My Little Fighter Embryo

I haven't posted these because I have been doing lots of this lately:

Thought I would post pictures of the morning of the transfer finally. Here we are in our get up- when you're doing an embryo transfer you literally can't wear makeup, perfumes, smelly hair products- nada- so we showered that morning (no lotions and potions) and headed over in comfy clothes. I took a Valium- an hour before to relax my uterus- it relaxed me enough to sleep the rest of the day though...guess I'm a lightweight. Here we are before the transfer.
When we got there the doctor came in and gave us a speech as promised on how many embryo's we SHOULD transfer. I sat in the room for 15 minutes and cried trying to decide. The embryologist gave me a picture of my embryos and said- this is your embryo- you want room for it to grow and be healthy. So that's what I did. I froze 7 other good embryo's. Dr. said it was enough for another 3 rounds of invitro (doing 2 each time) He said at his office 96% plus of the them survive after being defrosted (haha sounds so funny I froze my babies for later) Luckily those next few times I decide to do in vitro I don't have to go through stimulating more eggs (that was awful)
So here is the picture they gave us of the baby- crazy how that mass is the baby already forming- this was BEFORE it got implanted! The science is amazing to me! The Doctor puts this directly into my uterus- baby's job is then to hatch from it's outer layer and burry into the lining.

Jonny was in the room the whole time holding my hand- It was such a cool process to watch- we got to see on a big screen next to us where the doctor put the baby- so strange-

After the procedure I got lay on this table (sort of upside down) for a half hour. One of the hardest parts- having to pee like a race horse the whole time. I had to have a full bladder before the procedure- seriously thought I was going to pee my pants. Don't worry I didn't.

Here is the end result:

It takes nine days to find out if the embryo attached- the nine days after the transfer look like this:

5-Day Transfer

Days Past Transfer (DPT)	Embryo Development
One	The blastocyst begins to hatch out of its shell
Two	The blastocyst continues to hatch out of its shell and begins to attach itself to the uterus
Three	The blastocyst attaches deeper into the uterine lining, beginning implantation
Four	Implantation continues
Five	Implantation is complete, cells that will eventually become the placenta and fetus have begun to develop
Six	Human chorionic gonadotropin (hCG) starts to enter the blood stream
Seven	Fetal development continues and hCG continues to be secreted
Eight	Fetal development continues and hCG continues to be secreted
Nine	Levels of hCG are now high enough to detect a pregnancy

This morning I got blood work done to check my hormone levels- I continue the progesterone shots in the butt (which is bruised) and wear estrogen patches- this continues till I am 12 weeks pregnant or start a period- so now I pray no period starts- I am hoping this embryo's a fighter! To keep my mind off that I leave for Hawaii bright and early tomorrow morning! :)

One Embryo Transfer...CHECK! :)

I am so so sorry for all those I haven't responded to on facebook and through texts. I am not ignoring you I promise! I have gotten an overwhelming amount of love from good friends and family THANK YOU ALL!!! Your support has gotten me through all this. :) I have been sleeping ALL DAY and the husband hasn't let me left a finger. literally- finally convincing him the labtop wasn't too heavy for me I thought I would give you guys a quick update.

Today went amazing. Jonny's parents came over last night and I got a priesthood blessing - This meant SO MUCH to me because not having my dad here through all of this has been hard. Jonny's dad literally see's me as his daughter and I love him so much for that. He sat and rubbed my feet and hugged me and let me cry to him about my worries. I guess I was craving my dad. I was feeling so confused at how many embryo's to transfer back with how my ovaries have been over stimulated. After the blessing I felt an overwhelming amount of peace that everything is going to be okay. :)

I hadn't slept ALL week and last night after the blessing I slept ALL night no problem. All my anxieties literally just went away. Sunday morning we got in and got to see a picture of our little embryo. After A LOT of discussion, prayers, and tears we decided to only put in one. We want ONE healthy fat chunky baby who gets to go home from the hospital the day I do. I felt in my heart I couldn't handle the trial of sick babies. The doctor said he would be scratching his head if this didn't work- so we were basically choosing- do we want one baby...or TWINS. I think the next time we do this with frozen embryo's we will do two- for now we pray that our one perfect embryo will stick!! When they showed me the picture I looked at it and thought how much more nutrients and room he/she would have with just the one. There is still a SMALL chance (maybe 3%)it could split to two. I figured if god wanted us to have two it will happen naturally. I will post babies first picture tomorrow. I am REALLY really happy today- I have a lot of hope for this little one. :) So now I sit and wait on bed rest. The blastocyst should hatch from it's shell today and implant in the next two days. Tomorrow I have to decide how many of my other embryo's to freeze. A few days after that I get my blood drawn to check my progesterone levels- then HAWAII for a week. The day I get back from Hawaii I get my blood drawn for the pregnancy test- NINE days away!!!!! I am SO excited to finally be here in this moment and can't wait to find out the results. :) Hawaii will be a good distraction.

