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Saturday, October 25, 2014

I can do hard things

Today was hard. This week was actually all really hard. But I am starting to feel better. My mom took me to lunch this morning and after running around a bit I felt a big gush of blood again. I had bleeding a lot but this was pretty bad and made me feel pretty weak. After resting a bit and doing some reading and LOTS of crying I started to feel a lot better. Maybe that's what I needed. A good cry and some positive reading. I finally started to feel a little hope. All of the sudden I remembered that this is just one of the many hard things I will go have to go through in this life and I can handle it. I'm strong and can do hard things. I know I will still have moments of weakness. Seeing pregnant women and babies already stings a little even though I know deep down that doesn't change what I'm going through. My little sister is pregnant too. We were SO excited to have babies only two months a part. I'm realizing that it's going to be a reminder probably that I should have a baby too. Again I am honestly happy for her she deserves this just as much as I do- it still stings. Jonny forced me to tell him what I'm grateful for today to try to see a little light- I was so angry at him for it even though I know I needed to do it- so I wrote about it. It worked. I have so much to grateful for- and most importantly I have a REALLY bright spot in my life. I have my little boy. If ALL I get in this life is him it's all I need. He brings so much light in our home. The day I miscarried he snuggled me while I cried. He patted my back so gently like he knew. It was so sweet and exactly what I needed.  These were from a few weeks ago at my sisters wedding. The week we announced we were pregnant to most our family and friends. We only made it 8 weeks but to me that felt like an eternity. Either way I am grateful for this little mammas boy I have- he will always be my miracle baby. Sorry awful photo of us dancing that night but he is the sweetest :)

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