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Thursday, September 29, 2011

Disbelief

My last post might have sounded like I'm not that excited. Swear I am- just in complete disbelief. It's a weird feeling- I have pictured this moment in my head for SO long- 7 year ALMOST!!! Instead of total excitement I am feeling a lot of fear- not sure if that's totally normal and maybe everyone feels that for a while- not really about being a mom- just to make sure I keep this baby and am doing everything I am supposed to. I haven't connected at all yet- in fact I almost can't say it out loud. "I'm pregnant." I think infertility lasts forever. Those painful feelings haunt you and follow you for a long time. I tried ya know "the natural way" tried MONTHS of chlomed. 4 IUI's, several different doctors, and got a negative pregnancy test every time. PLEASE don't take this as me being ungrateful- more that I am interested in YOUR experiences??Did you feel this way- did you have cramps- because I sure do- I keep "checking" to see if I started my period- because I MUST have. In 2 weeks when we get to hear the heartbeat I'm sure it will be different. Hopefully that REAL excitement of HOLY CRAP a baby is coming in nine months will hit me. For now I am in total disbelief. I was grateful to hear that my blood work came back again perfect! I got my blood taken on Friday morning to check my beta number. Doc said it should be around 150- 200 and it was 330!! YAY! So my body is doing what it's supposed to I think! :) I am naturally just trying to protect myself from possibly getting hurt.

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Two Pink Lines

Hawaii was amazing- I was an anxious mess though and bought two pregnancy tests there that haunted me for days. Literally. Every morning I would wake up and stare at the tests and then think- NO Britt it's too early- you can wait this out. I read WAY to many online forums and was freakin myself out about everything.

I got a call Monday morning 5 am from the Doctors office (they forgot Hawaii is three hours earlier then Az- oops!!) and said well you can take a home pregnancy test if you want but if it's negative it could be wrong and be a little depressing...but if it's a positive then it's pretty much accurate- so I thought okay what the heck!!! I'll take it. If it's negative it's what I'm used to so I can handle it. I put a towel over the test and told Jonny to read it for me. He started laughing and said um babe there are TWO pink lines!! I literally was in shock for the next two days- took another one the next morning- still positive. My boobs freakin ached, I was needing afternoon naps in freakin Hawaii, and was peeing like every five minutes- STILL didn't believe it. I only told my sister Sara because I was in shock. This morning after a long red eye flight we went straight to the doctors who took out blood work- They called me around 2:00 ish- Definitley pregnant!!! :) Said my beta is a really high good number of 171 (he was looking for around 100 today he said)!!!! So to make a really long story short. I'm pregnant- and STILL don't believe it! I am only 4 weeks along so I DO know that this is just another hurdle- to get through the first trimester..but still SUPER excited!!!!! :)So here they are- the most BEAUTIFUL pink lines I have ever seen! :)Hawaii was not a bad place to find out. :) Now let's just pray this baby STICKS!!


Wednesday, September 21, 2011

My Little Fighter Embryo

I haven't posted these because I have been doing lots of this lately:

Thought I would post pictures of the morning of the transfer finally. Here we are in our get up- when you're doing an embryo transfer you literally can't wear makeup, perfumes, smelly hair products- nada- so we showered that morning (no lotions and potions) and headed over in comfy clothes. I took a Valium- an hour before to relax my uterus- it relaxed me enough to sleep the rest of the day though...guess I'm a lightweight. Here we are before the transfer.
When we got there the doctor came in and gave us a speech as promised on how many embryo's we SHOULD transfer. I sat in the room for 15 minutes and cried trying to decide. The embryologist gave me a picture of my embryos and said- this is your embryo- you want room for it to grow and be healthy. So that's what I did. I froze 7 other good embryo's. Dr. said it was enough for another 3 rounds of invitro (doing 2 each time) He said at his office 96% plus of the them survive after being defrosted (haha sounds so funny I froze my babies for later) Luckily those next few times I decide to do in vitro I don't have to go through stimulating more eggs (that was awful)
So here is the picture they gave us of the baby- crazy how that mass is the baby already forming- this was BEFORE it got implanted! The science is amazing to me! The Doctor puts this directly into my uterus- baby's job is then to hatch from it's outer layer and burry into the lining.

Jonny was in the room the whole time holding my hand- It was such a cool process to watch- we got to see on a big screen next to us where the doctor put the baby- so strange-
After the procedure I got lay on this table (sort of upside down) for a half hour. One of the hardest parts- having to pee like a race horse the whole time. I had to have a full bladder before the procedure- seriously thought I was going to pee my pants. Don't worry I didn't.