P.S THANK YOU to those is my ward who decided to bring us dinner the next few days- that has been a HUGE help! :)

About 20 more hours

At least my meds look pretty right? They even have cute little hearts on them! Don't let them fool you though- I was supposed to be at work today for my last day- instead I spent half my day throwing up LARGE amounts of my breakfast shake the Mr. made me. I took my trigger shot last night at 8:45 exactly. They are very precise on the time- has the be exactly 35 hours before the retrieval. My ovaries were looking over stimulated on Sunday mornings appt- eggs are getting big- so I got prescribed Dostinex to stop the over stimulation part. I am supposed to be on that 8 days- but there is NO WAY. I called in and told them forget it- NOT taking that stuff ever again. They were okay with that thank goodness. I just took a sleeping pill and it's 2:00 in the afternoon. I am hoping to just sleep the rest of today away with awful this morning was. I'm sorry if I haven't responded to texts and calls- just SO HAPPY tomorrow those babies will begin growing!
Here are the updated stats- I go in at 7 am to Scottsdale tomorrow morning to get put under anesthesia and have all my eggs retrieved. Tomorrow is the big "fertilization" moment I have never had. This is all a first for me and couldn't be more excited! Jonny does his thing tomorrow- I do mine- and than somehow lots of babies are created in a medical lab. I get updates daily on my babies- hoping they are healthy and ready for implantation this Saturday or Sunday! Let's hope for Sunday so I can still make it to my best friends wedding Saturday- that would make all of this perfect. :)

Ignorant People

I know you infertile friends of mine out there can agree that some people are just a tad bit ignorant. Some of them seriously have the best of intentions, you can usually tell which ones do. So you try not get offended. Others you have to wonder if they mean to literally throw a knife in your back. Today I had one lady come up and say... "ya you look really bloated. You could pass for four months pregnant! And you look a bit crazy- I can tell those drugs are affecting you." Why not add that I look like a 12 year old because the hormones made me brake out as well?? YOU TRY HOLDING 20- 30 growing Eggs in your ovaries!!!!! I usually just brush it off to ignorance. People don't realize what they are saying. It also might be I am overly sensitive and pumped up with hormones...but wouldn't you think people would know to be even MORE careful??! I could rant and rave on this subject forever. Some of my favorite comments thus far:

1. Your Mormon...shouldn't you have like ten kids by now? (Really?)

2. You are SO lucky to not have to get babysitters! PLEASE don't call us lucky!!!

3. At least you get to keep your good figure. (I would take stretch marks in a second for a baby...would you send your baby back to get a flat tummy?? No way...)

4. YOU JUST NEED TO RELAX!!

(This one is my all time favorite. Are you kidding me people?!!! You think I haven't tried going on vacation and pretending I'm not dealing with infertility. YOU TRY IT!)

5. You should just adopt. (Who are you again? Please don't tell someone what they should do. I have obviously thought long and hard about what to do- and may actually adopt down the line- really though???No one's business)

6. There is probably a reason for it. (What does this even mean?)

7. Your still so young honey. Don't stress so much. (AHHHHH! Makes me want to pull my hair out!)

8. My friend adopted and then ended up getting pregnant two months later! My friend had the same problem as you! (Your friend IS NOT me!)

9. Have you tried standing on your head? (What do you think?)

10. I wish I had that problem. I get pregnant when my husband looks at me (Good for you- do you want a cookie?)

11. I think people who do in vitro are selfish. There are so many kids out in the world that need a good home. ( No explanation needed)

This the end to my hormonal ranting and raving- I'm sorry if I have offended any of you who actually say these things. Most of the time we know there is nothing you CAN say to someone dealing with such a big thing. Now you are educated on what NOT to say.

