618530273px; text-align: justify;"><span style="color: #93c47d; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">3. Be patient with yourself</span></b><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #666666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; line-height: 22.399999618530273px; text-align: justify;">As cliche as it sounds, infertility is a journey. We don’t know how our infertility will be resolved, and we don’t know how long it will take. For some people, a few pills fix everything; others face years of IVF, surrogacy, or adoption. It’s easier said than done, but try be patient with the process and patient with yourself. It's okay to feel sad or have an off day. Give yourself credit and know that you are doing your best. I know I went through phases where moments I was angry and bitter and others I was sad and depressed and had no where to turn. Own those feelings and find ways to move forward. </span><br />
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<img alt="16 months and counting...Another disappointing day yesterday..so so sad/frustrating/disappointing seeing that negative test every month..ALMOST makes you just wanna give up!! #infertility #ttc" src="http://media-cache-ec0.pinimg.com/736x/03/25/82/032582477af2c4674c9e5fb636a57fc8.jpg" /></span><br />
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<b style="background-color: white; line-height: 22.399999618530273px; text-align: justify;"><span style="color: #93c47d; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">4. Try not to let it define you</span></b><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #666666; line-height: 22.399999618530273px; text-align: justify;">Remember, you are going through the </span><i style="background-color: white; color: #666666; line-height: 22.399999618530273px; text-align: justify;">experience</i><span style="background-color: white; color: #666666; line-height: 22.399999618530273px; text-align: justify;"> of infertility. You may be currently infertile in the sense that you cannot bear children, but the situation may only be temporary. And even if you never give birth, you are not an infertile being. You still have the ability to be fruitful in other areas of your life: your career, your marriage, your relationships, your faith, or your creative pursuits. Take this time to get to know yourself. Everyone does this differently.</span></span><br />
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<span style="line-height: 22.399999618530273px; text-align: justify;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #666666;"> For me I had what I called a </span><span style="background-color: #ffe599;"><u><b>"self care"</b></u> </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #666666;">box. I still use this today when it's needed. On one of my better days I wrote a letter to myself reminding me that I'm going to get through this. I'm strong, I'm important, and beautiful. This may sound cheesy but on my lowest days these affirmations helped. In this "box" I had the letter, a put in there bubble bath stuff, stuff for a facial, a yummy recipe I wanted to try, scrapbooking stuff, cleaning supplies, scriptures, a good book, a funny movie, and ANYTHING I could think of that would help pull me out of a funk. I would do one or maybe ALL of these things to help make me feel better. </span></span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #666666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; line-height: 22.399999618530273px; text-align: justify;">SWEAR this helped! DO IT!!!</span><br />
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<img alt="Infertility acceptance." src="http://media-cache-ec0.pinimg.com/736x/64/cc/5c/64cc5cbfd463dda73888f6562d586141.jpg" /></span><br />
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<b style="background-color: white; line-height: 22.399999618530273px; text-align: justify;"><span style="color: #93c47d; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">5. Improve your health</span></b><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #666666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; line-height: 22.399999618530273px; text-align: justify;">If you’re struggling with infertility, you’re likely spending lots of money and time trying to conceive. Make sure that investment isn’t going to waste and get yourself into the best physical shape you can. This doesn’t mean you need to start going to the gym every day if you haven’t been going at all. You don’t have to go vegan and eat only raw veggies. But take some common-sense steps to improve your health (which may also help you improve your emotions). Some simple ideas are limiting your caffeine and alcohol intake (if you drink), making sure you get enough sleep, cutting back on processed foods, and things like that. I know that this can be overwhelming and LOTS of work, but getting in shape and eating right (at least the basics) not only helps your body and mind prepare for pregnancy- it also get's your dopamine levels up and helps you to be happy. :) Again though remembering to ENJOY life and create balance. None of these things should be your only focus. The whole point of this post is to ENJOY the journey to the best of your ability.</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #666666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; line-height: 22.399999618530273px; text-align: justify;"> (A side note on this topic: I never really tried yoga but have heard that has helped lots of girls with releasing bad energy and feelings- some have even said meditation is worth a try. I might give it a go this time around and let you know how it goes)</span><br />
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<img alt="Too funny!! Infertility sucks." src="http://media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/34/ea/95/34ea9554f6b91ddcce2032af6be6ab30.jpg" /></span><br />
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<b style="background-color: white; line-height: 22.399999618530273px; text-align: justify;"><span style="color: #93c47d; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">6. Don’t deprive yourself</span></b><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b style="background-color: white; color: #666666; line-height: 22.399999618530273px; text-align: justify;"><br /></b><span style="background-color: white; text-align: justify;"><span style="color: #666666;"><span style="line-height: 22.399999618530273px;">Adding to my last comment. Be careful not to deny yourself pleasure or enjoyment in the name of improving your health. Have a piece of dark chocolate after a healthy dinner. Have a piece of pizza and follow it with a salad and an apple. Infertility it hard enough on its own; don’t make it worse by cutting out the things you enjoy. I remember for YEARS I wouldn't go in the Jacuzzi in fear that I "could" be pregnant. It literally drove me crazy to always live in fear I was going to screw things up. I'm here to tell you that doesn't work. You need to take care of yourself by ENJOYING what you can of your life. Out of all these tips this is the one I wish I could have told myself years ago. Every person dealing with infertility hates to hear it. Being calm won't make you get pregnant...but it will help you enjoy the time you are waiting a lot more. The one thing I hate ALMOST as bad as infertility- is the years that it stole from my life. Don't let that happen to you! Trust me it's not worth it. </span></span></span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; text-align: justify;"><img alt="What I wouldn't give for a little morning sickness. #infertility" src="http://media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/4f/43/86/4f4386e8f1de800020a892ae4b62ec82.jpg" /></span></span><br />
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<b style="background-color: white; line-height: 22.399999618530273px; text-align: justify;"><span style="color: #93c47d; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">7. Don’t let others tell you how to feel</span></b><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #666666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; line-height: 22.399999618530273px; text-align: justify;">One of the most frustrating things about infertility is that people will often tell you how to feel. “Don’t worry about it. It’ll happen if it’s supposed to.” Or, “Don’t be too upset about your miscarriage. It was so early and it happens to a lot of people.” As well-intentioned as those comments may be, they hurt and they’re not helpful. It’s not necessary to respond rudely to those kinds of comments, but don’t take them to heart. <b>Your experience is valid and your feelings are valid.</b> Don’t let anyone tell you how or how long you should grieve. </span><br />
