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Thursday, September 29, 2011

Disbelief

My last post might have sounded like I'm not that excited. Swear I am- just in complete disbelief. It's a weird feeling- I have pictured this moment in my head for SO long- 7 year ALMOST!!! Instead of total excitement I am feeling a lot of fear- not sure if that's totally normal and maybe everyone feels that for a while- not really about being a mom- just to make sure I keep this baby and am doing everything I am supposed to. I haven't connected at all yet- in fact I almost can't say it out loud. "I'm pregnant." I think infertility lasts forever. Those painful feelings haunt you and follow you for a long time. I tried ya know "the natural way" tried MONTHS of chlomed. 4 IUI's, several different doctors, and got a negative pregnancy test every time. PLEASE don't take this as me being ungrateful- more that I am interested in YOUR experiences??Did you feel this way- did you have cramps- because I sure do- I keep "checking" to see if I started my period- because I MUST have. In 2 weeks when we get to hear the heartbeat I'm sure it will be different. Hopefully that REAL excitement of HOLY CRAP a baby is coming in nine months will hit me. For now I am in total disbelief. I was grateful to hear that my blood work came back again perfect! I got my blood taken on Friday morning to check my beta number. Doc said it should be around 150- 200 and it was 330!! YAY! So my body is doing what it's supposed to I think! :) I am naturally just trying to protect myself from possibly getting hurt.

8 comments:

  1. Hi there,
    I've been reading your blog since Infertility Spoiled Eggs put it on her side bar. I also have PCOS, and I just found out that I am pregnant. If your pregnancy tracker at the bottom of your page is correct, then our pregnancies are only 3 days apart! It is encouraging to see someone with the same struggles and feelings-it reminds that I'm not alone!

    I am feeling all of the same symptoms you described in your post! Keep updating on your progress. Congratulations!

    Britt

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  2. Those feelings are totally normal even for mothers who don't have to go through invitro. The best advice is to get a blessing. This always helps me to calm my nerves. I can only imagine how much more anxious you much being having worked so hard for this moment!

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  3. Thanks for the comment on my blog a while back, and thanks for adding me to your Infertility Buddy list. :) I'm happy that things are looking better for you! It's been about 5 1/2 years since my husband and I have been married, and we're thinking that we'll most likely be going down the adoption route since nothing else seems to be working. Good luck with everything!

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  4. CONGRATULATIONS!!! I found your personal blog somehow last week and then saw this blog, and I was so excited to read about your two pink lines! And yes, I think all of your feelings are completely normal. I only went through infertility for about six months and I had some similar feelings when I found out I was pregnant for the first time. I remember telling a friend that I couldn't wait to get out the first trimester so I could stop worrying! She told me something I still remember to this day that from the moment you get pregnant with a child, you never stop worrying. :) Which is kinda true, now that my babies are 4 and 2 I am constantly worried about their health, their safety, etc. But that's the beauty of motherhood I guess. (And don't worry, you will start to breathe much easier as time goes on and you hit each milestone, of course.) :) And you are going to be such a wonderful mother!!

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  5. I was the same way. The first trimester is always the scariest. I was just like you, always "checking" and I was always afraid to go the bathroom thinking I might see blood. I had cramping too and its completely normal. They're considered Braxton Hicks, even this early on. Its just your uterus stretching and trying to make room for baby! Try drinking more water, that helped me when I would start to cramp. And to be honest with you, we heard the heart beat at 6 weeks and I still worried. Its just natural. The moment I had a slight sigh of relief is when you can finally feel the baby move. Feeling them move just reassures you that everything is okay and that they are happy and healthy! You and baby will do great, I know it!

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  6. thought I posted a comment but maybe I didn't :) I took so many tests with Mc! I am just so happy for you and so excited for the next installment on the blog!! :)

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  7. YAY!!! I am so excited for you!!! And, yes, your feelings are completely normal. I didn't journal anything for several months because I just knew it wasn't going to work out. I checked EVERY time I peed for 9 months for blood. And yes, I cramped too. It scared the crap out of me. And I am going to be 100% honest with you... I refused to get attached to the baby growing inside me until she came out of me healthy and alive. I couldn't bare to become attached if it didn't work out. I feel as if IF jipped me of enjoying pregnancy. I HATED every moment of being pregnant and I now know it was because I was a nervous wreck! Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed her kicks, hearing her heartbeat...etc, but it was not as exciting as it should be and I blame it on dealing with IF for so long. It was actually quite depressing and I am so sad now that I didn't enjoy it more. I may never get to be pregnant again and I really wish I had enjoyed it more. So do not feel bad if you find yourself very detached from the whole thing. But do your best to be positive and keep up this blog/journal... etc of how you feel, weight gain, cravings, dislikes... and so on. You will regret it if you don't.

    You are in my prayers! AWWWW I am SOOOO excited for you!!

    -LeDawn Pace
    randumfancy.blogspot.com

    (for some reason I can not comment on blogs that have the drop down menu choice for "profiles"... :/)

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  8. I share all your feelings! I have never hard to go through anything that you have but even now being 6 pregnant with my third I am a little nervous about getting attached. So I think that it is a very normal thing to feel for all expecting mothers.

    Again congrats! Heavenly Father has given you such an amazing blessing and calling to be a mother!

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