As far as what to say- all we need is acknowledgment that this is hard and that we have support from them. That's all.

Now onto good news. :)

Update on the EGGS: A few days ago my estrogen skyrocketed to 1,106 (supposed to be at 600) so my Doc had me cut one of my drugs in half...again) Today I found out my estrogen is now at 2,376.5!!!!! HOLY COW! It will probably double every day at this point he said. It's high- but he said it's because I have more eggs than normal. He wants me to cut out one of medications all together so I don't keep over producing- that would just add to the pain in my ovaries. No thank you. This morning I blew up and really do look 4 months pregnant- which is awesome because I am going to Sun-splash tomorrow to spend the day in a swimsuit with random people probably wondering if I'm pregnant or just fat- Nope just fat. However with my hormones where they are at ONLY I can say I look fat. This by far has been the hardest part of this whole process. However- babies are lookin good! 20- 30 follicles with many that are maturing as you can see in this picture below I stole of my ultra sound:

These are JUST the big ones he counted! They should grow 2.0 ml every day now which means I am now on track to have them pulled out and fertilized on Tuesday!!!! YAY!!!! For now I am seriously SO uncomfortable and not looking forward to have to poke myself THREE times every night now instead of just one big shot. 3 more LONG days. :) I just keep telling myself: I can do this I can do this I can do this!!!! :) Sunday I will go in for a check up on my follicles ONE more time- then the big day of retrieval comes. Let's hope those embryo's keep healthy!!

They are Dancing Around in There

Quick Update: Last night I got a call from my Dr.'s office to lower the dosage of the drugs I was taking- apparently my body over reacted a bit and my estridol (estrogen) levels were at a 600 when they need to be at a 300. Oops. This morning I went in for more blood work and another ultra sound. Results were awesome! Doc didn't even count all my follicles because I had so many- he said at least 25 good follicles!!! YAY!!!! I am starting to actually "feel" my ovaries- kind of a strange sensation. They feel heavy and ache a bit. I am starting to look pretty bloated- I will take the fatness for a baby though so no complaints here! The bruising on my stomach sorta sucks- I didn't really notice at first but now I am putting shots INTO the bruises and can feel them for sure (OUCH!) I am now going into the Dr.'s every 1-2 days. My next appt is Friday morning- then Sunday Morning for more ultrasounds to check on the "maturity" of each follicle. As of right now there is a good chance I will be getting my egg retrieval early! At the latest my egg retrieval will be in ONE WEEK! I am getting pretty excited- one week till my little embryo's will start growing in a dish. An added bonus: 4 more work days left!!!!!!!! Not bad. :) Things are going according to plan.

Until then...I will continue to obsess on pinterest. Is this not the cutest baby jacket ever!!?!

Um and are these not the chunkiest cheeks in the world?!



Love it. Happy Wednesday. :)

Positive Affirmations/ Visualization

• Every Cell in my body vibrates with energy and health
• Loving myself heals my life. I nourish my mind, body and soul
• My body heals quickly and easily
• I am at peace
• I trust in the process of life
• Life is a joy filled with delightful surprises
• My life is a joy filled with love, fun and friendship all I need do is stop all criticism, forgive, relax and be open.
• I choose love, joy and freedom, open my heart and allow wonderful things to flow into my life.

I am trying to use positive affirmations daily to help get rid of all the negative in my life. Positive affirmations DO WORK! If you want to read more about creating your own go HERE. I found these affirmations above on this site and it explains how they work and why. Everyone uses affirmations on a daily basis- they may just not be positive.

"It has been demonstrated that nearly 90% of our thoughts are negative, no wonder we find ourselves struggling. Each negative thought or word is a negative affirmation and these nasty little beasts can be even more powerful than positive affirmations because we often find them easier to accept. It is these negative thoughts that feed and validate our negative internal beliefs. Under this kind of negative bombardment most people simply do not have the strength to break free of their negative thoughts and become hopelessly locked into their own (usually false) negative beliefs.

Positive affirmations are designed to challenge those negative beliefs and start to stem the flow of negative thoughts and words that seek to validate them. Affirmations are more than just repeating words. It is a whole process of becoming aware of your thoughts and words in everyday life, choosing to think and project happy positive thoughts. The more you can consciously inject the spirit of you affirmations into your daily thoughts and words, the quicker they will work for you."