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<b style="background-color: white; line-height: 22.399999618530273px; text-align: justify;"><span style="color: #93c47d; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">8. Cultivate other interests.</span></b><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #666666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; line-height: 22.399999618530273px; text-align: justify;">Infertility has the potential to be all-consuming, so try to develop some outside interests. Your hobbies can provide a healthy distraction and keep you from becoming too focused on your struggles. Read books, take up painting, watch an entire TV series on Netflix, learn a foreign language- just do something!</span><br />
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<b style="background-color: white; line-height: 22.399999618530273px; text-align: justify;"><span style="color: #93c47d; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">9. Nurture your relationship with your significant other</span></b><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #666666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; line-height: 22.399999618530273px; text-align: justify;">Infertility will either bring you closer together or put significant strain on your relationship. Do everything you can do nurture your relationship. Recognize that each of you may process the experience and express your emotions differently. Be intentional about spending time together and doing the things you enjoyed before you started trying to conceive. After all is said and done your husband will always be your best friend if you allow it. </span><br />
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<b style="background-color: white; line-height: 22.399999618530273px; text-align: justify;"><span style="color: #93c47d; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">10. Get professional help if you’re struggling</span></b><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #666666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; text-align: justify;"><span style="line-height: 22.399999618530273px;">None of this is easy. Each of these ten commandments can be intensely difficult and it’s not good to do it alone. Don’t be afraid to find help from a therapist, counselor, or clergy member. Find someone else to talk to if they tell you “Just relax.” Ask your doctor or friends for referrals, and ask about sliding scale fees if finances are an issue. I am not afraid to say that my husband and I spent a lot of hours in counseling both as a couple and separately to help us to work through this together. To this day the tips and tools we learned are priceless. Don't be ashamed to get help. </span></span><br />
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<img alt="AMEN! If I had a nickel for every time someone told me this, I could pay all of my infertility doctor bills! HA! Infertility is a disease... just like diabetes or cancer. #infertility #pcos #knowthefacts" src="http://media-cache-ec0.pinimg.com/736x/e2/06/c3/e206c32e372b21c80a025669f51f39d7.jpg" /></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #666666; line-height: 22.399999618530273px; text-align: justify;">I would LOVE to hear if this was helpful. Also I would love to hear what has helped you out during the most difficult of times. Or for those that have dealt with this for a long time- what would you say to yourself in the beginning of all this if you could now with your experience? This is a lifelong journey for so many of us. Writing these has helped me to reevaluate what I can do today to help enjoy my time while I work on baby number two. :) </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #666666; line-height: 22.399999618530273px; text-align: justify;">Hopefully this doesn't come across as - DO THIS and you will get pregnant too...or DON'T DO THIS or nothing you try will work. Truth is- every journey is different- and I had to learn a lot of this on my own the hard way to gain experience. Hopefully one or two of these though are helpful to some of you over time. </span></span><br />
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<img alt="You are not crazy. Infertility makes us feel and think things that others consider obsessive and crazy." src="http://media-cache-ec0.pinimg.com/736x/03/11/15/031115ab1c6e338cc96a5b2c888ffb18.jpg" height="640" width="640" /></span>Jonny and Brittanyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08753078434384482912noreply@blogger.com29tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4564158686379262422.post-15373843170119508372014-02-22T20:58:00.001-08:002014-02-22T20:58:46.659-08:00An infertile WITH a baby. Last week my family and I were lucky enough to spend the whole week at Disney world together. Holy crazy toddler though the flights there and back with Deklan were MISERABLE to say the least. Our flight got cancelled which led to a redeye flight. Deklan NOT sleeping on an overnight flight was crazy town. Any tips of flying with toddlers would be helpful at this point. The hard thing is that he flies with us a lot. And EVERY time is a different experience with him. Some better than others obviously. <div>
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On another note while I was on this trip I was getting texts from my baby sister who is also trying to pregnant right now. My dream would be for us to both be pregnant together but unfortunately her and I BOTH are dealing with infertility right now. I've said it before and I'll say it again- dealing with infertility is the hardest trial I have had to deal with in life. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. Honestly. Feeling like your body is failing you hurts A LOT. It makes you feel isolated. Crazy fact I learned though...apparently 2 % of ALL babies now are IN VITRO babies!!! Can you believe it? Is it me or is it more common now that people are struggling? I hate this. On one hand you don't feel so alone and on the other you hate for anyone to feel that same type of hurt you have been through. I feel like a whole new strange catergorie now though. Yes I am still infertile. Yes I WAS truly blessed with my miracle baby but I STILL had to do invitro to get there. And I have been dealing with infertility since. I HATE that my baby sister is having to go through this now. She has been married almost two years...not long. But hasn't really ever been on any birth control. She has been deathly afraid of dealing with this issue and now here she is right at the beginning of it. It brings up so many emotions to think of the beginning of my process. How alone I felt. I didn't have a blog and I had NO IDEA anyone else was dealing with this same issue. I had no one to talk to. And I felt like people thought I was just an angry person...because I was. I'm grateful that I have never ever gone back to feeling that low as I did in the beginning. Deklan has changed my life forever but also THIS community of women has done that as well. I KNOW how to deal with my feelings now. I DO get a twinge of jealousy as others announce their pregnancy- but I can be happy for them as well. My goal in writing is to continue to reach out to others in this hard spot. There IS hope. Unfortunately not every person brings home a baby. Or maybe it's be doing adoption (the most amazing selfless act anyone can do.) You can get through this and be happy though. Before I got pregnant with Deklan or even started in vitro I learned that. I met some amazing friends dealing with the same thing that got me through this. IF you are angry...or sad, or don't know what to do, REACH OUT. It WILL help ease some of the pain. I hate that my baby sister has to go through this but I ams so glad she has someone who has gone through it to at least guide her and let her vent. First thing I told her was to get to know you amazing ladies. So THANK YOU to all of you for being my rock. You have no idea how much each and every one of you have left your mark on me and given me inspiration when I needed it most. I will continue to read your blogs and get uplifted as I go through round 2...so here we go. :) P.s I am curious to all you in vitro moms out there how and WHEN you plan on telling your children how they were conceived?? Strange question I know but lately I wonder if Deklan will feel "different" from finding out he was kinda sorta created in a lab...obviously with lots of love as well. Just curious...:)<div>
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Jonny and Brittanyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08753078434384482912noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4564158686379262422.post-80837713803856218112014-02-05T02:23:00.001-08:002014-02-05T02:23:48.328-08:00Deklan's Day...<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="270" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/M2F2ZObO7wQ" width="480"></iframe><br />
