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Thursday, August 11, 2011

Fear of Falling

I have a fear of falling. Not falling from a high rise building or falling out of a plane- a fear of falling in life. Do you ever fear that fall so much that you decide to never take that jump in life? It could be a new job, starting a new life, or adding another member to your family. I have been so afraid of taking this next step- because there is a chance I can fail. I do this A LOT in life. I am so scared of failing that I don't jump at all. Take 10th grade for instance- I had just finished cheer in 9th grade and chose NOT to try out in 10th grade JUST IN CASE I don't make the squad. That would be SO much more awful to say that I tried and failed than to say I never tried at all. I used that excuse to not try out for the Euporea dance team ALL THREE years in high school. It made me feel better to stick in advanced dance and say I never tried. I felt comfortable there. Not to say I ever would have made it- but the point is I never tried. I FINALLY tried out for varsity Pom my senior year again and ended up having a blast that year because of it. Another example- school. I am STUCK in my masters program- can't move on because I have been too scared to take the stupid Paxis test because I could fail. In vitro is that last step- the last step to take before realizing my body might never be able to carry a child. It scares me. A lot. I am NOT going to cower away from it like I have SO many things in my life in fear of that failure though. The possible outcome outweigh's the possible failure is SO many ways! So I am taking that jump- and hoping I fly.

(Just for kicks n giggles- this was from LAST time in Hawaii- I won't be literally skydiving this time around- just taking it easy on the beach trying to take my mind off of what COULD be happening inside my body)
I am praying and hoping I get OUT of my comfort zone. My comfort zone is the last almost 8 years of my life. Being married- JUST the two of us- plus Lexi of course- maybe JUST maybe one day I will have a new "comfort zone" in life.

OH- I am cotemplating acupuncture right now- has anyone done this?? Just curious if this would be worth the money??

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