A New Beginning

This is the start to what I HOPE and pray is the ending to a hard few years of infertility. Infertility REALLY affects every aspect of your life and it's impossible to understand unless you have dealt with it. This is also something that I don't think will ever leave you. I will always remember what I have gone through- regardless if this works or not. Jonny told me last week that he had paid for In Vitro- The first step oddly enough is birth control- who knew??? haha! I started Zeosa (some form of birth control) 2 days ago. This is the second time I have taken birth control in MY LIFE. Both times I take it for ONE month to GET pregnant- how ironic.:) I am also taking metformin (meant for diabetes even though I don't have it) to help with my insulin levels with my PCOS. Today I dry heaved for about 5 minutes at my desk because that stuff makes me SO SICK! It's crazy what you will do though when you want something so bad! I JUST got off the phone with Jen (the lady at the fertility office who coordinates every girls cycle at the office) what a tough job- and she is sending me out a calendar first thing in the morning with every step I will be taking for the next 6 weeks to get my body where it needs to be. From what I know- I take birth control for about 3 weeks- do injections and other drugs to induce LOTS of eggs, get put under to get the eggs (around Sept 13th) implant the ones that made it in the petri dish on the 16th- then lay on bed rest for a few days to let those babies implant. Right now I am struggeling with all these feeling of anxiety- I am worried about being too selfish to be a good mom- Jonny and I have lived in our own little world for so long. I know this will be a massive adjustment. I am not even thinking about the fact it might NOT work- can't handle those feelings for now. Right now I have to think positive and just hope for the best. I just hope to be a good mom.