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Thursday, March 31, 2011

PreVue Pregnancy Belt


THIS is crazy! Can you imagine??? Check this thing out!
Not really sure how to feel about this thing!
"Did you ever wish you had a “reassurance window” during pregnancy to see what was really happening to your baby in the womb? University of New South Wales design student Melody Shlue created a concept to offer just that. Her PreVue Fetal Visualization Device is an e-textile based apparatus that uses 4D ultrasound to provide an X-ray vision of sorts to pregnant women, their partners, and well, any passersby. Women would wear the belt around their pregnant bellies and a screen on the front showcases Baby’s latest fetal tricks whether he’s yawning, sucking his thumb, doing flips or just plain taking a snooze. Read on to learn more about this pregnancy gadget concept."

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Feeling Good!

Infertility has it's ups and downs- today I feel up.:) I was feeling like I REALLY wanted to stick with my same fertility doctor even though is the most expensive- but wasn't sure I felt right about paying so much more! Their office manager just called me and said they will give me $500 off just for sticking with Dr. Larsen so long! Unfortunatley they can't price match the other place- but that's because they are 30 percent more likley to get me pregnant! TOTALLY worth the extra money to go to a Dr. you trust! $500 may not be much- but I see it as a blessing! I did decide to take ONE more class while I am waiting to get the funds together for this! I am praying/hoping this will hapen by August at the latest.:)

Monday, March 28, 2011

Got The Total Cost Today!

Okay $10, 690 for one round of in vitro- (obviously this is NOT including the billion of ultrasounds and visits I do outside of the actual procedure) OR I could go to the cheaper place with not as high of success raed for 2 GRAND LESS!!!! Which one to do??!!!!!!

Friday, March 25, 2011

My Story

My story with fertility begins a loooong time ago. The husband and I got married January 31, 2004- over 7 years ago!!!

The Eggs: I wanted babies RIGHT away. Being a mom/stay at home wifey was all I had ever wanted. I hate to say anything negative about the church, because it has helped me make it though all this… but I thought that was kind of my role in life. Grow up and be a good wife and mom. End of story- easy peasy right? Boy I was wrong!

The Sperm: Jonny wanted to wait 2 years before starting a family- at the time I never understood that. WHY WAIT?? Who could possibly resist a tiny little baby of your own?!!! Obviously this was a decision that TWO people had to agree on- I lost. He wanted us to grow together as a family. Which I have learned now was the best decision we could have made. Regardless of the issues we had- we weren’t ready.

Birth Control: We decided to not use birth control though- I didn’t want to cause any issues for later on- so we used a diaphragm- which is only like 88% effective. My parents were mad at me for this- especially my dad. He REALLY didn’t believe in waiting to start a family. He felt like God will give you a child when you are supposed to have one. To this day I still feel hurt about that. He told me later that this may have happened because I chose to not start a family right away- talk about feeling guilty!

My Body: I NEVER had a period- but never paid much attention to it. I never really thought that would matter though- I figured getting pregnant was easy. I was baby hungry all the time for the next year and a half- taking tests in hopes to see those two pink lines- hoping the diaphragm failed. It didn’t.

The Diagnosis: I started having MAJOR pains on my side randomly. I had no idea what it could be so I went into a primary physician. He ran some tests…then some more, even an ultrasound (which really confused me at the time.) He told me I had cysts all over my ovaries and I probably had one rupture. He told me about Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome, but said there was NO way I had it- I wasn’t “the type” The type meant being overweight, with facial hair, and a masculine body. He kind of laughed it off and sent me home. I didn’t think twice about any of this.
I do remember “the call” though. My mother in law was with me for some reason. My Doctor called me on my cell phone to give me the bad news. He told me the tests showed I did indeed have PCOS and asked if I wanted kids. He said if I ever wanted kids then I should start right away. Tears started streaming down my face, but I kept thinking to myself- this is silly. I know I am fine- this doctor is definitely wrong. I didn’t think much about it-instead I went for a second opinion…and a third. It always started the same- they would look at me and say “Noooo, there is no way that you would have PCOS.” Then the test results came in, again…and again. It started to sink in. Jonny didn’t believe it. I finally convinced him though that we should at least try.

