A Bad Case of the Monday's

I have been in a bad mood today. A case of the Monday's times 100. Those dang pregnancy hormones REALLY caught up with me. :( I was SOOOOO extremely excited for my ultrasound this morning (nervous) but excited! I couldn't wait to get a picture of my cute man's little face and see him squirm around on the big screen. This seems petty now to even feel this way - but I was SO sad he covered his face the whole dang time. He was NOT in the mood to get his picture taken. I even ate a donuts and orange juice to make sure all that sugar would get him moving....no such luck. That was 8:00 this morning. I walked out with not ONE picture...and so my Monday began.

I went in for my follow up with the Doctor just waiting to hear GOOD news at least. All that REALLY matters was that my son was healthy and safe. Instead he told me they will be calling me for a level 2 Ultrasound (from an external place) in the next few days to take more pictures of Declan's heart and kidneys. He said they were "dialated." Also this time mentioned the spot on the heart can be a "soft marker" for down syndrome.

I again couldn't register anything but the positive things he said for the most part at the appointment. (This always happens till I get to work and start researching too much online) He was measuring EXACTLY 23 weeks today. He is 1.3 pounds now! My uterus and cervix are right on track. I gained a whole 2 POUNDS now this pregnancy. Not bad since I gained that all in the last 3 weeks or so.

Maybe I am just tired, and my headache is getting to me, or I'm frustrated about my son not showing his face, or his results not coming back as I planned...but I AM GRUMPY today and emotional. I think I made the MASSIVE mistake of telling a few coworkers about the results who gave me the "Oh no face" that freaked me out more. So I researched online which was NO good.

My Doctor didn't seem to concerned about the heart spot, so I immediately started researching the kidneys. I found stories of babies having to go through surgery their first week of life and was starting to freak out a bit. I also read that the kidney thing CAN ALSO be a soft marker of down syndrome. My mom called me right then and asked how it went and I broke down. Started crying and said I couldn't talk (Then she freaked out). It was just a roll of events that were probably unnecessary.

I called my Doctor twice trying to get more answers to my questions. Dr. Huish was the one to call me (again- sort of freaked me out HE called) He said I REALLY need to just sit back and relax till my level 2 ultrasound is done since that is what's for. I got to ask him the questions I missed. One kidney was dialated to 4 cm the other to 6 cm. One was only slightly dialated, the other was obviously worse. I also went ahead and asked him if that TOO was a marker for downs. It was. He said it's still SLIGHT. Of course when I read online though it said ONE marker gives a .5 % chance while 2 markers it jumps to 10%. My heart was heavy. I called my husband to tell him and broke down again. He was calm and level headed and told me to just have peace to know that our son will be perfect no matter what. If it's down syndrome we will love him just the same. If it's kidney issue's we will work through it. My sister passed away at age 24 from kidney failure so then I freaked out that it was hereditary or something. My mind is just going a million miles a minute and won't slow down. I know it it needs too. I know everything will be fine. I do know that, but it still always hurts to know that something COULD be wrong. I can't help but stress. I look at some of you amazing girls on bed rest and realize my situation doesn't even compare the slightest bit. I just can't seem to get rid of this aching feeling I have today. Level 2 ultrasound needs to hurry, because I could really use some reprieve.