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Tuesday, August 27, 2013

Happy World Breastfeeding Week :) A little late...

I had read a few amazing blog posts during the ACTUAL world breast feeding week just a bit ago and thought I would share. (This girl  is an amazing photographer and wrote some REALLY good posts about breastfeeding I loved! Go check em out- isn't this shot she took beautiful??!)

©ten22 studio (This one I found floating around facebook but LOVED the realness of the post.

Isn't this image so true?? haha!

 I thought I would share MY feelings on breastfeeding as well. I am a strong supporter of "whatever works best for you, is the right choice." Funny thing is before I had Deklan I NEVER could understand why you would choose NOT to breastfeed your baby. You women who chose to breastfeed are super moms...but SO are the women who pump, or chose to formula feed your baby. Truth is, the most important thing is that both mom and baby are happy.

My VERY first experience with breastfeeding was minutes after D was born. I knew without a doubt that I WANTED to breastfeed with D. He was born 5 weeks early which made things very complicated to say the least. Minutes after D was born one of the nurses placed him on my chest and immediately tried to help my tiny 4 pound son to latch. He actually DID latch but nothing came out. My milk didn't come in. Being that I FORCED my body into labor 5 weeks early to keep him safe, things didn't go according to plan. The nurse said he did amazing for his first time, not to worry, she was going to feed him in the niccu with a bottle, and we will keep trying. At the time I was loopy, tired, excited about my baby boy, and NERVOUS about how tiny he was. At that point I decided to do whatever the nurses told me to make sure he gained some weight. After an hour or so of being cleaned up they let me go see him in the niccu. The nurses sat me down and gave me lots of rules. When to see him, touch him, feed him, who can see him, NOT to talk to him and play with him because he needed to reserve all energy for feeding. So I complied. After the rules I felt like I was being watched like a hawk by these he was THEIR baby and I was a visitor. I was scared to touch him, kiss him, sing to him, or even say a word. It was quiet in there. All you could here was the beeping noises from all the machines. It was uncomfortable. They decided I needed to pump A LOT to get my milk in and then feed him that in a bottle so they could see he was getting enough fluid. He lost weight right away to less than 4 pounds, and wasn't eating at all. He would tire out so fast and never wanted anything to do with it. I cried a lot in the hospital and looked like a zombie. Finally I decided that I was this little boys mom and he NEEDED ME. So I was in there all the time. I spent three hours with him on my chest and THAT DAY he started to eat. He finally after a week was eating enough where he could go home. The day before I went home I asked them to try to help me breastfeed but he wasn't latching properly and it was too hard of work for him at that point. So I kept trying at home.

Each feeding...every three hours I would pump a little but not too much so I wasn't too engorged, attempt a latch, cry from frustration, pump for thirty minutes more, clean the parts, THEN bottle feed my baby. It was AWFUL. And ALL. DAY. LONG. After about 4 months of pumping and attempting breastfeeding, including having a specialist come to my house, I finally quit. I was feeling SO inadequate at this time and depressed that I couldn't even enjoy the sweet new baby I had. Even after I quit I felt guilty. Every time I would get the question if I was breastfeeding it weighed on me. The day I decided to LET GO all that guilt went away. I OWNED the fact that I was formula feeding my baby and it was the best solution for him to gain weight. And it was OKAY to not be breastfeeding. Deklan was healthy, I was healthy, and I felt like a new person. I would LOVE for things to run smoothly for me the next time I get pregnant. But I have NO idea what will happen. I WILL say that women who pump are SUPER moms!!! IT WAS NOT EASY! Women who breast feed their baby's are super moms! And women who formula feed are ALSO super moms! Whatever your choice is, own it, and just enjoy those precious months with your little ones! Happy Breastfeeding week a little late :)

1 comment:

  1. Well said Brittany! I love your post, I didn't know you had to pump for 4 months, it is soo hard! I had to switch to formula feeding at 6 weeks and all the guilt went away for me then. hope we both have better luck next time around, but we can't win it all.