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Tuesday, September 18, 2012

One Year

Feeling full of emotions today.  One year ago today was the day we implanted our ONE embryo. We were full of so much hope (and fear)  all at the same time if that's even possible. Now one year later we have the most amazing special little boy. I had no idea what to expect with in vitro- it was hard work, expensive, emotional, and worth EVERY moment. I would do it all over again times ten for this ONE baby.  He made me a mom. The one thing I wanted in this world more than anything else. The beginning was hard- but as time goes and I get to know him more each day I love him even MORE. I had NO idea it was possible to love someone THIS much. Super mushy I know- but mushy is all I feel towards this little one.

This is a video of our journey. It's long, has some birth footage, and is not completely done. I am planning on shortening the video and posting on face book eventually It will take some time to get it where I want it. For now you can watch the undone video:)  Hope you enjoy it as much as I do. I cry almost every time I watch the birth moments now. I was totally drugged, loopy, and a little confused at the moment, but I do remember every sound and the feel of his teeny tiny body on mine the first time. After that first hour with him they wisked him away to be in the niccu for a week. That was so hard. I couldn't sleep at night so I would visit my baby as much as I could, but I was scared to touch him. I wish so badly I knew then what I know now because I would have done things differently. I was his mom- I SHOULD have been talking and touching him that very first day. IF I ever run into this again I will know what to do better. Little Deklan is a miracle- MY miracle. He brings an amazing spirit to our home. Happy implantation birthday baby boy! :) You have made our family feel complete and full of life!


  1. Hey! I feel cheated, lol. Your video isn't working for me. I push play, and..... nothing. It just sits there. Hmpf. I bet you anything it's my laptop, and not your fault at all. I'm definitely going to come back in a little while, and try again.
    Anyway, I feel like a Mother's love is the mushiest love of all. I got teary eyed reading your post, because I know how ya feel Mama! Please don't feel bad about how things went in the hospital. I'm pretty sure 90% of women who give birth are loopy & confused by the time they finally get to hold their babies (I know I was). And I know any first time Mom of an NICU baby would have been scared to touch their baby.

    I can't believe it's already been a year since he was implanted. Sometimes it's scary how fast the time goes! I am so happy for you!! Congrats again on your little miracle.
    I want to see some more pictures by the way!! :)

    1. OH NO! I am SO bad with this technical stuff- I uploaded it to you tube so try this link!! Thank you for the sweet comment! It has been SO fun to go through all this WITH you!!!

  2. It's so nice to look back and see what a year has held! What a beautiful video!

  3. I have to admit that I just watched this again...and showed my husband...totally had tears in my eyes lol! It's such a beautiful video =)