August 11th

It's a big day for me and the closer it get's the more nervous/excited I get. I'm not sure who all is following this blog anymore but the truth is I love this blog. I love being able to look back at my feelings throughout my pregnancy with Deklan, my whole in vitro process, the ups and downs, the miscarriage, and all the in betweens. So I've kept it. This is my honest place and I keep it that way so I can remember all I went through for each of these babies:) I don't blog a lot (I feel that may change here real soon :) August 11th is my FIRST appointment back with my infertility doctor. I am SO excited to see him again and start up the process with baby #2.

I am really nervous this time. I have tried to pretend I'm fine- but truth is I have heard so many situations of in vitro NOT working that I am starting to think Deklan was a lucky first try:/ I once again do NOT have anyone to talk to and am feeling pretty alone. At least I don't feel like anyone try's to understand my feelings. I get a lot of "You need to think positive." or "It worked the first time around so you need to think it will work again." I OF COURSE would LOVE to feel that way, but would love for someone to just say- it's OKAY to be scared. I know that must be hard. It doesn't matter if it worked last time I"M STILL SCARED. I think once these people have to pay 8 or 10 grand for every POSSIBILITY of having a baby maybe they will understand how scary it really is.

The positive in all this- I am excited at the possibility of having twins. First time around that scared me and now I feel ready for it :) We are putting in TWO embryos this time. We have a total of 7 frozen embryos right now. I am pretty sure my doctor is having us go through a month of testing first. He makes us retest every six months with fertility treatments. That's about $1,000 but it's the first step so I'm excited to take it. I'm just praying my body is ready. If all goes well with that we do about a month of drugs (lots of shots and injections- but not as much as last time thank goodness!) And the office wanted to do the transfer in October. My little sister is getting married in October and I'm, a little nervous this could get in the way. Unfortunately with in vitro you don't just pick a date for a transfer you really have to be at the office like three times a week and base it off what your body says. Last year my transfer date fell the DAY after my best friends wedding making things stressful and I am trying to avoid that all together this time if possible. So- either early October or early November will be the big transfer! All I can think about right now is how cute of a big brother Deklan will be! :):) So...here we go round 2! FINALLY! Let's do this :)

In the mean time let's just say this toddler keeps me busy :)




this happens way too often...haha

this was our failed attempt at potty training :)