Here is the end result:

It takes nine days to find out if the embryo attached- the nine days after the transfer look like this:


5-Day Transfer

Days Past
Transfer (DPT)
Embryo Development
OneThe blastocyst begins to hatch out of its shell
TwoThe blastocyst continues to hatch out of its shell and begins to attach itself to the uterus
ThreeThe blastocyst attaches deeper into the uterine lining, beginning implantation
FourImplantation continues
FiveImplantation is complete, cells that will eventually become the placenta and fetus have begun to develop
SixHuman chorionic gonadotropin (hCG) starts to enter the blood stream
SevenFetal development continues and hCG continues to be secreted
EightFetal development continues and hCG continues to be secreted
NineLevels of hCG are now high enough to detect a pregnancy

This morning I got blood work done to check my hormone levels- I continue the progesterone shots in the butt (which is bruised) and wear estrogen patches- this continues till I am 12 weeks pregnant or start a period- so now I pray no period starts- I am hoping this embryo's a fighter! To keep my mind off that I leave for Hawaii bright and early tomorrow morning! :)

Sunday, September 18, 2011

One Embryo Transfer...CHECK! :)

I am so so sorry for all those I haven't responded to on facebook and through texts. I am not ignoring you I promise! I have gotten an overwhelming amount of love from good friends and family THANK YOU ALL!!! Your support has gotten me through all this. :) I have been sleeping ALL DAY and the husband hasn't let me left a finger. literally- finally convincing him the labtop wasn't too heavy for me I thought I would give you guys a quick update.

Today went amazing. Jonny's parents came over last night and I got a priesthood blessing - This meant SO MUCH to me because not having my dad here through all of this has been hard. Jonny's dad literally see's me as his daughter and I love him so much for that. He sat and rubbed my feet and hugged me and let me cry to him about my worries. I guess I was craving my dad. I was feeling so confused at how many embryo's to transfer back with how my ovaries have been over stimulated. After the blessing I felt an overwhelming amount of peace that everything is going to be okay. :)

I hadn't slept ALL week and last night after the blessing I slept ALL night no problem. All my anxieties literally just went away. Sunday morning we got in and got to see a picture of our little embryo. After A LOT of discussion, prayers, and tears we decided to only put in one. We want ONE healthy fat chunky baby who gets to go home from the hospital the day I do. I felt in my heart I couldn't handle the trial of sick babies. The doctor said he would be scratching his head if this didn't work- so we were basically choosing- do we want one baby...or TWINS. I think the next time we do this with frozen embryo's we will do two- for now we pray that our one perfect embryo will stick!! When they showed me the picture I looked at it and thought how much more nutrients and room he/she would have with just the one. There is still a SMALL chance (maybe 3%)it could split to two. I figured if god wanted us to have two it will happen naturally. I will post babies first picture tomorrow. I am REALLY really happy today- I have a lot of hope for this little one. :) So now I sit and wait on bed rest. The blastocyst should hatch from it's shell today and implant in the next two days. Tomorrow I have to decide how many of my other embryo's to freeze. A few days after that I get my blood drawn to check my progesterone levels- then HAWAII for a week. The day I get back from Hawaii I get my blood drawn for the pregnancy test- NINE days away!!!!! I am SO excited to finally be here in this moment and can't wait to find out the results. :) Hawaii will be a good distraction.

P.S THANK YOU to those is my ward who decided to bring us dinner the next few days- that has been a HUGE help! :)

Friday, September 16, 2011

Good/ Bad News

Let's start with the awesome news that has kept me going today. :)

A. I get to go see my best friend get married tomorrow!!!!! :) I am so happy for her finding true happiness- and I think she will make a pretty SEXY bride- just sayin. :)

B. My babies are FANTASTIC!!! ONE more little follicle decided to miraculously fertilize a few days later (what a trooper!) the other 17 already fertilized eggs have now grown into 8- 12 celled embryos!! YAY! They also graded each of them today. Embryos are graded based on a lot of different things- Grade 1 being the absolute best. Grade 2 and 3 are also pretty dang good. I had 8 grade ONE embryos, 7 Grade 2 embryo's, and 3 grade 3's. The embryologist told us we will be coming in Sunday morning bright and early- 8:30 am to do a transfer! She said they can change A LOT in the next 2 days and will be 70-80 cells. She said mine will be "beautiful blastocysts by then and very likely to implant! :) She said she was MORE than happy with our results and we should have a good amount to freeze for later.


