First Office Visit...CHECK!

I seriously can't believe it myself but I FINALLY bit the bullet and went to see my fertility Dr again for the first time in YEARS now. Strange since I practically lived at his office for so long. It was the weirdest thing but I didn't sleep a wink the night before and all day was on pins and needles waiting to get into the office. You would think I was doing the transfer that day or something. I was WAAAAAYYY more nervous than the first time I had ever gone. I was trying to figure out why this felt like such a bigger commitment than last time. I think maybe because I know how much work in vitro is and am terrified of the thought of the emotional roller coaster I am about to embark on.

 Also we are DEFINITELY putting in two embryos this time which means I could have lots of babies running around my house real soon. The moment I saw Dr. Larsen I gave him the biggest hug and already started to feel so much more excitement about this. He went over every question I had and then some. His biggest concern was the fact Deklan came 6 weeks early and he was unsure how many embryos would be best for me. He felt that two was a good amount this time because it's only a 2-3% chance of each of those splitting into two MORE babies. I was terrified of two embryos turning into three or four. So that eased my worry a lot. Since Deklan came early by being induced for low amniotic fluid and not me going into actual labor early he felt comfortable with two embies. And so do I. Jonny has insisted on us having twins and as terrified as I am of the thought of two newborns I also think it would be kinda fun! As long as they are healthy that is what matters most to me.:)

I feel I am totally being long winded in this but I don't want to forget a thing. He wanted to get me in for his October cycle but it was the week my sister is getting married and the reception is at my house. We both decided that was too much stress and to do November. THEN the part that scared me. Our insurance. We have avoided coming into the office for a year now because my insurance does not cover maternity. We finally couldn't wait anymore and just said screw it let's just pay for all of it. My Dr. though had let me know that with the new Obama care apparently people who own small businesses like my husband WILL be allowed to have maternity coverage starting January. So....if I wait a FEW more months for the transfer I will be able to save at least 10 grand for the pregnancy and delivery. We are still calling our insurance tomorrow to see if there is ANY way to switch our lame plan we are on now so we can do the transfer in November but I highly doubt that will work. What's a few more months I guess right? So...for now the plan is to get ALL my testing done. He gave me a drug to start my way late period hopefully next week. I go in on Day one of my cycle and test my blood for a whole bunch of stuff, do an ultrasound to check how my ovaries are doing with cysts, an do a hysteroscopy. SO. Good news...I am getting started!!!!!!!!! The testing is only good six months- and it's expensive. So the reality is there is NO way we will not do this in the next few months!!!

This is a throwback of Deklan at a whopping 4 pounds- he was SO tiny and I hardly remember what to do with a newborn anymore :/

August 11th

It's a big day for me and the closer it get's the more nervous/excited I get. I'm not sure who all is following this blog anymore but the truth is I love this blog. I love being able to look back at my feelings throughout my pregnancy with Deklan, my whole in vitro process, the ups and downs, the miscarriage, and all the in betweens. So I've kept it. This is my honest place and I keep it that way so I can remember all I went through for each of these babies:) I don't blog a lot (I feel that may change here real soon :) August 11th is my FIRST appointment back with my infertility doctor. I am SO excited to see him again and start up the process with baby #2.

I am really nervous this time. I have tried to pretend I'm fine- but truth is I have heard so many situations of in vitro NOT working that I am starting to think Deklan was a lucky first try:/ I once again do NOT have anyone to talk to and am feeling pretty alone. At least I don't feel like anyone try's to understand my feelings. I get a lot of "You need to think positive." or "It worked the first time around so you need to think it will work again." I OF COURSE would LOVE to feel that way, but would love for someone to just say- it's OKAY to be scared. I know that must be hard. It doesn't matter if it worked last time I"M STILL SCARED. I think once these people have to pay 8 or 10 grand for every POSSIBILITY of having a baby maybe they will understand how scary it really is.

The positive in all this- I am excited at the possibility of having twins. First time around that scared me and now I feel ready for it :) We are putting in TWO embryos this time. We have a total of 7 frozen embryos right now. I am pretty sure my doctor is having us go through a month of testing first. He makes us retest every six months with fertility treatments. That's about $1,000 but it's the first step so I'm excited to take it. I'm just praying my body is ready. If all goes well with that we do about a month of drugs (lots of shots and injections- but not as much as last time thank goodness!) And the office wanted to do the transfer in October. My little sister is getting married in October and I'm, a little nervous this could get in the way. Unfortunately with in vitro you don't just pick a date for a transfer you really have to be at the office like three times a week and base it off what your body says. Last year my transfer date fell the DAY after my best friends wedding making things stressful and I am trying to avoid that all together this time if possible. So- either early October or early November will be the big transfer! All I can think about right now is how cute of a big brother Deklan will be! :):) So...here we go round 2! FINALLY! Let's do this :)

In the mean time let's just say this toddler keeps me busy :)




this happens way too often...haha

this was our failed attempt at potty training :)