Good stuff right?? I don't think we even realize how negative self talk can affect us. We are our own worst critics- that's for sure. It may sound a little weird the first time you say them - but it's so worth it! It's so easy to get caught up in all that negative self talk. I am struggling a bit with the visualization aspect but am trying. You can go HERE to read about that. Thought I would share for those of you who are interested. :) Got my blood work done this morning with the Doctor- and am excited to see how things are progressing at my ultra sound tomorrow. Still didn't get much sleep last night but I'm working on it.

Stimulation Phase

I started the stimulation phase of all this on Saturday. I basically had to add two more drugs to my injections and another 5 oral drugs to my list of my "daily drug cocktail." I did fine Saturday- the injection hurt a lot more since the medication stings and it's a LOT more fluid (hence a bigger needle)- but I felt fine minus a small headache. Sunday was AWFUL. I couldn't move out of bed- (besides for church) because my constant headache became a migraine. I am also limited right now to what I can do- no Ibuprofen, no exercise, no unprotected sex (odd) NO CAFFEINE - which is just adding to my headache. Not being able to take my regular Excedrin for a headache pretty much sucked. I decided to just go to bed- hoping that would help but I COULDN'T SLEEP! I am talking didn't get an ounce of sleep till 5:00 this morning. I am grateful I had no work because I would have stayed home otherwise. (2 melatonin and a Tylenol pm later- I finally got 5 hours of sleep) It's like I can feel this pressure in my stomach. Tomorrow I go in for blood work- the next day an ultra sound to check in on how my follicles are doing. Doc says I will look pregnant by the end of this week due to my ovaries getting a lot larger than normal. I can already feel all the pressure in my lower abdomen- doesn't feel good. Can't wait for this part to be over. Unfortunately this part will last everyday until September 14th...seems like forever. :( Especially when you are moody, exhausted, and craving caffeine! Jonny took good care of me- made my hot chocolate and popcorn (my pre- pregnancy craving right now) Hopefully today will be better.

Still Alive!! Hormones are just kicking my butt!!!

Today is my fifth day of injections- I am pretty much used to this shot now-have 5 more days on it before I start mixing in an EXTRA two drugs to the vial. That and some other oral medications as well. I have been pretty lucky actually- not too bad of side effects minus the crazy mood swings.. Just ask my husband on that one. I may not be the nicest person in the world right now- I'm trying though. I still have another 16 days till my eggs are retrieved- LONG way to go! :) I am supposed to start my period this next week- which my doc says marks my first week of pregnancy- as you all probably know- you are not really pregnant the first two weeks of being pregnant. So odd.

I appreciate SO much how many people have offered to join in our family fast. Obviously the more the merrier! :) I wanted to update so everyone knows that date we plan on doing this. Sunday September 4th is the day we chose. (This next Fast Sunday) We will be starting our fast Saturday at 6:00ish and ending Sunday evening. Again you guys- THANK YOU! I debated being open about my treatment and I know now from all your amazing support I couldn't go through this without you! I am just so grateful to have the gospel in my life to give me the faith that things will turn out how they are supposed to. I just know that my heavenly father has a hand in all of this which is comforting. So for those of you who would like to join- you are welcome too and it's VERY much appreciated!!! :)

Day One of Injections

I think I felt sick for DAYS over today. I woke up excited though- I couldn't believe today was FINALLY that day. Jonny met me at the office- and by the way I SO RECOMMEND my Doctor to those looking for an infertility Dr. He is amazing. He is LDS- and TRULY cares about his patients. His office was named #1 in all of Arizona with the highest success rates- it's a plus that I like the guy. (Dr Larsen at Advanced Fertility Care)

Doc walked in and said "I heard you were nervous about all the medication- I'd be more nervous about having cysts today than doing the injections." I forgot that my body has to react well to all the meds for me to move forward. My heart about dropped in my stomach - I ALWAYS have cysts on my ovaries it seems like. Jonny looked all nice and comfortable in the corner while I get to do all the hard stuff (how this is fair I will never know)-

I on the other hand ** sorry to be so crude** got to spread my legs to the world for the billionth time. Every ultra sound I do is internal- fun I know. He said I get to do them every other day starting I think next week- Gotta wonder WHY a guy ever decides to do this job....hmmmmm???

