Recent Happenings

Sorry for the lengthy time between posts! I am officially moved into my new house now (still lots of boxes to go through), went on our FIRST trip to Disneyland with Deklan (we are now PROUD annual pass members!), and Deklan and I are BOTH sick right now! UGH. Disney land is magical...and full of germs. Actually I went to a business meeting with my husband the night before Disney land, and the lady who invited us has a one year old little girl who was SUPER sick. THANK you for the kind welcome gift. Seriously though...is it just me or is it RIDICULOUS to invite a baby over and forget to include their child is sick. Maybe I'm overprotective but it sort of ruined our trip to Disney land and for that matter ruined our week.  Sorry for the rant...just annoyed. We got in SOME time at Disney land but we did leave a day early because of Deklan being sick. I would be FURIOUS if I didn't have passes this year to come back as much as we want. Okay rant over. Other than that I have to say it was pretty magical bringing Deklan to Disneyland. This is something Jonny and I had dreamed of for so long and even though Deklan may not remember it...we will!!! Unfortunatley these were just my instagram pictures from my phone- I will post the better quality pictures on my other blog when I get around to loading them over. :)

As far as everything else goes...aunt flow should be here tomorrow. I have kind of lost hope of the idea of getting pregnant on my own though. I never went back for another ultrasound to check on my cyst since the pain went away. It never ruptured though either...so it's either just slowly going away or hidden somewhere ready to pop. I haven't felt it for a while thank goodness! Thank you for all your sweet thoughts! I recently added a few of you on facebook and instagram which has been so fun to get to know you better :) If you would like to add me here I am:
facebook: https://www.facebook.com/Betashji
Brittytash is my instagram name :)

Although I guess we should be careful of crazy stalkers after what happened to our fellow blogger friend http://mydarlingrainbow.blogspot.com/ !! Still SO crazy! Okay here are a few instagram pics of the trip! :)




 Had to take this from the bathroom- BEST INVENTION EVER! Please ignore the no socks- this boy threw them off while sitting there! :)


p.s if you are reading this TTC Baby E email me at betashjian@gmail.com I can't see your blog anymore :( I hope you are okay and am SO SO sorry for the loss of your dad. I lost my dad just a few years ago and am still heart broken. It's the hardest thing to go through- email me if you need anything girl! Sending you LOTS of love and prayers xoxoxo

So Frustrating.

I forgot all about this part. The annoying part of your body not doing what it's supposed to. I'm not pregnant obviously, which is fine because I don't expect it to be fast this time around. I forgot about the frustrating part of not knowing what the heck is going on with your body. Before I got pregnant I had A LOT of issues with cysts rupturing, very LARGE ones at that. My body wasn't releasing the eggs properly, instead it would keep it and grow a massive painful cyst in it's place, I had ones literally the size of grapefruits that the pain was WORSE than childbirth when they ruptured. Granted I got an epidural when I was barley dialated, but I had to FORCE my body into labor overnight which wasn't easy. I am pretty sure I had one while I was on my cruise a few months ago rupture, just a smaller one, and now I have another one. I am pretty sure it's a larger one. My stomach is SO bloated that I swear you can see one side of my stomach look larger from the outside. I called my fertility specialist which I haven't seen since I was newly pregnant. I am excited to see him, but nervous at the same time. It throws me back into that world of having an RE again. I hate feeling so icky. I can literally feel it throb EVERY step I take- not horrible unbearable pain but ANNOYING pain. Really awful moving during all of this. This is what it looks like on a diagram.



It's awful. Some of you had to go through OHSS like I did with in vitro. Oh my gosh, it's THE WORST. This reminds me of all that awful stuff from in vitro I forgot about and put in the back of my mind. It makes the thought of being pregnant again or doing in vitro very scary and not so enticing. UGH. PLEASE go away cyst. And Don't come back another day. Meanwhile this guy is taking good care of me. :)





And same with this guy. p.s he learned to crawl!!!! Doesn't he look thrilled about it?! :)

Post Partum Part two

I am moving in ONE week and found the billion tiny bottles we used for Deklan when he first came home from the hospital. It kind of hurt my heart to think about the struggles I went through trying SO hard to breast feed for two months straight. I literally was feeding this baby ALL DAY LONG. It was such a process. First I had to pump, clean the pump, attempt Deklan on the boob with the nipple sheild, deal with a very angry baby, then finally give him a bottle of the pumped milk. By the time this process was done I was starting all over again. On top of that he wasn't eating enough. I remember feeding him 20-30 ml of milk (less than ONE ounce!) in the beginning and it would take a HALF HOUR just for that. He was too sleepy to even stay awake for a feeding. It was all so scary.  Made me feel crazy. Things are SO SO much better now, so I thought it would be a good time to  update on how things are going with the post partum. I was reading about a fellow infertile blogger now mom who is dealing with postpartum like I did. If you didn't read when I posted that, you can HERE.

 I struggled A LOT the first two months Deklan was here. I was pretty hard on myself. You really have NO way to truly prepare yourself for motherhood. Dealing with infertility you just assume once the baby is here you WILL BE HAPPY. I just for the record want to say for those soon to be moms out there, or very new moms that THIS DOES CHANGE in most cases. Things do calm down and it's totally normal to feel a little nuts in the beginning. (Maybe even a lot nuts!) When you bring a tiny human into this life, or adopt a child, or however you get your baby, you feel A LOT of responsibility as a parent. It's scary. All the sudden this other perfect little person needs you to survive. That's a lot to handle. You can't just give the baby back when your scared. This child is ALL YOURS! I also always heard how as a mom you naturally know what to do all the time. You don't instantly know your baby and it takes time to get to know them and what they need to be soothed.