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Unfortunately I am super sick today and can't sleep. Hence I am posting at 3:30 am in the morning. :) A good friend of ours is a videographer (and a super talented one at that) and he started a year ago making videos for kids. I loved the idea and hired him to do one for Deklan. It's finally done and we love it! Deklan loves it even more! :) Thought I'd share. Hope everyone is a better week than mine...:( womp womp womp.Jonny and Brittanyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08753078434384482912noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4564158686379262422.post-42705953610705284842014-01-30T19:23:00.003-08:002014-01-30T19:23:48.491-08:00I'm back! :)I took a little hiatus from the blogging world and to be honest it was pretty nice! I decided to get back onto this blog because of us beginning our journey for baby number 2. Or possibly baby number 2 AND 3. I love being able to go back and re read what I went through the first time around. Plus writing lets me vent some of my pain out. I am still struggling with infertility. NO being pregnant with Deklan didn't "fix" me. I was shocked by how many of us that dealt with infertility together are pregnant with number 2 or even 3 by now! Sheesh has it been THAT long?! <div>
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Deklan is going to be 2 in May. All the sudden I'm getting "the question" all over again and it's starting to sting. When are you trying for the next one? Well, I never QUIT trying. In fact I've never been on birth control after Deklan. I also haven't been necessarily "trying." I haven't had a period in 4-5 months and we all know you can't get pregnant with out that. </div>
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My goal is to do in vitro again this year. I now am pretty certain there is no other way for us to get pregnant. I'm super nervous this time around. Maybe because I have no idea how this works with "frozen" embryos or what to expect in terms of chances of this actually working. I'm nervous of failing and then figuring out what to do from there. Deklan deserves siblings. I want that for our family. </div>
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Honestly for MOST of the time pregnancy announcements weren't bothering me. I started to feel the "infertile" in me again a few months ago. Right now we are on a stand still because of our insurance. I hate that I have NO control over how long this will take to figure out. For now I am just snuggling Deklan real tight. He is my best bud! (other than my husband of course! :) </div>
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I am excited to catch up on all of your blogs again! I've missed this amazing group of women and having girls who understand! And here are a few updated pictures of my little man for now :):)</div>
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Jonny and Brittanyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08753078434384482912noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4564158686379262422.post-3129857178186744772013-08-27T23:30:00.001-07:002013-08-27T23:30:22.300-07:00Happy World Breastfeeding Week :) A little late...I had read a few amazing blog posts during the ACTUAL world breast feeding week just a bit ago and thought I would share.<br />
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<a href="http://ten22studio.com/?p=903">http://ten22studio.com/?p=903</a> (This girl is an amazing photographer and wrote some REALLY good posts about breastfeeding I loved! Go check em out- isn't this shot she took beautiful??!)<br />
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<img alt="©ten22 studio" src="http://ten22studio.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/caroline_one_0480_1.jpg" /><br />
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<a href="http://ouradoptionfaithwalk.blogspot.com/2013/08/world-breastfeeding-week-salute.html">http://ouradoptionfaithwalk.blogspot.com/2013/08/world-breastfeeding-week-salute.html</a> (This one I found floating around facebook but LOVED the realness of the post.<br />
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Isn't this image so true?? haha!<br />
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I thought I would share MY feelings on breastfeeding as well. I am a strong supporter of "whatever works best for you, is the right choice." Funny thing is before I had Deklan I NEVER could understand why you would choose NOT to breastfeed your baby. You women who chose to breastfeed are super moms...but SO are the women who pump, or chose to formula feed your baby. Truth is, the most important thing is that both mom and baby are happy.<br />
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My VERY first experience with breastfeeding was minutes after D was born. I knew without a doubt that I WANTED to breastfeed with D. He was born 5 weeks early which made things very complicated to say the least. Minutes after D was born one of the nurses placed him on my chest and immediately tried to help my tiny 4 pound son to latch. He actually DID latch but nothing came out. My milk didn't come in. Being that I FORCED my body into labor 5 weeks early to keep him safe, things didn't go according to plan. The nurse said he did amazing for his first time, not to worry, she was going to feed him in the niccu with a bottle, and we will keep trying. At the time I was loopy, tired, excited about my baby boy, and NERVOUS about how tiny he was. At that point I decided to do whatever the nurses told me to make sure he gained some weight. After an hour or so of being cleaned up they let me go see him in the niccu. The nurses sat me down and gave me lots of rules. When to see him, touch him, feed him, who can see him, NOT to talk to him and play with him because he needed to reserve all energy for feeding. So I complied. After the rules I felt like I was being watched like a hawk by these nurses...like he was THEIR baby and I was a visitor. I was scared to touch him, kiss him, sing to him, or even say a word. It was quiet in there. All you could here was the beeping noises from all the machines. It was uncomfortable. They decided I needed to pump A LOT to get my milk in and then feed him that in a bottle so they could see he was getting enough fluid. He lost weight right away to less than 4 pounds, and wasn't eating at all. He would tire out so fast and never wanted anything to do with it. I cried a lot in the hospital and looked like a zombie. Finally I decided that I was this little boys mom and he NEEDED ME. So I was in there all the time. I spent three hours with him on my chest and THAT DAY he started to eat. He finally after a week was eating enough where he could go home. The day before I went home I asked them to try to help me breastfeed but he wasn't latching properly and it was too hard of work for him at that point. So I kept trying at home.<br />
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Each feeding...every three hours I would pump a little but not too much so I wasn't too engorged, attempt a latch, cry from frustration, pump for thirty minutes more, clean the parts, THEN bottle feed my baby. It was AWFUL. And ALL. DAY. LONG. After about 4 months of pumping and attempting breastfeeding, including having a specialist come to my house, I finally quit. I was feeling SO inadequate at this time and depressed that I couldn't even enjoy the sweet new baby I had. Even after I quit I felt guilty. Every time I would get the question if I was breastfeeding it weighed on me. The day I decided to LET GO all that guilt went away. I OWNED the fact that I was formula feeding my baby and it was the best solution for him to gain weight. And it was OKAY to not be breastfeeding. Deklan was healthy, I was healthy, and I felt like a new person. I would LOVE for things to run smoothly for me the next time I get pregnant. But I have NO idea what will happen. I WILL say that women who pump are SUPER moms!!! IT WAS NOT EASY! Women who breast feed their baby's are super moms! And women who formula feed are ALSO super moms! Whatever your choice is, own it, and just enjoy those precious months with your little ones! Happy Breastfeeding week a little late :)Jonny and Brittanyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08753078434384482912noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4564158686379262422.post-42271023110996026872013-05-09T23:55:00.001-07:002013-05-09T23:57:27.019-07:00Every Girl Needs a Place to Vent...right?! Just Keepin it Real Folks!