He leans to the right side and says- you are half way there!! No cysts and you so far have 11 follicles on that side. He went over to the other side...cyst free and 10 MORE follicles. A total of 21 babies in the making! :) He does think he will get MORE eggs on the day of the retrieval but says everything looked perfect and I was on track for this month. I guess this was the big hurdle - YAY!

After all the questions with the doc we got to do the injection training with one of his staff. She pulled out all our drugs- made sure we had the right stuff- taught me HOW to do the injections and where. We went over my calendar and how things are supposed to go if my body works as planned. It was overwhelming- hopefully Jonny was paying attention because I struggled a bit. Not gonna lie I am a bit baby stricken right now- wanting to design my nursery- colors, ect....not even pregnant yet! My mind is in la la land.

My distractions come from pinterest

Maybe a girls room in these colors:

Or this wall which I am obsessed with- I obviously think am having a girl...


Back to today: We OF course had to take pics of the event of the SIGNING of the documents- giving them the LAST bit of money we owe. Jonny was sad- said we could go put it on a sports car instead- I said no...haha!

SO it's official- paid for, dates in place, drugs in the fridge, and I start my very FIRST injection done! Please please pray I won't be a hormonal B**** like everyone says I will be . I don't think my poor husband could take it.

THEN came round one of injections. My house turned into what looked like a drug lab. Here they are all sprawled out on the ground- trying to get organized: OVER 80 NEEDLES TOTAL- sick.

I was a nervous wreck and asked Jonny to do me the honors for the first time- (he will be out of town on business the next few days so I really need to figure this out!)

There was just SO much to remember from the training- mix this- Don't refrigerated this- remember this patch on this day on so on) WAY more than I expected to be honest! You can see how tiny these particular needles are for the Lupron medicine I take the next 10 days- it wasn't TOO bad considering I have never had a shot in my stomach before- the medicine stung for a bit...could have been worse.

SO I treated myself with this:
Oh and this...

and a movie cuddled up on the couch- I know- spoiled. :)

Overprotective Daddy

I can already see Jonny giving those signals of being an "overprotective daddy." I think it's adorable.:) That may change over time- but for now I'm just enjoying it. Maybe it's because we have waited this long and spent SO much money on this that he is overly excited about this new adventure. A few days ago we were at Costco buying a few groceries that easily turned into a $250 spending spree because Jonny wanted me eating only good healthy foods. He is "attempting" to make me stop with the caffeine- this has felt IMPOSSIBLE to me with getting no sleep in the last few weeks. I am only supposed to be on bed rest really for a few days- my husband "insists" on wheeling me around in a wheelchair in Hawaii to be on the safe side- oh boy!I have a feeling this is just the beginning. I also have the feeling that this trip to Hawaii is going to be REALLY lazy- no skydiving, scuba diving, hot tubs, or snorkeling-a little bummed about this. Who can complain when you have amazing scenery like this though:
Can't wait!!!!!

Finding Hope

This weekend was hard. A friend of mine who JUST found out she was pregnant from in vitro LAST WEEK just miscarried. When I found out she was pregnant- I cried, then cried even harder when I found out she was having to go through a miscarriage. My heart literally aches for her because I know the pain of infertility and I especially understand right now the pain from in vitro. Not ONLY emotional pain- but physical and financial pains. She deserved for this to work- she is a good person and an amazing mom. I am trying to pull hope from any place I can. This girl did do in vitro before and actually HAS an adorable little boy from it which gives me that hope. :) I am trying SO hard to think positive- but also keep in mind that there is a chance this may not work and life will still go on. I will be okay- my little family will be okay. For now- my prayers and thoughts go out to this girl and her family.

3:45 am

Anxiety has been creeping in lately. Many times it will wake me up out of my sleep and run around in circles in my head for hours. I don't handle stress well. At all. I am taking 3 and a half weeks off work for this- what if it didn't work and I had to do it again?? YIKES! My boss would freak! My sweet husband woke up from all my tossing and turning- got up and talked with me about all my fears, cuddled up to me in bed and told me it was all going to be okay. I start to worry that I'm not good enough- I don't read my scriptures long enough, so many things in life I fall short at so I worry about juggling it all. I have to let it go- and realize that this is in god's hands- and things will happen as they should. It's just hard.

How do you handle your anxiety?? I need some things to do right now to get all these things OFF my mind and focus on the positive. I thought about setting up some massages (heading to the chiropractor each week for an adjustment) A friend suggested meditation- but I have NO idea how to do that. My mind can't shut off for even 5 minutes! For now- with all these sleepless nights, I will just look like a walking zombie.:)

Look What Came in the Mail Today...