Now that Deklan is 8 months old things are so different. If you would like to read his 8 month update you can HERE. The post partum was completely gone when he was about 3 months old I would say. Obviously I have days still when I feel inadequate, or frustrated, or like my job isn't that important. MOST days are amazing. Most days I am in complete awe of this amazing little boy and feel so proud to be his mama. Like I sid, I think it's natural to have moments of insecurities  but seriously as a new mom, or mom to be there is SO MUCH to look forward to. If you are not pregnant yet READ about the first yeat of what to expect- I wish I had!



Hopefully I am not rambeling too much here- my point of this post is to help those moms who DO have those feelings to know it's normal and it usually goes away. :) I finally posted pictures of Deklan's nursery so here are a few.

You can view more pics of his nursery HERE.

 I had a massive migrain today so my hubby took over and cared for our baby boy all day today. I caught him putting him into his bed after letting him fall asleep on his chest. Melted my heart. SO grateful for these two boys in my life. :)

Reflecting on 2012 and moving Forward

Looking back at 2012, it was officially the best year of my life yet! Now I can't wait to see what next year brings.



January 2012- I was super pregnant and having my baby moon in the Caribbean



2012 My husbands business really took off and allowed me to quit my job of 8 YEARS! Guys, I HATED my job. I love staying at home with my babe.


I had this little monkey. He was a miracle. He came 5 weeks early but is healthy as can be! SO many blessings!

He added the sweetest spirit to our home

My little sis came home from her mission and got to meet her two sweet nephews. :)












I FINALLY went to Harry Potter Land- if you know me you know I am OBSESSED with Harry Potter and it was a dream vacation!


Got to visit lots of fabulous beaches with my favorite guys


On top of that we bough our first custom home and are moving in less than TWO WEEKS!!!


Not a bad year if I do say so myself. :) I am feeling beyond blessed today looking back at the blessing we have received. This gets me excited for 2013. :) Happy New Years guys!!!

Updating My Blog List

Please let me know if you would like to be on my blog list :) I am trying to update things on here since I am going on for round 2!  Plus, I think it's such a good way for us infertile ladies to stay connected! :)

A Trip Down Memory Lane

I was going through a box of old stuff and found my planner/calendar from the year we did IVF. Reading through it I almost died seeing my daily schedule...I wanted this baby SO BAD and tried to do everything perfect to make this happen. Not that it always works, but it would say daily affirmations, daily walks and workouts, drinking LOTS of water, working out  (lightly of course- because I was nervous of messing things up), Lupron shots, relaxation techniques, constant doctors appointments (seriously like 2-3 a week)! It's still amazing to me that it really worked the first time. After LOTS of failed IUI's, and months of chlomid I didn't think a positive was possible. I have a phone app that tracks my cycle now- like I said I started it this month. My cycle is due in the next week. Strangest thing is that when I was possibly ovulating this month I got SUPER nauseated...ya know like pregnancy nausea. For a splint second I thought...hmmmm maybe??? Jonny immediately got me a pregnancy test that said negative. I knew it would. I read online I guess you can get nauseated when you ovulate....strange??! This whole normal trying to get pregnant thing is so foreign to me. I feel so out of my element that I just want to call me RE and set an appt right now. Sounds silly to pay another 6 grand or so when I DID get pregnant on my own after Deklan was born. So...now I wait. Deklan is still SUCH a tiny baby to me. He still snuggles. I am loving every minute with this little guy. He is honestly my best friend. He does EVERYTHING with me. Jonny and I decided if nothing happends by March we will go sit down with our RE. Here are a few recent instagram photos of baby boy!

Back Here Again??

Hey guys I'm back! Today is my first day I have had a few hours to myself- and it's my husbands birthday! I am an awesome wife and sent him away golfing. (Sounds like more of a gift to me to get a few hours alone but I swear he likes it!) We have been out of town and when we finally got home we bought a house!! That has had us running ALL over getting ideas on what we want to do to this new place :)

All of the sudden out of nowhere I have been getting THE QUESTION- the one I despised hearing before having Deklan- When are you guys gonna try for number two?? Okay I don't HATE the question as much anymore- but I do feel the pressure. Truth is we were never really preventing. This month is the first month I can honestly say we are "trying." Meaning attempt to count days of the month and such. Because of our previous experience I get nervous counting days. I don't like the idea of testing at the end of the month and possibly getting a negative pregnancy test. Strange thing is if I was still pregnant right now and had not miscarried I would have another newborn here in 20 weeks. Crazy to think about, and I honestly try not to.

 So here we are again. The infertility thoughts of being inadequate are slowly creeping in. My plan is to count days and track my cycle for a few months and see how it goes. I have been regular since Deklan which is totally abnormal for me.  If it doesn't work we will go back to the fertility specialist for round two of in vitro. The thought I could get pregnant again in the next year excites me now! I am excited to experience it all over again. I would kinda like to skip this part and go straight to in vitro. It's SO SO hard on your body- but trying to get pregnant the old fashioned way is SO SO hard on your emotions. With in vitro it's all science. The natural way of trying to get pregnant is scary territory for me. Truth be told I am the happiest I have ever been in my life so I hate to ruin it with trying again. At the same time I WANT MORE BABIES! Deklan is amazing! More amazing than I could have imagined- and I am grateful to have such a precious miracle. I have watched so many of you have your miracle babies, and some of you still struggle or are newly pregnant. This has been such a crazy ride- who's in for round 2???? 2 weeks till my next period....I already feel drained.