They will look something like this:



My tummy on the other hand was not doing better. I can't sleep AT ALL (tried LOTS of Tylenol PM and NOT working! )can't walk around much, tummy is MASSIVE and hurting, can't lay on my sides, and back pain...awesome. I didn't want to be a baby (because I am totally aware that I am a SERIOUS wimp! I blame my mom for that one) so I held off on calling the Dr about how bad it was. Last night after hours of tears and frustration Jonny said he was taking me in the morning to see the Doc. I found out I have OHSS Ovarian Hyper stimulation Syndrome. It happens usually in younger IVF patients who produce a lot of eggs. Basically ALL those 29 spots in my ovaries where eggs WERE filled up with fluid and doubled in size (causing my ovaries to be DOUBLE the normal size) In bad cases it can twist your ovaries and cause surgery where they have to be removed. Unfortunately there is no drug or secret way to get rid of it. If I wasn't trying to get pregnant it would just away in a few weeks when I start my cycle again- if you get pregnant it takes A LOT longer to go away. Doc gave me pain meds and told me to sleep, come in Sunday morning and he will check them again. IF my ovaries are the same size as they were today he will still do the transfer- if they get any bigger he is cancelling this cycle and freezing my eggs for a later date. So for now- I wait...again. Chances are at this point the decision of one egg or two will be taken away from me. Even if we do the transfer, Dr. Larsen says two would not be safe for my health or the babies with OHSS. A little sad today- feeling exhausted of the constant stream of trials. Trying to be as positive as I can through this and get lots of sleep.

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Decisions Decisions

This whole time I hadn't thought twice about how many embryos we should be transferring. I knew it would be 2. Two gives a better chance of getting pregnant right? Not exactly. I guess it's not that simple. It all depends on the "grade" of the embryo's which is why the doctor will usually never tell you till the day of the transfer what he would suggest to do. In case you don't know- ONE embryo can split to TWO babies- meaning TWINS. Not bad- I could handle two- I mean I would love to catch up for all this time I've lost- and who knows how my fertility will be in the future. HOWEVER putting TWO embryo's back can split to THREE or even FOUR babies. Let's be real- four babies would be unmanageable...and dangerous- even triplets is really dangerous on the babies and the mom. They usually deliver at like 30 weeks. The doctor will call me Friday morning with more information on the "grade" of the embryo's as well as the time he wants to do the transfer (Friday or Sunday) He ALSO told me today that with how things have gone thus far our success rates are high and we will be having a serious conversation before the transfer about putting back one instead of two. He see's multiples as a big risk (for their health and mine) My end goal in all this: A HEALTHY baby! So I don't want to risk the life of one baby for a chance at another...I am reading and finding all sorts of horror stories (never good to over research online) and am at a loss. The husband says we should go for two- My Doctor says one...I have NO idea anymore. YIKES. I think being off work this week I have had too much time to think about these things. Hence so much posting. Now I am off to get ALL my laundry done, organize, pack for Hawaii (in case the transfer is Friday) So- how many...one embryo...or TWO? Who know how this could turn out- I could literally get one, two, three, four, or NO baby- so many scenarios here to consider...How do you make that decision?!!!

I found this blog on these adorable quads- but they are still struggling in their health- it would be SO hard! They are dang cute though aren't they?

I have LOTS of praying to do!

Stats :)

Total of 29 Follicles

21 were mature

6 were at an intermediate (a decent size)

2 were immature

Injected 27 with icsi (They literally inject ONE single sperm into each of the eggs- all but 2 because they were too little. They were thrown out.)


Out of 27, 17 fertilized normally

1 showed an intermediate fertilization (mean it COULD fertilize today) They are still watching it

6 showed no evidence of fertilization (still watching these ones JUST in case)

2 fertilized abnormally (These two were thrown out)

1 didn’t survive the process

When I got the phone call this morning at 8:30 am- (I was literally just WAITING for this call) I couldn't contain my excitement. The embryologist said- "Do you have a minute." UM YES! She told me all the stats when I was out walking my dog this morning and I literally ran upstairs and said, "Wait can you repeat all that AGAIN to my husband." haha! The lady probably loves her job- getting to deliver the good news to these psychotic "moms to be" I woke up this morning and FIRST thing I did was think about those embryo's...I can't imagine how it will feel actually HAVING a child of my own. (hopefully) I will be a pretty protective mom I'm sure- not meaning to be- just by nature. I woke up this morning with my stomach probably DOUBLE what it was the day before (not even joking) So I called in a little concerned. Dr. told me it's normal- the spots where all those eggs were have now filled up over night with fluid. Still REALLY achy- They will call me Friday to let me know how the embryo's are- there is a possibility of doing the transfer either Friday or Sunday at this point. Just depends on their growth. So now I just pray for them from a far.