I haven't even seen this in person yet and it makes me want to vomit- those two big bags at the bottom are all NEEDLES! BLEH!!! Jonny sent me this picture today- he got a big box of drugs on ice- and it begins. :)

In Vitro Process

I have been getting lots of questions on how this whole in vitro process works- so I thought I would educate you guys on how this works and where it all began. :) Plus it was good for me to read about this in depth- it's amazing what science has done for us- it's even MORE amazing what Heavenly Father has allowed our bodies to do. Louise Brown was the first successful "test tube" baby from 1978. It really wasn't THAT long ago that this whole process started. You can read about it here. It's crazy to me that my future baby will be considered a "test tube" baby- After LOTS of testing and trials they have found that it's a pretty high success rate for most couples that could have never had a baby otherwise. What a miracle!!!

I have dealt with the issue of this being in god's plan or not. Am I not having a baby because I was supposed to adopt another child?? There are people who feel in vitro is unethical because you freeze all your eggs and some may get thrown out. All I know is that I have prayed long and hard what direction we are supposed to go with our family- and I feel good about this being our next step. It may not be the right thing for everyone- but it IS the right step for us right now. I have met children born from in vitro who are AMAZING perfect children. They were spirits who were supposed to be a part of that family. I would actually love to still adopt down the road either way. Now here is how things work:

PHASE 1: Pituitary and Ovarian Supression


1. Start Birth Control (I started this a few weeks ago-I have been bleeding for like 2 weeks straight!!! grrrr)

WHY birth control: The Doctors use oral contraceptive pills and/or leuprolide acetate (Lupron) shots to suppress your natural hormonal surges and “take control” of your stimulation with gonadotropins (injectable fertility medication). By suppressing or “down-regulating” your pituitary (which releases hormones) and ovaries, the formation of naturally occurring ovarian cysts may be minimized and the FSH and LH receptors on the ovaries may become more sensitive and require less medication to stimulate them.

***August 24th @10:00 am- Training on Injections and Drugs at fertility center - This is the day I start injections (ONE week from today!!) I am totally freaked about this- I HATE needles!!

PHASE 2: Ovarian Stimulation

During the stimulation phase, I will give myself daily injections of fertility medications (gonadotropins) for 9 to11 days. These injections stimulate the development of multiple ovarian follicles which contain the eggs. Careful monitoring with ultrasounds and blood hormone levels allows my Dr. to make necessary adjustments to my treatment regimen and minimize any complications from the powerful fertility drugs. Once the follicles have reached their ideal size, a subcutaneous (under the skin) or intramuscular injection of HCG mimics your own body's hormonal LH surge which causes final maturation of the eggs prior to harvesting (retrieval).

***September 3rd I start MORE injections- taking up to 3 shots a day for almost 2 weeks!!! (YIKES)

PHASE 3: Egg Retrieval:

***Sept 14th Estimated Day of Egg Retrieval (HCG trigger shot is given)

Occurring 35-36 hours after receiving the HCG shot, the egg retrieval is performed in our on-site dedicated procedure room. A board certified anesthesiologist will provide intravenous sedation to prevent any pain or discomfort during the procedure. Under ultrasound guidance, a very thin needle is passed through the upper portion of the vagina into the ovary and into the individual ovarian follicles. The fluid containing the egg is aspirated and subsequently identified by our embryologist in the adjoining laboratory. In general, the recovery from an egg retrieval procedure is rapid and you will be monitored by one of our registered nurses for 30 to 60 minutes after the procedure prior to being sent home. Since anesthesia is used on the day of retrieval, someone must be available to drive you to and from our facility. Some women may experience mild cramping on the day of retrieval which usually subsides by the evening of retrieval. In some cases, a sensation of fullness or pressure may last for up to one week following the procedure.

** A side note: I have a friend who said you look like 5 months pregnant during this part- partially because you have like 40 EGGS during the day of retrieval!!!! SHEESH!

*** Sept 6th- Get my blood drawn to check hormones

***Sept 7th- Ultra sound and more Blood work


***Sept 10th: ( partner ejaculates for optomized sample) As if he hasn't had to do that enough through this process- haha! Poor guy!

