Debbie Downer

I’m sorry I have been a little MIA this week. I'm reading your blogs (PROMISE) just haven't commented. I have been OVERLY busy at work, a little stressed about little Declan, and just plain exhausted this week. I must say my trip to Puerto Rico is in LESS THAN ONE week and couldn’t be better on timing. SO NEEDED. Do you guys watch the Bachlorette? I do...they went here a few weeks ago and it got me so excited! (Courtney is CRAZY by the way if you follow:) This is where I will be!!!

I can’t wait to just hang out on the beach and look nice and fat.

I’m sorry for being so dramatic on my last post. No mom wants to hear ANYTHING could be wrong with your baby and I just needed a day to be sad. I think as an infertile we are SO cautious to get excited- and just WAIT for something to go wrong because you can’t accept that something GOOD is finally coming. I felt guilt. That I MUST have done something wrong to hurt him (Not eating enough greens, taking medication for nausea and headaches, ect..) And then I realized I HAD to let go of that.

I read through my old posts the day after I wrote that…you know the ones where I was JUST starting my in vitro process. I was SO excited – couldn’t WAIT to finally (hopefully) get a BFP sign. All the sudden everything I have been worried about over the past week didn’t matter. It literally melted away all those scary feelings. This baby is going to be SO incredibly loved no matter what! It’s actually ridiculous how much attention he will get from his mom and dad- I’m sure of it. He will be spoiled beyond belief and and we can’t wait to meet him! Last night Jonny was SO excited- he would push on my tummy and Declan would punch him back real hard...he is already so smart! Hahaha!

After days of waiting the level 2 ultrasound place FINALLY called. The appointment is set for Tuesday morning RIGHT before I leave on a plane to the Caribbean. I can’t wait to see his little face again. Of course I’m nervous…but excited as well now that I’m feeling a little better. Dang pregnancy hormones mixed with scared mom feelings equals Debbie Downer for a few days. Debbie Downer is out now and I am ready to get back to focusing on the positive. (Things I can control) I ordered the pottery barn crib yesterday so almost ALL his furniture is done and Jonny started painting swatches on the wall. We have LOTS to do in just a mere few months. For now I am going to enjoy my newest craving (chocolate milk) and work on this little lad's room.

I am choosing the darker gray (the one on the right for the bottom) and also the very light aqua blue on the far right for the top! Can't wait!!!

Thank you SO much for all your thoughts and prayers for little Declan by the way! Not sure where I would be without this amazing community of support! Love you all!!!