This is what they should look like now- a one celled fertilized Egg

This is what I WANT them to look like the day of the transfer-a healthy 8 cell embryo (I get REAL pictures of them then! )


So weird how fast all this happens! By the time I get implanted I will be "3 weeks pregnant" I should find out nine days after implantation- luckily I will be in Hawaii to keep my mind off things. I have two friends just a few weeks behind me- PRAYING for you ladies! )

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Sending Prayers/ Good Vibes/ and Chicken Dances My Way

Babies are out. All 29 of them. :) Couldn't believe there were that many eggs in there! Getting excited! We arrived in Scottsdale at 7 am- Jonny took a before picture of my "bloated" belly- Although I think it still looks this bloated without the eggs- dang swelling ovaries!



Here is Jonny anxiously awaiting to do "his part" haha! poor guy- I swear the lady looked at us like we were crazy that we didn't want any "extra materials" to help him out. Really though? My babies are not gonna be starting from THAT stuff!


Here I am in all my glory- dressed up from head to toe to get put under.

And the awesome IV that gave me amazing drugs so I could sleep the whole time.
And post procedure- a very UN attractive picture of me all drugged up and NO more eggs! :) On the way home I was in A LOT of pain on my left side (felt like when I had a cyst burst) So I took MORE drugs and slept the entire day. No joke- The Mr. wouldn't let me do a thing- said my "uterus needs to get ready for implantation." It's so sexy to hear your husband speak fertility code- haha! He bought me a jamba juice and an Einstein bagel and I was happy as a clam after that. I can already feel my hormones calming down today. I am not lyng about that- had some major crying episodes the past few days over really silly stuff- and just looked pure evil. You could see my anger on the outside- haha whew! Glad that's going away! NO MORE tummy injections!
Tonight I started the first "intermuscular"(into the butt!) injections much more painful than the ones going into your fat- Luckily I had lots of padding for the belly ones- the ones into your muscle just hurt! I take these until I get a positive pregnancy test and than take vaginal suppositories instead. Awesome huh? So now I take oral medications that make it so my uterus accepts the embryo's, wear patches for estrogen, and take progesterone shots! SHEESH! Feels never ending! And check out that sucker??

If you are dealing with in vitro or have done in the past YOU know- it is like a full time job keeping up with all this stuff- and consumes every thought of your mind! Starting tomorrow I get daily calls telling me how the babies are doing- how many fertilized, which ones are growing properly and such! SO- Please send all prayers, good vibes & chicken dance my way. :) I could use it all!!! At least those embryo's can! 4-5 days till they will be planted BACK into my tummy to start growing where they belong! :) GROW BABIES GROW!!!!

Monday, September 12, 2011

About 20 more hours

At least my meds look pretty right? They even have cute little hearts on them! Don't let them fool you though- I was supposed to be at work today for my last day- instead I spent half my day throwing up LARGE amounts of my breakfast shake the Mr. made me. I took my trigger shot last night at 8:45 exactly. They are very precise on the time- has the be exactly 35 hours before the retrieval. My ovaries were looking over stimulated on Sunday mornings appt- eggs are getting big- so I got prescribed Dostinex to stop the over stimulation part. I am supposed to be on that 8 days- but there is NO WAY. I called in and told them forget it- NOT taking that stuff ever again. They were okay with that thank goodness. I just took a sleeping pill and it's 2:00 in the afternoon. I am hoping to just sleep the rest of today away with awful this morning was. I'm sorry if I haven't responded to texts and calls- just SO HAPPY tomorrow those babies will begin growing!
Here are the updated stats- I go in at 7 am to Scottsdale tomorrow morning to get put under anesthesia and have all my eggs retrieved. Tomorrow is the big "fertilization" moment I have never had. This is all a first for me and couldn't be more excited! Jonny does his thing tomorrow- I do mine- and than somehow lots of babies are created in a medical lab. I get updates daily on my babies- hoping they are healthy and ready for implantation this Saturday or Sunday! Let's hope for Sunday so I can still make it to my best friends wedding Saturday- that would make all of this perfect. :)