PHASE 4: Fertilization

Once the follicular fluid is removed from the follicle, the eggs are identified and isolated by the embryologist and placed into an incubator. The eggs are fertilized with sperm later that day by conventional insemination or by Intracytoplasmic Sperm Injection (ICSI). For conventional insemination, the sperm obtained from the male partner is placed into a specialized culture solution with the egg and then placed in a specially regulated incubator. If intracytoplasmic sperm injection (ICSI) is to be performed, this is when it will occur. Under the microscope, the embryologist picks up a single sperm and injects it directly into the cytoplasm of the egg using a small glass needle.

The eggs will then be checked within 18-20 hours later to document fertilization. The embryologist will check the eggs again the next day to evaluate for early cell division. Once a sperm fertilizes an egg, it is considered a zygote which then develops into an embryo. The embryos are then transferred to a different culture media and grown over the next 2-6 days. On day two or three after fertilization, the embryos will be evaluated for blastocyst culture. If there is a sufficient number of dividing embryos they will be placed in special blastocyst media and grown for two or three additional days. Ideally, the embryos will have grown for five or six days until they reach the blastocyst stage. For many couples these blastocysts have the greatest chance of implantation. This allows us to transfer fewer embryos, in some cases only one, and lower the risk of multiple births while increasing the chance of pregnancy. Some embryos may also be cryopreserved (frozen) at the end of the culture period.

** I am opting for 2 eggs to be transfered! :) The rest will be frozen for next time.

PHASE 5: Embryo Transfer

This brief, painless procedure involves the use of ultrasound guidance while the embryo(s) are placed into the endometrial cavity of the uterus either 3 or 5 days (blastocyst transfer) after fertilization, using a small highly specialized plastic catheter. No sedation is necessary for this procedure, although we do recommend and prescribe diazepam (Valium®) to ensure overall relaxation. After transfer, progesterone supplementation via injection and/or vaginal suppository will be taken for the next 10-12 days and a blood pregnancy test will be performed approximately 2 weeks from the retrieval date.

**Sat Sept 17- Sep 19th (Embryo Transfer depending on how the babies are growing)
Continue Medications
Blood draw for estrogen and progesterone levels

**Dr. wants me on bed rest for at least 2 days after transfer- then I go to Hawaii to relax :)

PHASE 6: Pregnancy Test and OB Care

The initial pregnancy test will be performed in our office 2 weeks after your retrieval date. Blood hCG levels will then be checked every 2-3 days for those who do have an initial positive pregnancy test. An ultrasound will be performed at approximately 5-6 weeks of pregnancy (2-3 weeks after embryo transfer) and repeated one to two more times during first trimester until a normal healthy heartbeat is confirmed. Once viability is confirmed, you will be referred back to your Ob/Gyn for appropriate obstetrical care.

****and there you have it (SUCCESS!!!!)****

Count Down Time

9 days till I start the injections

30 days till my egg retrieval

33- 35 days till implantation (depending on how my babies grow)

35 days till Hawaii

43 days till I find out if I'm pregnant.

Birth Control

Considering I have only tried birth control twice- both times to GET pregnant- and only for one month at a time- I don't have much experience with it. Zeosa sucks compared to my last one I took. I FREAKED today because I started having really bad cramps and was bleeding!!! What the heck? Isn't that supposed to end all of that?? The pain- bloating- bleeding- the crankiness?? I am grateful I don't have to be on it long- and feel bad for those of you who have to live on this stuff for sometimes years. Just sayin- if this baby works- NOT using birth control- probably won't need it. One of the ONLY perks to PCOS and fertility problems.

Fear of Falling

I have a fear of falling. Not falling from a high rise building or falling out of a plane- a fear of falling in life. Do you ever fear that fall so much that you decide to never take that jump in life? It could be a new job, starting a new life, or adding another member to your family. I have been so afraid of taking this next step- because there is a chance I can fail. I do this A LOT in life. I am so scared of failing that I don't jump at all. Take 10th grade for instance- I had just finished cheer in 9th grade and chose NOT to try out in 10th grade JUST IN CASE I don't make the squad. That would be SO much more awful to say that I tried and failed than to say I never tried at all. I used that excuse to not try out for the Euporea dance team ALL THREE years in high school. It made me feel better to stick in advanced dance and say I never tried. I felt comfortable there. Not to say I ever would have made it- but the point is I never tried. I FINALLY tried out for varsity Pom my senior year again and ended up having a blast that year because of it. Another example- school. I am STUCK in my masters program- can't move on because I have been too scared to take the stupid Paxis test because I could fail. In vitro is that last step- the last step to take before realizing my body might never be able to carry a child. It scares me. A lot. I am NOT going to cower away from it like I have SO many things in my life in fear of that failure though. The possible outcome outweigh's the possible failure is SO many ways! So I am taking that jump- and hoping I fly.

