One Year

Feeling full of emotions today.  One year ago today was the day we implanted our ONE embryo. We were full of so much hope (and fear)  all at the same time if that's even possible. Now one year later we have the most amazing special little boy. I had no idea what to expect with in vitro- it was hard work, expensive, emotional, and worth EVERY moment. I would do it all over again times ten for this ONE baby.  He made me a mom. The one thing I wanted in this world more than anything else. The beginning was hard- but as time goes and I get to know him more each day I love him even MORE. I had NO idea it was possible to love someone THIS much. Super mushy I know- but mushy is all I feel towards this little one.

This is a video of our journey. It's long, has some birth footage, and is not completely done. I am planning on shortening the video and posting on face book eventually It will take some time to get it where I want it. For now you can watch the undone video:)  Hope you enjoy it as much as I do. I cry almost every time I watch the birth moments now. I was totally drugged, loopy, and a little confused at the moment, but I do remember every sound and the feel of his teeny tiny body on mine the first time. After that first hour with him they wisked him away to be in the niccu for a week. That was so hard. I couldn't sleep at night so I would visit my baby as much as I could, but I was scared to touch him. I wish so badly I knew then what I know now because I would have done things differently. I was his mom- I SHOULD have been talking and touching him that very first day. IF I ever run into this again I will know what to do better. Little Deklan is a miracle- MY miracle. He brings an amazing spirit to our home. Happy implantation birthday baby boy! :) You have made our family feel complete and full of life!