<span style="background-color: white; color: grey; line-height: 11.199999809265137px;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></span>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: grey; line-height: 11.199999809265137px;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Although being a mom, ESPECIALLY after dealing with infertility is amazing, we all still have those days that can be trying. Having a one year old I feel like I am on the go all day long. The other day after Deklan decided to eat the moss in my plants for the millionth time, I got frustrated, put him down for is nap to get some me time. About an hour later Jonny says BRITT I thought I asked you to clean up the moss DAYS ago. I love this man but almost flipped a lid. I said I DID- he did this AGAIN, and has done this SEVERAL times since you last saw this. Jonny, being a man and all and clearly having NO clue what it's like taking care of a one year old on a constant basis said, Britt you gotta just watch him closer than. Again....love this man, but wanted to break down in that very moment. I couldn't do it all. That was apparant. Don't get me wrong ladies, my husband is a GREAT father...and a great husband at that...but in this instance....he was wrong. I had to take a chill pill before responding to him, but seriously had to explain to him that I am doing the best I can...and to be VERY careful with his words. haha! </span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: grey; line-height: 11.199999809265137px;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Here is Deklan eating the moss...guess I should move my plants off the ground....ugh.</span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: grey; line-height: 11.1875px;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Found this on facebook and loved it. Thought I would share. </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white; color: grey; line-height: 11.199999809265137px;">For the days we are running on empty. For the days we just don't think we have it in us to read one more story, play one more game of Uno, wash one more round o</span><span class="text_exposed_show" style="background-color: white; color: grey; display: inline; line-height: 11.199999809265137px;">f sheets. For the days when we think everyone else has it together. For the days we're sure anyone else would do this job better.<br /><br />For those days. You know the ones.<br /><br />Repeat after me:<br /><br />1. I shall not judge my house, my kid's summer activities or my crafting skills by Pinterest's standards.<br /><br />2. I shall not measure what I've accomplished today by the loads of unfolded laundry but by the assurance of deep love I've tickled into my kids.<br /><br />3. I shall say yes to blanket forts and see past the chaos to the memories we're building.<br /><br />4. I shall surprise my kids with trips to get ice cream when they're already in their pajamas.<br /><br />5. I shall not compare myself to other mothers but find my identity in the God who trusted me with these kids in the first place.<br /><br />6. I shall remember that a messy house at peace is better than an immaculate house tied up in knots.<br /><br />7. I shall play music loudly and teach my kids the joy of wildly uncoordinated dance.<br /><br />8. I shall remind myself that perfect is simply a street sign at the intersection of impossible and frustration in Never Never land.<br /><br />9. I shall embrace the fact that in becoming a mom I traded perfect for a house full of real.<br /><br />10. I shall promise to love this body that bore these three children out loud, especially in front of my daughter.<br /><br />11. I shall give my other mother friends the gift of guilt-free friendship.<br /><br />12. I shall do my best to admit to my people my unfine moments.<br /><br />13. I shall say sorry when sorry is necessary.<br /><br />14. I pray God I shall never be too proud, angry or stubborn to ask for my children's forgiveness.<br /><br />15. I shall make space in my grown-up world for goofball moments with my kids.<br /><br />16. I shall love their father and make sure they know I love him.<br /><br />17. I shall model kind words to kids and grown-ups alike.<br /><br />18. I shall not be intimidated by the inside of my minivan this season of chip bags, goldfish crackers and discarded socks too shall pass.<br /><br />19. I shall always make time to encourage new moms.<br /><br />20. I shall not resent that last call for kisses and cups of water but remember instead that when I blink they'll all be in college.<br /><br />... with love from one tired mother to another.<br /><br />Editor's note: This piece was found by Becky Lisle, written by Lisa-Jo Baker and originally appeared on her blog, but I LOVE it and needed it and thought you might to.</span></span><br />
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<span style="color: grey; font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;"><span style="line-height: 11.1875px;">And just cause here are a few pics of what we have been up to...a. DAILY swim lessons for this boy to get ISR certified.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Sitting in his new big boy car seat! He got his ONE YEAR stats today and is in the 15th percentile now for weight and height...much better than 3 % like last time :) 18 and a half pounds!!</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Enjoying his birthday presents...</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Into everything at church</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">And yes....my husband is a little clueless at times but he's a great dad :)</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">And you can see all his birthday details on my personal blog- but he was spoiled rotten for sure :) I wouldn't trade a moment of this crazy "moss- eating" life for anything :)</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><img src="https://fbcdn-sphotos-f-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-ash3/942143_10200217857392772_1816359781_n.jpg" /></span>Jonny and Brittanyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08753078434384482912noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4564158686379262422.post-13628552092343442902013-04-29T14:43:00.003-07:002013-04-29T14:43:59.760-07:00Being a Mom (With a Year Experience)Deklan turns ONE this Friday. I honestly don't know where time went. It flew. I wrote a two whole posts ALL about Deklan on my family blog <a href="http://jonnyandbrittany.blogspot.com/2013/04/12-months-this-week-be-prepared-for.html" target="_blank">HERE </a>and <a href="http://jonnyandbrittany.blogspot.com/2013/04/deklans-story.html" target="_blank">HERE</a>. This post though is about what I have learned this past year- maybe to help a few of you soon to be moms out there, and maybe to give myself a reminder later on down the road. :) Few things to remember:<br />
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Being a mom is hard work.<br />
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Not as hard as WANTING to be a mom with every ounce of your body though. I still remember what that feels like. However, I have moments like every mom out there does where you want to pawn your child off for a few precious moments for some alone time. At one years old Deklan is into EVERYTHING. And I do mean everything. Toilets, plugs, bugs, plants, and pulling out every toy in his toy box over and over again just for the heck of it.<br />
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There is A LOT of GUILT that comes with being a mom. You feel guilty for not spending enough quality time with your baby when you don't, or spoiling them to the point where they won't go to anyone else when you do. Guilt comes with the food you feed them, you feel guilty when they get sick, and when they get hurt. Holy moly I am the queen of guilt. Although this morning I was on youtube and saw this news report of a sweet baby girl named Briana who was brutally murdered by her mother, uncle, AND grandpa in New Mexico. I balled ALL morning and held Deklan so tight. I tried to remember that I do the best I can. The one thing I can look back and know for sure is that HE KNOWS I LOVE HIM. That boy knows I am obsessed. I kiss and love on him all day. Regardless guilt does seap in. Be patient and kind to yourself and know that you're doing your best. Your children WILL get hurt. You can't raise them in a bubble.<br />
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Another thing- once you get the hang of things THEY CHANGE IT UP ON YOU. They are changing SO fast there is no way to stop it!<br />
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Dealt with this one A LOT : People will always want to judge your parenting skills. Guess what? It doesn't matter!! YOU are the parent now! That feels strange sometimes but it feels good to know that it doesn't matter that Aunt Susie thinks you shouldn't feed your baby a bite of ice cream- YOU choose! So LET IT GO when they decide to give input. It doesn't do any good to hold onto that frustrating feeling.<br />