(Just for kicks n giggles- this was from LAST time in Hawaii- I won't be literally skydiving this time around- just taking it easy on the beach trying to take my mind off of what COULD be happening inside my body)
I am praying and hoping I get OUT of my comfort zone. My comfort zone is the last almost 8 years of my life. Being married- JUST the two of us- plus Lexi of course- maybe JUST maybe one day I will have a new "comfort zone" in life.

OH- I am cotemplating acupuncture right now- has anyone done this?? Just curious if this would be worth the money??

A New Beginning

This is the start to what I HOPE and pray is the ending to a hard few years of infertility. Infertility REALLY affects every aspect of your life and it's impossible to understand unless you have dealt with it. This is also something that I don't think will ever leave you. I will always remember what I have gone through- regardless if this works or not. Jonny told me last week that he had paid for In Vitro- The first step oddly enough is birth control- who knew??? haha! I started Zeosa (some form of birth control) 2 days ago. This is the second time I have taken birth control in MY LIFE. Both times I take it for ONE month to GET pregnant- how ironic.:) I am also taking metformin (meant for diabetes even though I don't have it) to help with my insulin levels with my PCOS. Today I dry heaved for about 5 minutes at my desk because that stuff makes me SO SICK! It's crazy what you will do though when you want something so bad! I JUST got off the phone with Jen (the lady at the fertility office who coordinates every girls cycle at the office) what a tough job- and she is sending me out a calendar first thing in the morning with every step I will be taking for the next 6 weeks to get my body where it needs to be. From what I know- I take birth control for about 3 weeks- do injections and other drugs to induce LOTS of eggs, get put under to get the eggs (around Sept 13th) implant the ones that made it in the petri dish on the 16th- then lay on bed rest for a few days to let those babies implant. Right now I am struggeling with all these feeling of anxiety- I am worried about being too selfish to be a good mom- Jonny and I have lived in our own little world for so long. I know this will be a massive adjustment. I am not even thinking about the fact it might NOT work- can't handle those feelings for now. Right now I have to think positive and just hope for the best. I just hope to be a good mom.

Ups and Downs

Things have been so up and down in the "fertility" department. One day I am feeling hopeful and excited- the next on the verge of tears for no apparent reason. Some days my feelings literally change mid day- like today. I was doing good- not thinking about anything- then I get to read my sisters blog and see that she is officially showing. She has that cute baby bumb that I want SOOOO bad and am SO far away from getting. I start to feel jealous, irritated, and sad. Mad at myself for feeling sad and so on. I have a friend on facebook who I SWEAR de-friended me for not going to a stinken baby shower the DAY I found out my sister was pregnant. That felt good. Reminded me that people probably think I'm such a jerk about this stuff- but what they don't know is they don't understand! I didn't even get out of bed that day- let alone feel the need to hear about babies for two hours! It takes strength for me to go to those events on regular days let alone the hard ones.

I got ALL my testing done and it actually came back normal! Super exciting on one hand that things look good- but frustrating on the other that it's not happening for any "explained" reason. People tell you to "Relax"- so I try SOOOO hard to relax. It doesn't work- the feelings just come back and haunt you. So here I am- back at square one- once again.

You Control It

What troubles you is not reality itself. What troubles you is your interpretation of reality.
What frustrates you, motivates you, inspires you and disappoints you are not the facts of the situation but how you choose to view them. And in that fact is enormous power.
You are never at the mercy of random circumstance. On the contrary, you are in control of your whole world because you are in control of the way it all affects you.
Your choice in every moment, of how to see that moment, really matters. Your choice of how to respond to whatever comes your way, really matters.
You have great influence over all that matters to you. You can decide what it means to you, and you also control what you do about it.
You could choose to assume that you're powerless, and your very assumption will make itself true. Or, you can choose to see the real power of your perspective, and use it to create the life of your dreams.
-- Ralph Marston