Holy cow is every person out there right now pregnant? Or maybe a baby is just the only thing on my mind as of late. I'm focusing on it. In terms of my nerves it's never a good thing to focus on one thing that hard. Especially something out of my control.
I prayed to not have any of the jealous feelings come back- but they are. I try to just ignore the problem but the truth is that I can't get pregnant the normal way. it's not happening. I decided to do some research on PCOS being that it's been a few years and maybe just maybe there was some new treatment out there for me. Reading all of the symptoms and what it can cause later on in life just had me fuming. I can't help but get angry that my body doesn't work. I TRY so hard to remember that it could be much worse, and there are so many people out there with worse problems- but it's still hard.
I thought maybe this could be easy this time. My imagination still wishes I could magically take a test with two lines, and find some exciting way to share the news with my husband and then family. I guess the whole- heading back to a Dr.s office where a microscope is put straight on my woman parts is not ideal. My symptoms of PCOS are back in full force right now for some reason...a nice massive large cyst on my left ovary that hurts all the time. What I am realizing is that my body is out of wack right now and needs some attention. As much as I want to rush into the Dr.s office for baby #2 RIGHT NOW, I need to nourish my body and soul to move forward. That and I am still stuck waiting on an insurance situation. While I wait (fingers crossed its soon) I am going to try to workout and eat better (UGH) I know I need to and have been avoiding it. Sorry for the unload of negative feelings. Gotta get them out somewhere.
And on a positive note- Deklan is my bright spot in life no matter what. :) He just turned TWO and is the sweetest boy ever. If ALL else fails I do feel blessed to have this perfect little man around. We just got back from our ten year anniversary trip to Europe and here are some of the photos :)