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Saturday, February 22, 2014

An infertile WITH a baby.

Last week my family and I were lucky enough to spend the whole week at Disney world together. Holy crazy toddler though the flights there and back with Deklan were MISERABLE to say the least. Our flight got cancelled which led to a redeye flight. Deklan NOT sleeping on an overnight flight was crazy town. Any tips of flying with toddlers would be helpful at this point. The hard thing is that he flies with us a lot. And EVERY time is a different experience with him. Some better than others obviously. 

On another note while I was on this trip I was getting texts from my baby sister who is also trying to pregnant right now. My dream would be for us to both be pregnant together but unfortunately her and I BOTH are dealing with infertility right now. I've said it before and I'll say it again- dealing with infertility is the hardest trial I have had to deal with in life. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. Honestly. Feeling like your body is failing you hurts A LOT. It makes you feel isolated. Crazy fact I learned though...apparently 2 % of ALL babies now are IN VITRO babies!!! Can you believe it? Is it me or is it more common now that people are struggling? I hate this. On one hand you don't feel so alone and on the other you hate for anyone to feel that same type of hurt you have been through. I feel like a whole new strange catergorie now though. Yes I am still infertile. Yes I WAS truly blessed with my miracle baby but I STILL had to do invitro to get there. And I have been dealing with infertility since. I HATE that my baby sister is having to go through this now. She has been married almost two years...not long. But hasn't really ever been on any birth control. She has been deathly afraid of dealing with this issue and now here she is right at the beginning of it. It brings up so many emotions to think of the beginning of my process. How alone I felt. I didn't have a blog and I had NO IDEA anyone else was dealing with this same issue. I had no one to talk to. And I felt like people thought I was just an angry person...because I was. I'm grateful that I have never ever gone back to feeling that low as I did in the beginning. Deklan has changed my life forever but also THIS community of women has done that as well. I KNOW how to deal with my feelings now. I DO get a twinge of jealousy as others announce their pregnancy- but I can be happy for them as well. My goal in writing is to continue to reach out to others in this hard spot. There IS hope. Unfortunately not every person brings home a baby. Or maybe it's be doing adoption (the most amazing selfless act anyone can do.) You can get through this and be happy though. Before I got pregnant with Deklan or even started in vitro I learned that. I met some amazing friends dealing with the same thing that got me through this. IF you are angry...or sad, or don't know what to do, REACH OUT. It WILL help ease some of the pain. I hate that my baby sister has to go through this but I ams so glad she has someone who has gone through it to at least guide her and let her vent. First thing I told her was to get to know you amazing ladies. So THANK YOU to all of you for being my rock. You have no idea how much each and every one of you have left your mark on me and given me inspiration when I needed it most. I will continue to read your blogs and get uplifted as I go through round here we go. :) P.s I am curious to all you in vitro moms out there how and WHEN you plan on telling your children how they were conceived?? Strange question I know but lately I wonder if Deklan will feel "different" from finding out he was kinda sorta created in a lab...obviously with lots of love as well. Just curious...:)


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