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Last and MOST importantly being a mom is THE most rewarding job in the world. Knowing your baby loves you unconditionally kinda makes you melt. Every giggle, smile, and snuggle makes every hard thing worth it. I can't wait to see what this year has in store for our little family of three.<br />
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P.s. He LOVES cake. :) That's all.<br />
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<br />Jonny and Brittanyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08753078434384482912noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4564158686379262422.post-9354249303585616012013-04-25T15:08:00.000-07:002013-04-25T15:08:30.109-07:00On Reaching OutI got asked by a friend to write a guest post about my story and my experience with infertility. She also asked other friends to post THEIR story to help promote awareness this week to infertility. Go check these stories out. They are a beacon of hope in all the darkness. I can't stress enough the importance of relationships in all of this. Through my blog I have met real life long friends. I have even gotten to meet two of them and their miracle babies. At one point none of us were sure if babies would ever be in the picture. And now we are amazed by every movement they make. <a href="http://becomingrichardsonfam.blogspot.com/">http://becomingrichardsonfam.blogspot.com/</a><br />
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I FIANLLY got to meet Aubrey and her adorable baby Brinley. Deklan and Brinley were insta- friends :)<br />
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The blog feature of Deklan is <a href="http://becomingrichardsonfam.blogspot.com/2013/04/guest-bloggerbaby-deklan-brittany.html" target="_blank">HERE</a>. Hope that some of these stories Aubrey shared can help you as well. :) So far there is a success story of infertility to twins, Deklan, and a family hoping to adopt. Hopefully it can help give some encouragement. :)<br />
<br />Jonny and Brittanyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08753078434384482912noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4564158686379262422.post-56860600510619765372013-04-22T16:47:00.000-07:002013-04-22T16:50:01.907-07:00National Infertility Awareness Week<img src="https://sphotos-a.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ash3/551292_10200152785886025_380315423_n.jpg" /><br />
I decided to keep this blog. I may not have a lot of readers now but we will be doing in vitro round two all over again soon and I would love to be able to still write my experience in a safe place. I feel safe here.<br />
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As many of you know it's National Infertility Awareness Week. If you have never struggled with infertility, or even if you have, it's an important reminder to be aware of those around you. Chances are that someone close to you is struggling with this very issue. They may not be as public as I am about it though. 1 in 8 couples struggle with this very sensitive trial. Remember that infertility is a form of grief. You grieve for the baby that you may never have the chance of meeting. If you are struggling with infertility and have no one to talk to. BE KIND TO YOURSELF. It's okay to feel sad. It's normal to feel hurt and alone. Most importantly YOU ARE NOT ALONE. The best thing I did for myself was to build this community of like minded friends. Resolve.com has SO many great articles and ways to relate to others dealing with this very issue. I have posted this before and I will post it again. Here is some great tips to remember when dealing with someone who is struggling with infertility. Rules or etiquette to live by:<br />
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<strong>Don't Tell Them to Relax</strong></div>
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Everyone knows someone who had trouble conceiving but then finally became pregnant once she "relaxed." Couples who are able to conceive after a few months of "relaxing" are not infertile. By definition, a couple is not diagnosed as "infertile" until they have tried unsuccessfully to become pregnant for a full year. In fact, most infertility specialists will not treat a couple for infertility until they have tried to become pregnant for a year. This year weeds out the people who aren't infertile but just need to "relax." Those that remain are truly infertile.</div>
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Comments such as "just relax" or "try going on a cruise" create even more stress for the infertile couple, particularly the woman. The woman feels like she is doing something wrong when, in fact, there is a good chance that there is a physical problem preventing her from becoming pregnant.</div>
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These comments can also reach the point of absurdity. As a couple, my husband and I underwent two surgeries, numerous inseminations, hormone treatments, and four years of poking and prodding by doctors. Yet, people still continued to say things like, "If you just relaxed on a cruise . . ." Infertility is a diagnosable medical problem that must be treated by a doctor, and even with treatment, many couples will NEVER successfully conceive a child. Relaxation itself does not cure medical infertility.</div>
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<strong>Don't Minimize the Problem</strong></div>
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Failure to conceive a baby is a very painful journey. Infertile couples are surrounded by families with children. These couples watch their friends give birth to two or three children, and they watch those children grow while the couple goes home to the silence of an empty house. These couples see all of the joy that a child brings into someone's life, and they feel the emptiness of not being able to experience the same joy.</div>
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Comments like, "Just enjoy being able to sleep late . . . .travel . . etc.," do not offer comfort. Instead, these comments make infertile people feel like you are minimizing their pain. You wouldn't tell somebody whose parent just died to be thankful that he no longer has to buy Father's Day or Mother's Day cards. Losing that one obligation doesn't even begin to compensate for the incredible loss of losing a parent. In the same vein, being able to sleep late or travel does not provide comfort to somebody who desperately wants a child.</div>
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<strong>Don't Say There Are Worse Things That Could Happen</strong></div>
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Along the same lines, don't tell your friend that there are worse things that she could be going through. Who is the final authority on what is the "worst" thing that could happen to someone? Is it going through a divorce? Watching a loved one die? Getting raped? Losing a job?</div>
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Different people react to different life experiences in different ways. To someone who has trained his whole life for the Olympics, the "worst" thing might be experiencing an injury the week before the event. To someone who has walked away from her career to become a stay-at-home wife for 40 years, watching her husband leave her for a younger woman might be the "worst" thing. And, to a woman whose sole goal in life has been to love and nurture a child, infertility may indeed be the "worst" thing that could happen.</div>
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People wouldn't dream of telling someone whose parent just died, "It could be worse: both of your parents could be dead." Such a comment would be considered cruel rather than comforting. In the same vein, don't tell your friend that she could be going through worse things than infertility.</div>
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<strong>Don't Say They Aren't Meant to Be Parents</strong></div>
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One of the cruelest things anyone ever said to me is, "Maybe God doesn't intend for you to be a mother." How incredibly insensitive to imply that I would be such a bad mother that God felt the need to divinely sterilize me. If God were in the business of divinely sterilizing women, don't you think he would prevent the pregnancies that end in abortions? Or wouldn't he sterilize the women who wind up neglecting and abusing their children? Even if you aren't religious, the "maybe it's not meant to be" comments are not comforting. Infertility is a medical condition, not a punishment from God or Mother Nature.</div>
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<strong>Don't Ask Why They Aren't Trying IVF</strong></div>
