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Thursday, September 8, 2011

Ignorant People

I know you infertile friends of mine out there can agree that some people are just a tad bit ignorant. Some of them seriously have the best of intentions, you can usually tell which ones do. So you try not get offended. Others you have to wonder if they mean to literally throw a knife in your back. Today I had one lady come up and say... "ya you look really bloated. You could pass for four months pregnant! And you look a bit crazy- I can tell those drugs are affecting you." Why not add that I look like a 12 year old because the hormones made me brake out as well?? YOU TRY HOLDING 20- 30 growing Eggs in your ovaries!!!!! I usually just brush it off to ignorance. People don't realize what they are saying. It also might be I am overly sensitive and pumped up with hormones...but wouldn't you think people would know to be even MORE careful??! I could rant and rave on this subject forever. Some of my favorite comments thus far:

1. Your Mormon...shouldn't you have like ten kids by now? (Really?)

2. You are SO lucky to not have to get babysitters! PLEASE don't call us lucky!!!

3. At least you get to keep your good figure. (I would take stretch marks in a second for a baby...would you send your baby back to get a flat tummy?? No way...)

4. YOU JUST NEED TO RELAX!!
(This one is my all time favorite. Are you kidding me people?!!! You think I haven't tried going on vacation and pretending I'm not dealing with infertility. YOU TRY IT!)

5. You should just adopt. (Who are you again? Please don't tell someone what they should do. I have obviously thought long and hard about what to do- and may actually adopt down the line- really though???No one's business)

6. There is probably a reason for it. (What does this even mean?)

7. Your still so young honey. Don't stress so much. (AHHHHH! Makes me want to pull my hair out!)

8. My friend adopted and then ended up getting pregnant two months later! My friend had the same problem as you! (Your friend IS NOT me!)

9. Have you tried standing on your head? (What do you think?)

10. I wish I had that problem. I get pregnant when my husband looks at me (Good for you- do you want a cookie?)

11. I think people who do in vitro are selfish. There are so many kids out in the world that need a good home. ( No explanation needed)

This the end to my hormonal ranting and raving- I'm sorry if I have offended any of you who actually say these things. Most of the time we know there is nothing you CAN say to someone dealing with such a big thing. Now you are educated on what NOT to say.

As far as what to say- all we need is acknowledgment that this is hard and that we have support from them. That's all.

Now onto good news. :)

Update on the EGGS: A few days ago my estrogen skyrocketed to 1,106 (supposed to be at 600) so my Doc had me cut one of my drugs in half...again) Today I found out my estrogen is now at 2,376.5!!!!! HOLY COW! It will probably double every day at this point he said. It's high- but he said it's because I have more eggs than normal. He wants me to cut out one of medications all together so I don't keep over producing- that would just add to the pain in my ovaries. No thank you. This morning I blew up and really do look 4 months pregnant- which is awesome because I am going to Sun-splash tomorrow to spend the day in a swimsuit with random people probably wondering if I'm pregnant or just fat- Nope just fat. However with my hormones where they are at ONLY I can say I look fat. This by far has been the hardest part of this whole process. However- babies are lookin good! 20- 30 follicles with many that are maturing as you can see in this picture below I stole of my ultra sound:




These are JUST the big ones he counted! They should grow 2.0 ml every day now which means I am now on track to have them pulled out and fertilized on Tuesday!!!! YAY!!!! For now I am seriously SO uncomfortable and not looking forward to have to poke myself THREE times every night now instead of just one big shot. 3 more LONG days. :) I just keep telling myself: I can do this I can do this I can do this!!!! :) Sunday I will go in for a check up on my follicles ONE more time- then the big day of retrieval comes. Let's hope those embryo's keep healthy!!

9 comments:

  1. Whew! Glad I don't say any of those things! But I am glad you are educating people on what not to say. I always appreciate people who do that, no matter the scenario. I have a friend who just lost her husband in diving accident in Hawaii- and I'm scared to say the wrong thing. Anyway, wow on your estrogen! 3 more days! YES~! you can do it! All those follicles...that's just so exciting. Yay. We might see you at Sunsplash tomorrow.

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  2. This sounds so awesome!! yeah! I love the things you wrote of things NOT to say to someone dealing with infertility. Someone last nigh asked if we were pregnant and I said nope, we are doing treatments now. They were so shocked they didn't say anything after that. kind of weird but better then those things again! Best of luck this weekend!!!! praying for you

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  3. Um. This might be might favorite post yet. read it out loud. and laughed hard. I sure love you! I am so glad you are doing this and I am so proud of all of your little potential babies growing in your painfully stretching ovaries! It will be worth it in the end. Hang in there!

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  4. So, people still say things like that even when you are pregnant! Pregnancy attracts weirdos, I'm telling you. When I was about 6 months pregnant, Mike and I were at Lowes and this lady working there (who was about 400 pounds) said, "WOW are you having twins?" I said no, only one and she proceeded to say "that is going to be one HUGE baby and you are going to have TONS of HUGE stretch marks." And then towards the end, I got asked weekly if I was having twins, what the heck! So just beware, it doesnt end....

    But on another note, I have a gut feeling you will have twins.. I'm so excited for you guys!!

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  5. I have heard a lot of those same things... I totally understand your frustration.

    Nicole

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  6. I love reading your posts Brittany!! I love this post especially. I am usually at a loss when it comes to words of comfort during hard times. Usually because I fumble over what I am trying to say, SO I have learned to just give hugs. *hug* And I have to agree with Breanna. It doesn't end. I was 9 months pregnant, and someone bumped into my tummy, and didn't even say sorry excuse me. I yelled, "do I need to put a red flag on this thing so you will see it! " my favorite is, you look like you are going to pop! when are you due, any day now right? no, actually I have 3 months left, thank you for reminding me. Lol, stupid people make life interesting right?? jk

    Hope you get feeling better quickly, and can't wait for the update :)

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  7. Hello! You don't know me and I don't know you, but I came across your blog from My Spoiled Eggs. I was reading this post and all the comments that ignorant people say. They made me laugh because they are so true! I've been married for about 5 1/2 years and have been dealing with infertility all those years. It really isn't fun, so I know how you feel. Anyway, just thought I'd stop by and say hi! :)

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  8. As someone who doesn't deal with this, I really appreciate your post! I always worry I will say the wrong thing, even if I have good intentions. But now I know that I don't really have to say anything at all. I can just act normal. What a thought, huh? :) Thanks for sharing!

    Shadow

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  9. Comment on Ignorance - Well said, you nailed it!!1

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