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Monday, June 20, 2011

Ups and Downs

Things have been so up and down in the "fertility" department. One day I am feeling hopeful and excited- the next on the verge of tears for no apparent reason. Some days my feelings literally change mid day- like today. I was doing good- not thinking about anything- then I get to read my sisters blog and see that she is officially showing. She has that cute baby bumb that I want SOOOO bad and am SO far away from getting. I start to feel jealous, irritated, and sad. Mad at myself for feeling sad and so on. I have a friend on facebook who I SWEAR de-friended me for not going to a stinken baby shower the DAY I found out my sister was pregnant. That felt good. Reminded me that people probably think I'm such a jerk about this stuff- but what they don't know is they don't understand! I didn't even get out of bed that day- let alone feel the need to hear about babies for two hours! It takes strength for me to go to those events on regular days let alone the hard ones.

I got ALL my testing done and it actually came back normal! Super exciting on one hand that things look good- but frustrating on the other that it's not happening for any "explained" reason. People tell you to "Relax"- so I try SOOOO hard to relax. It doesn't work- the feelings just come back and haunt you. So here I am- back at square one- once again.