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In vitro fertilization (IVF) is a method in which the woman harvests multiple eggs, which are then combined with the man's sperm in a petri dish. This is the method that can produce multiple births. People frequently ask, "Why don't you just try IVF?" in the same casual tone they would use to ask, "Why don't you try shopping at another store?"</div>
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<strong>Don't Be Crude</strong></div>
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It is appalling that I even have to include this paragraph, but some of you need to hear this-Don't make crude jokes about your friend's vulnerable position. Crude comments like "I'll donate the sperm" or "Make sure the doctor uses your sperm for the insemination" are not funny, and they only irritate your friends.</div>
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<strong>Don't Complain About Your Pregnancy</strong></div>
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This message is for pregnant women-Just being around you is painful for your infertile friends. Seeing your belly grow is a constant reminder of what your infertile friend cannot have. Unless an infertile women plans to spend her life in a cave, she has to find a way to interact with pregnant women. However, there are things you can do as her friend to make it easier.</div>
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The number one rule is DON'T COMPLAIN ABOUT YOUR PREGNANCY. I understand from my friends that, when you are pregnant, your hormones are going crazy and you experience a lot of discomfort, such as queasiness, stretch marks, and fatigue. You have every right to vent about the discomforts to any one else in your life, but don't put your infertile friend in the position of comforting you.</div>
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Your infertile friend would give anything to experience the discomforts you are enduring because those discomforts come from a baby growing inside of you. When I heard a pregnant woman complain about morning sickness, I would think, "I'd gladly throw up for nine straight months if it meant I could have a baby." When a pregnant woman would complain about her weight gain, I would think, "I would cut off my arm if I could be in your shoes."</div>
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I managed to go to baby showers and hospitals to welcome my friends' new babies, but it was hard. Without exception, it was hard. Stay sensitive to your infertile friend's emotions, and give her the leeway that she needs to be happy for you while she cries for herself. If she can't bring herself to hold your new baby, give her time. She isn't rejecting you or your new baby; she is just trying to work her way through her pain to show sincere joy for you. The fact that she is willing to endure such pain in order to celebrate your new baby with you speaks volumes about how much your friendship means to her.</div>
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<strong>Don't Treat Them Like They Are Ignorant</strong></div>
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For some reason, some people seem to think that infertility causes a person to become unrealistic about the responsibilities of parenthood. I don't follow the logic, but several people told me that I wouldn't ache for a baby so much if I appreciated how much responsibility was involved in parenting.</div>
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Let's face it-no one can fully appreciate the responsibilities involved in parenting until they are, themselves, parents. That is true whether you successfully conceived after one month or after 10 years. The length of time you spend waiting for that baby does not factor in to your appreciation of responsibility. If anything, people who have been trying to become pregnant longer have had more time to think about those responsibilities. They have also probably been around lots of babies as their friends started their families.</div>
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Perhaps part of what fuels this perception is that infertile couples have a longer time to "dream" about what being a parent will be like. Like every other couple, we have our fantasies-my child will sleep through the night, would never have a tantrum in public, and will always eat his vegetables. Let us have our fantasies. Those fantasies are some of the few parent-to-be perks that we have-let us have them. You can give us your knowing looks when we discover the truth later.</div>
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<strong>Don't Gossip About Your Friend's Condition</strong></div>
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Infertility treatments are very private and embarrassing, which is why many couples choose to undergo these treatments in secret. Men especially are very sensitive to letting people know about infertility testing, such as sperm counts. Gossiping about infertility is not usually done in a malicious manner. The gossipers are usually well-meaning people who are only trying to find out more about infertility so they can help their loved ones.</div>
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Regardless of why you are sharing this information with someone else, it hurts and embarrasses your friend to find out that Madge the bank teller knows what your husband's sperm count is and when your next period is expected. Infertility is something that should be kept as private as your friend wants to keep it. Respect your friend's privacy, and don't share any information that your friend hasn't authorized.</div>
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<strong>Don't Push Adoption (Yet)</strong></div>
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Adoption is a wonderful way for infertile people to become parents. (As an adoptive parent, I can fully vouch for this!!) However, the couple needs to work through many issues before they will be ready to make an adoption decision. Before they can make the decision to love a "stranger's baby," they must first grieve the loss of that baby with Daddy's eyes and Mommy's nose. Adoption social workers recognize the importance of the grieving process. When my husband and I went for our initial adoption interview, we expected the first question to be, "Why do you want to adopt a baby?" Instead, the question was, "Have you grieved the loss of your biological child yet?" Our social worker emphasized how important it is to shut one door before you open another.</div>
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You do, indeed, need to grieve this loss before you are ready to start the adoption process. The adoption process is very long and expensive, and it is not an easy road. So, the couple needs to be very sure that they can let go of the hope of a biological child and that they can love an adopted baby. This takes time, and some couples are never able to reach this point. If your friend cannot love a baby that isn't her "own," then adoption isn't the right decision for her, and it is certainly not what is best for the baby.</div>
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Mentioning adoption in passing can be a comfort to some couples. (The only words that ever offered me comfort were from my sister, who said, "Whether through pregnancy or adoption, you will be a mother one day.") However, "pushing" the issue can frustrate your friend. So, mention the idea in passing if it seems appropriate, and then drop it. When your friend is ready to talk about adoption, she will raise the issue herself.</div>
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So, what can you say to your infertile friends? Unless you say "I am giving you this baby," there is nothing you can say that will erase their pain. So, take that pressure off of yourself. It isn't your job to erase their pain, but there is a lot you can do to lessen the load. Here are a few ideas.</div>
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<strong>Let Them Know That You Care</strong></div>
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The best thing you can do is let your infertile friends know that you care. Send them cards. Let them cry on your shoulder. If they are religious, let them know you are praying for them. Offer the same support you would offer a friend who has lost a loved one. Just knowing they can count on you to be there for them lightens the load and lets them know that they aren't going through this alone.</div>
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<strong>Remember Them on Mother's Day</strong></div>
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With all of the activity on Mother's Day, people tend to forget about women who cannot become mothers. Mother's Day is an incredibly painful time for infertile women. You cannot get away from it-There are ads on the TV, posters at the stores, church sermons devoted to celebrating motherhood, and all of the plans for celebrating with your own mother and mother-in-law.</div>