Try #1: We tried the normal way- you know…sex with no types of birth control. I took a pregnancy test after the first month…negative. In my heart though I knew that it would happen- I thought how sad for those who REALLY couldn’t get pregnant. Then a year went by.

TRY #2: Jonny and I finally realized we needed see an OBGYN. He put me on Chlomid. The most hated drug by all men. Women are literally THE DEVIL on this drug. I had ALL the side effect including hot flashes to the MAX, was thirsty ALL the time, MAJOR mood swings- it was like I was going through menopause at the age of 20! I took it with SUCH high hopes! I though for sure it would work- but I kept getting the negative pregnancy tests and the emotional breakdowns that went with them every time.

ANGER: This is when the anger set in. I started HATING anyone who would announce they were pregnant, or even that they wanted to start trying! I started to become OBSESSED with my cycles, timing sex…more like DEMANDING it from days 10-22 of my cycle IN CASE I could be ovulating! I was angry with Jonny, angry with my family, friends, god, pretty much wanted to blame it on anyone else. It consumed me to the point that my husband and I drifted apart. We dreaded ovulation time because it took the fun out of sex completely.

Failure Sets In: Our marriage took a toll during this time. We finally decided to stop trying all together because it wasn’t worth it. It hurt too bad and I needed to figure out how to be happy without a baby first. Slowly I started being happy again. Not worrying about “IF I was pregnant” was amazing therapy. We traveled and played together. I started to feel guilty for being happy. How could I possibly be happy right now? I even got on birth control for the first time (only for three months-to maybe regulate my cycle) and it felt amazing. Things were going really good for me emotionally. Then people at church kept asking when we wanted to have babies, how long we have been married…I could see the judgment in their eyes. There were a few times I would just say it because I was angry- I’m infertile. Just to make them feel bad for asking. Why is it any of their business anyways??!

Try #3: I knew it was time to try again- I was nervous though, remembering what it did to me as a person. I hated myself then. I decided to go the natural route this time. I paid like $500 a month for natural herbs and literally took about 40 pills A DAY!!!!! I drank herbal tea all day and was doing juice fasts- trying to do anything I could to get pregnant. It didn’t work.

Try #4: I went to a new Doctor. A REAL fertility doctor- spent about $1,000 in testing, and the doctor told me to immediately spend $30 grand for in vitro. I was pissed. I thought there HAD to be another way. I went to ANOTHER fertility Doctor who was amazing. Dr. Larsen. He was LDS, REALLY cared about me, and told me all sorts of other things to try first. He gave me hope.

A New Discovery: Test results came back in to show my prolactin levels were low. My Doctor gave me an MRI to check my pituitary gland. He found a tumor. This tumor was the reason for all of the imbalances. So I took drugs to help it- and more drugs for the insulin resistance problems. I started Metformin- OH the dreaded metformin. It makes me sick to this day! I took drugs for just about everything, to start my period, to ovulate, to thicken my lining. I had constant ultrasounds. ALL my hormones were outta wack! After none of that working on it’s own we went to the next big step.

Try #5: We progressed to artificial insemination (three times with NO luck!) Instead I was getting cysts the size of grapefruits and WAY too many eggs. I finally gave up after that.
This is literally the SHORT story of all this. I’m not kidding. There is so much more involved that happened here- Including PAINFUL cysts rupturing causing me pain to the point I couldn’t move. It was ridiculous reading back in my old journal of everything I have really done-it could be a book.

So I will end it with this. We are doing this AGAIN- with my favorite doctor…unfortunately the most expensive fertility doctor in Arizona. This time we are doing in vitro. So it HAS to work- this is it for us. We are in the beginning stages of all this though- more testing, more drugs, shopping around for prices. So stay tuned.:)

Welcome

I am starting this blog as a journal of my experiences with infertility. Eventually when I am strong enough- I would LOVE to help others who are struggling with this as well. Anyone who has dealt with any type of infertility can understand that this is a BIG part of your life-it almost defines who you are. One day when I do FINALLY have that child in my arms- whether I finally carry that child myself, someone does for me, or I adopt- I want them to be able to see how hard I worked for them.:) I want them to know how much they are really wanted. This blog will be used to share my feelings, experiences, tips, and thoughts throughout this process.