Thursday, September 8, 2011

Ignorant People

I know you infertile friends of mine out there can agree that some people are just a tad bit ignorant. Some of them seriously have the best of intentions, you can usually tell which ones do. So you try not get offended. Others you have to wonder if they mean to literally throw a knife in your back. Today I had one lady come up and say... "ya you look really bloated. You could pass for four months pregnant! And you look a bit crazy- I can tell those drugs are affecting you." Why not add that I look like a 12 year old because the hormones made me brake out as well?? YOU TRY HOLDING 20- 30 growing Eggs in your ovaries!!!!! I usually just brush it off to ignorance. People don't realize what they are saying. It also might be I am overly sensitive and pumped up with hormones...but wouldn't you think people would know to be even MORE careful??! I could rant and rave on this subject forever. Some of my favorite comments thus far:

1. Your Mormon...shouldn't you have like ten kids by now? (Really?)

2. You are SO lucky to not have to get babysitters! PLEASE don't call us lucky!!!

3. At least you get to keep your good figure. (I would take stretch marks in a second for a baby...would you send your baby back to get a flat tummy?? No way...)

4. YOU JUST NEED TO RELAX!!
(This one is my all time favorite. Are you kidding me people?!!! You think I haven't tried going on vacation and pretending I'm not dealing with infertility. YOU TRY IT!)

5. You should just adopt. (Who are you again? Please don't tell someone what they should do. I have obviously thought long and hard about what to do- and may actually adopt down the line- really though???No one's business)

6. There is probably a reason for it. (What does this even mean?)

7. Your still so young honey. Don't stress so much. (AHHHHH! Makes me want to pull my hair out!)

8. My friend adopted and then ended up getting pregnant two months later! My friend had the same problem as you! (Your friend IS NOT me!)

9. Have you tried standing on your head? (What do you think?)

10. I wish I had that problem. I get pregnant when my husband looks at me (Good for you- do you want a cookie?)

11. I think people who do in vitro are selfish. There are so many kids out in the world that need a good home. ( No explanation needed)

This the end to my hormonal ranting and raving- I'm sorry if I have offended any of you who actually say these things. Most of the time we know there is nothing you CAN say to someone dealing with such a big thing. Now you are educated on what NOT to say.

As far as what to say- all we need is acknowledgment that this is hard and that we have support from them. That's all.

Now onto good news. :)

Update on the EGGS: A few days ago my estrogen skyrocketed to 1,106 (supposed to be at 600) so my Doc had me cut one of my drugs in half...again) Today I found out my estrogen is now at 2,376.5!!!!! HOLY COW! It will probably double every day at this point he said. It's high- but he said it's because I have more eggs than normal. He wants me to cut out one of medications all together so I don't keep over producing- that would just add to the pain in my ovaries. No thank you. This morning I blew up and really do look 4 months pregnant- which is awesome because I am going to Sun-splash tomorrow to spend the day in a swimsuit with random people probably wondering if I'm pregnant or just fat- Nope just fat. However with my hormones where they are at ONLY I can say I look fat. This by far has been the hardest part of this whole process. However- babies are lookin good! 20- 30 follicles with many that are maturing as you can see in this picture below I stole of my ultra sound:




These are JUST the big ones he counted! They should grow 2.0 ml every day now which means I am now on track to have them pulled out and fertilized on Tuesday!!!! YAY!!!! For now I am seriously SO uncomfortable and not looking forward to have to poke myself THREE times every night now instead of just one big shot. 3 more LONG days. :) I just keep telling myself: I can do this I can do this I can do this!!!! :) Sunday I will go in for a check up on my follicles ONE more time- then the big day of retrieval comes. Let's hope those embryo's keep healthy!!

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

They are Dancing Around in There

Quick Update: Last night I got a call from my Dr.'s office to lower the dosage of the drugs I was taking- apparently my body over reacted a bit and my estridol (estrogen) levels were at a 600 when they need to be at a 300. Oops. This morning I went in for more blood work and another ultra sound. Results were awesome! Doc didn't even count all my follicles because I had so many- he said at least 25 good follicles!!! YAY!!!! I am starting to actually "feel" my ovaries- kind of a strange sensation. They feel heavy and ache a bit. I am starting to look pretty bloated- I will take the fatness for a baby though so no complaints here! The bruising on my stomach sorta sucks- I didn't really notice at first but now I am putting shots INTO the bruises and can feel them for sure (OUCH!) I am now going into the Dr.'s every 1-2 days. My next appt is Friday morning- then Sunday Morning for more ultrasounds to check on the "maturity" of each follicle. As of right now there is a good chance I will be getting my egg retrieval early! At the latest my egg retrieval will be in ONE WEEK! I am getting pretty excited- one week till my little embryo's will start growing in a dish. An added bonus: 4 more work days left!!!!!!!! Not bad. :) Things are going according to plan.