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Mother's Day is an important celebration and one that I relish now that I am a mother. However, it was very painful while I was waiting for my baby. Remember your infertile friends on Mother's Day, and send them a card to let them know you are thinking of them. They will appreciate knowing that you haven't "forgotten" them.</div>
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<strong>Support Their Decision to Stop Treatments</strong></div>
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No couple can endure infertility treatments forever. At some point, they will stop. This is an agonizing decision to make, and it involves even more grief. Even if the couple chooses to adopt a baby, they must still first grieve the loss of that baby who would have had mommy's nose and daddy's eyes.</div>
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Once the couple has made the decision to stop treatments, support their decision. Don't encourage them to try again, and don't discourage them from adopting, if that is their choice. Once the couple has reached resolution (whether to live without children, adopt a child, or become foster parents), they can finally put that chapter of their lives behind them. Don't try to open that chapter again.</div>
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Love all of these! Sending good vibes and baby dust to ALL of you are trying for your miracle baby! </div>
Jonny and Brittanyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08753078434384482912noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4564158686379262422.post-45480133337004313412013-04-04T23:47:00.000-07:002013-04-04T23:49:08.028-07:00Not sure anyone is still reading.I am debating on what I should do with this blog...keep it, make it private, or just get rid of it all together. I do LOVE an outlet for infertility- and I LOVE my friends I have made along the way. If you guys are still reading this please let me know!!! That sounds super annoying I know! Just not sure what to keep on- or if I should simplify things. Simple sounds better...but not everyone likes to hear about my fertility dealings and cycle problems I'm sure.<br />
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Well for those reading- I am feeling SO much better today. Been running all week and eating better. I am already feeling my energy come back. Plus watching some of you discuss baby number 2 gets me excited!! :) Still thinking 6 months- but again- I am excited to feel "that" again! This a face makes me excited for what the next one will look like :) Okay quick mamma question too- when do you ladies start potty training. I am figuring this is a ways away for me but I read something crazy online of people starting when they are SUPER young! What the? I can't imagine Deklan understanding something so complex!<br />
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<img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj1THcG8KDXg32mLr4ENknPkUwTPBI0Bhl9szyvf2QGZLc30NgsobXu2e1zLX4tqCQO058AKryjTDOarTZ-md5ft3FuI0oMowg6FzIAIH1TirEscG5IMe41wr936ZWVfBZqDvZOABF45xw/s640/IMG_1867.JPG" />Jonny and Brittanyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08753078434384482912noreply@blogger.com14tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4564158686379262422.post-61596456885337760002013-04-03T10:38:00.002-07:002013-04-03T10:38:31.295-07:00This MonthThis month was the month I SHOULD have brought home baby #2. It's a strange feeling. I wonder what this baby would be like, what life would be with this little one around. I wonder what happens to their tiny spirits when they don't make it very far like this one. I have decided to not focus on getting pregnant right now. I'm not NOT trying obviously- but timing everything just makes me a little crazy. It brings back bad feelings for me- and makes me realize how much my body doesn't work on this end of things. My cycles are back to being screwy, my weight is up, and I am feeling pain on my ovaries A LOT. Brief way to put it- PCOS is back in full force. Instead of focusing on my pcos my focus will be on health. I want to get as healthy as I can before I try to do in vitro again. I'm SO super nervous to do in vitro again because I feel like with frozen embryos it's a lower chance of working. EEK! So- I got myself a running partner in crime. We both had babies this past year and want to get in shape- PERFECT! I am guessing we will want to look at doing another round in maybe 6 months. I am excited to GET excited about all this again. Right now I don't feel that- so I know it's not time. I want to just enjoy my time with Deklan right now. This time no crazy crash dieting- just life changes. It's hard to do with traveling but totally possible. SO...here we go. I am doing lots of updates with pictures on the other blog! :) We have been BUSY! Hope everyone had a good Easter!!!Jonny and Brittanyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08753078434384482912noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4564158686379262422.post-78344534120095255492013-03-08T22:34:00.001-08:002013-03-08T22:34:32.285-08:00Nine Days Past...ughI am nine days past my cycle today. ugh. starting to hate this PCOS thing all over again. Cramps, skin breaking out, and achy boobs for days before starting. And no end in sight! For a brief moment last night I thought MAYBE I should take a test. My mind plays crazy tricks on me now. I tested. Negative. Just waiting for aunt flo to show it's ugly face. It could have been the stress this past week. I spent the last five days at the ICU with Deklan. I won't go into details here because I wrote about them on my family blog. He caught the Rotavirus at Disneyland. BAD. It was the scariest thing I have ever been through. If you don't know about the Rotavirus please check it out- and be careful at places like Disney. You can click <a href="http://jonnyandbrittany.blogspot.com/2013/03/story-of-little-d-a-bug-called-rota.html%203/10-months-and-climbing.html" target="_blank">HERE </a>to<br />
read about it. He lost a lot of weight, but is SO much better now.<br />
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I also have his ten month updates <a href="http://jonnyandbrittany.blogspot.com/2013/0" target="_blank">HERE</a>. He is 100 percent back to my crazy little boy I love so much. Going through this experience made me appreciate every moment with him that much more. This boy made me a mom. He changed me in so many ways. You soften up. And I love it. :) I love spending everyday with my little man.<br />
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Any suggestions ladies that YOU do to get aunt flo to come along?? Back when we were with the fertility dr he would prescribe progesterone pills- I haven't gone back to him though yet. I need to get back into some of the natural stuff again. Thanks ladies. :) Hope some of you are having better luck in that department!<br />
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<br />Jonny and Brittanyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08753078434384482912noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4564158686379262422.post-3570877051338017792013-02-26T19:39:00.001-08:002013-02-26T19:51:20.442-08:00Recent HappeningsSorry for the lengthy time between posts! I am officially moved into my new house now (still lots of boxes to go through), went on our FIRST trip to Disneyland with Deklan (we are now PROUD annual pass members!), and Deklan and I are BOTH sick right now! UGH. Disney land is magical...and full of germs. Actually I went to a business meeting with my husband the night before Disney land, and the lady who invited us has a one year old little girl who was SUPER sick. THANK you for the kind welcome gift. Seriously though...is it just me or is it RIDICULOUS to invite a baby over and forget to include their child is sick. Maybe I'm overprotective but it sort of ruined our trip to Disney land and for that matter ruined our week. Sorry for the rant...just annoyed. We got in SOME time at Disney land but we did leave a day early because of Deklan being sick. I would be FURIOUS if I didn't have passes this year to come back as much as we want. Okay rant over. Other than that I have to say it was pretty magical bringing Deklan to Disneyland. This is something Jonny and I had dreamed of for so long and even though Deklan may not remember it...we will!!! Unfortunatley these were just my instagram pictures from my phone- I will post the better quality pictures on my other blog when I get around to loading them over. :)<br />
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As far as everything else goes...aunt flow should be here tomorrow. I have kind of lost hope of the idea of getting pregnant on my own though. I never went back for another ultrasound to check on my cyst since the pain went away. It never ruptured though either...so it's either just slowly going away or hidden somewhere ready to pop. I haven't felt it for a while thank goodness! Thank you for all your sweet thoughts! I recently added a few of you on facebook and instagram which has been so fun to get to know you better :) If you would like to add me here I am:<br />
facebook: https://www.facebook.com/Betashji<br />
Brittytash is my instagram name :)<br />
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Although I guess we should be careful of crazy stalkers after what happened to our fellow blogger friend http://mydarlingrainbow.blogspot.com/ !! Still SO crazy! Okay here are a few instagram pics of the trip! :)<br />
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Had to take this from the bathroom- BEST INVENTION EVER! Please ignore the no socks- this boy threw them off while sitting there! :)<br />
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p.s if you are reading this TTC Baby E email me at betashjian@gmail.com I can't see your blog anymore :( I hope you are okay and am SO SO sorry for the loss of your dad. I lost my dad just a few years ago and am still heart broken. It's the hardest thing to go through- email me if you need anything girl! Sending you LOTS of love and prayers xoxoxo<br />
<br />Jonny and Brittanyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08753078434384482912noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4564158686379262422.post-63768956798360360682013-01-13T20:06:00.002-08:002013-01-13T20:06:28.778-08:00So Frustrating. I forgot all about this part. The annoying part of your body not doing what it's supposed to. I'm not pregnant obviously, which is fine because I don't expect it to be fast this time around. I forgot about the frustrating part of not knowing what the heck is going on with your body. Before I got pregnant I had A LOT of issues with cysts rupturing, very LARGE ones at that. My body wasn't releasing the eggs properly, instead it would keep it and grow a massive painful cyst in it's place, I had ones literally the size of grapefruits that the pain was WORSE than childbirth when they ruptured. Granted I got an epidural when I was barley dialated, but I had to FORCE my body into labor overnight which wasn't easy. I am pretty sure I had one while I was on my cruise a few months ago rupture, just a smaller one, and now I have another one. I am pretty sure it's a larger one. My stomach is SO bloated that I swear you can see one side of my stomach look larger from the outside. I called my fertility specialist which I haven't seen since I was newly pregnant. I am excited to see him, but nervous at the same time. It throws me back into that world of having an RE again. I hate feeling so icky. I can literally feel it throb EVERY step I take- not horrible unbearable pain but ANNOYING pain. Really awful moving during all of this. This is what it looks like on a diagram.<br />
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<img src="http://www.ovarian-cancer-facts.com/images/ovarian-cyst.jpg" /><br />
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It's awful. Some of you had to go through OHSS like I did with in vitro. Oh my gosh, it's THE WORST. This reminds me of all that awful stuff from in vitro I forgot about and put in the back of my mind. It makes the thought of being pregnant again or doing in vitro very scary and not so enticing. UGH. PLEASE go away cyst. And Don't come back another day. Meanwhile this guy is taking good care of me. :)<br />
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And same with this guy. p.s he learned to crawl!!!! Doesn't he look thrilled about it?! :)<br />
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<br />Jonny and Brittanyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08753078434384482912noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4564158686379262422.post-81280310822620317852013-01-04T20:10:00.000-08:002013-01-04T20:10:18.414-08:00Post Partum Part two<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjTlEN6H6yqSS8VTLB2lQ5l2IrWsfus1AkSkzvyz4tQA0l6_TpaPeneC-objR-mNqdSYYmaLuuMgAW_QsQUvwEwmpLdjkWVhXHjLW3o1PypFG_h7FNGAe4Y4Tc4ElzjCLIDlpiIJ5JPwd8/s1600/IMG_7912.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjTlEN6H6yqSS8VTLB2lQ5l2IrWsfus1AkSkzvyz4tQA0l6_TpaPeneC-objR-mNqdSYYmaLuuMgAW_QsQUvwEwmpLdjkWVhXHjLW3o1PypFG_h7FNGAe4Y4Tc4ElzjCLIDlpiIJ5JPwd8/s400/IMG_7912.JPG" width="400" /></a><br />
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I am moving in ONE week and found the billion tiny bottles we used for Deklan when he first came home from the hospital. It kind of hurt my heart to think about the struggles I went through trying SO hard to breast feed for two months straight. I literally was feeding this baby ALL DAY LONG. It was such a process. First I had to pump, clean the pump, attempt Deklan on the boob with the nipple sheild, deal with a very angry baby, then finally give him a bottle of the pumped milk. By the time this process was done I was starting all over again. On top of that he wasn't eating enough. I remember feeding him 20-30 ml of milk (less than ONE ounce!) in the beginning and it would take a HALF HOUR just for that. He was too sleepy to even stay awake for a feeding. It was all so scary. Made me feel crazy. Things are SO SO much better now, so I thought it would be a good time to update on how things are going with the post partum. I was reading about a fellow infertile blogger now mom who is dealing with postpartum like I did. If you didn't read when I posted that, you can <a href="http://ovulationfail.blogspot.com/2012/05/truth-about-postpartum.html" target="_blank">HERE</a>.<br />
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I struggled A LOT the first two months Deklan was here. I was pretty hard on myself. You really have NO way to truly prepare yourself for motherhood. Dealing with infertility you just assume once the baby is here you WILL BE HAPPY. I just for the record want to say for those soon to be moms out there, or very new moms that THIS DOES CHANGE in most cases. Things do calm down and it's totally normal to feel a little nuts in the beginning. (Maybe even a lot nuts!) When you bring a tiny human into this life, or adopt a child, or however you get your baby, you feel A LOT of responsibility as a parent. It's scary. All the sudden this other perfect little person needs you to survive. That's a lot to handle. You can't just give the baby back when your scared. This child is ALL YOURS! I also always heard how as a mom you naturally know what to do all the time. You don't instantly know your baby and it takes time to get to know them and what they need to be soothed.<br />
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Now that Deklan is 8 months old things are so different. If you would like to read his 8 month update you can <a href="http://jonnyandbrittany.blogspot.com/2013/01/8-months-oldwhat.html" target="_blank">HERE</a>. The post partum was completely gone when he was about 3 months old I would say. Obviously I have days still when I feel inadequate, or frustrated, or like my job isn't that important. MOST days are amazing. Most days I am in complete awe of this amazing little boy and feel so proud to be his mama. Like I sid, I think it's natural to have moments of insecurities but seriously as a new mom, or mom to be there is SO MUCH to look forward to. If you are not pregnant yet READ about the first yeat of what to expect- I wish I had!<br />
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<img height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhqQKUj-Yo_Sxae31ZEj2LdYGjBs0YAz4bCejzjC2gUcHIgcPeRSrwZYexcWtiaSHlmNneSt40zdMTeO2WWSTwx9m_G-PeF9DrPvEOFOs4_nc1QFw3PQi4XnGGIDWkVyasrlZLfHj_iUfU/s400/IMG_7895.JPG" width="400" /><br />
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Hopefully I am not rambeling too much here- my point of this post is to help those moms who DO have those feelings to know it's normal and it usually goes away. :) I finally posted pictures of Deklan's nursery so here are a few.<br />
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You can view more pics of his nursery <a href="http://jonnyandbrittany.blogspot.com/2013/01/nursery-room.html" target="_blank">HERE</a>.<br />
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I had a massive migrain today so my hubby took over and cared for our baby boy all day today. I caught him putting him into his bed after letting him fall asleep on his chest. Melted my heart. SO grateful for these two boys in my life. :)</div>
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<br />Jonny and Brittanyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08753078434384482912noreply@blogger.com1