Until then...I will continue to obsess on pinterest. Is this not the cutest baby jacket ever!!?!



Um and are these not the chunkiest cheeks in the world?!



Love it. Happy Wednesday. :)

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

For those of You looking to do In vitro...

Course this all comes AFTER I pay like 15 grand for in vitro and testing- oh well...maybe it will help someone else.. :) I'm not sure how this works exactly- but thought I would pass the word around just in case!


Senate Bill 965
Family Act of 2011 (S. 965)


The financial burden of fertility treatment can be one of the most stressful parts of the entire fertility process. With more than 3,000,000 people suffering from infertility, out-of-pocket expenses for treatment affect a large majority of Americans. Across the United States only eight states require comprehensive infertility coverage and among those States most employer-provided plans are exempt. According to the 2005 National Survey of Employer-Sponsored Health Plans by Mercer IVF was only covered by 19 % of large employer-sponsored health plans and only 11 % of small employer-sponsored plans.

A new Senate Bill introduced by Senator Kirsten Gillibrand (D-NY) and co-sponsored by Senator Daniel Inouye (D-HI) proposes to include out-of-pocket expenses for in-vitro fertilization as a tax exemption. The bill would allow for “50% of the qualified infertility treatment expenses paid or incurred during the taxable year” up to $13,360 per individual. If approved the bill will go into effect January 1, 2012.

The bill was designed around the current legislation that is in effect for costs associated with the adoption process. Since this bill is currently before the Senate for approval it is very important to contact your two senators advocating for the passage of this bill. This bill is currently endorsed by the American Society of Reproductive Medicine and many other fertility organizations. In 2009 a similar bill called the Family Building Act of 2009 (H.R. 697) sponsored by Representative Anthony Weiner (D-NY) was introduced but did not gain enough support to be passed into law.

Hopefully, with all of the buzz of health care reform the 112th Congress will be more supportive of this bill that will positively impact millions of Americans undergoing the huge financial burden of infertility treatment.

For more information about Senate Bill 965 click on the following link to follow it’s progress until it hopefully becomes a law.

http://www.opencongress.org/bill/112-s965/show


Positive Affirmations/ Visualization

  • Every Cell in my body vibrates with energy and health
  • Loving myself heals my life. I nourish my mind, body and soul
  • My body heals quickly and easily
  • I am at peace
  • I trust in the process of life
  • Life is a joy filled with delightful surprises
  • My life is a joy filled with love, fun and friendship all I need do is stop all criticism, forgive, relax and be open.
  • I choose love, joy and freedom, open my heart and allow wonderful things to flow into my life.

I am trying to use positive affirmations daily to help get rid of all the negative in my life. Positive affirmations DO WORK! If you want to read more about creating your own go HERE. I found these affirmations above on this site and it explains how they work and why. Everyone uses affirmations on a daily basis- they may just not be positive.

"It has been demonstrated that nearly 90% of our thoughts are negative, no wonder we find ourselves struggling. Each negative thought or word is a negative affirmation and these nasty little beasts can be even more powerful than positive affirmations because we often find them easier to accept. It is these negative thoughts that feed and validate our negative internal beliefs. Under this kind of negative bombardment most people simply do not have the strength to break free of their negative thoughts and become hopelessly locked into their own (usually false) negative beliefs.

Positive affirmations are designed to challenge those negative beliefs and start to stem the flow of negative thoughts and words that seek to validate them. Affirmations are more than just repeating words. It is a whole process of becoming aware of your thoughts and words in everyday life, choosing to think and project happy positive thoughts. The more you can consciously inject the spirit of you affirmations into your daily thoughts and words, the quicker they will work for you."

Good stuff right?? I don't think we even realize how negative self talk can affect us. We are our own worst critics- that's for sure. It may sound a little weird the first time you say them - but it's so worth it! It's so easy to get caught up in all that negative self talk. I am struggling a bit with the visualization aspect but am trying. You can go HERE to read about that. Thought I would share for those of you who are interested. :) Got my blood work done this morning with the Doctor- and am excited to see how things are progressing at my ultra sound tomorrow. Still didn't get much sleep last night but I'm working on it.

Monday, September 5, 2011

Stimulation Phase


I started the stimulation phase of all this on Saturday. I basically had to add two more drugs to my injections and another 5 oral drugs to my list of my "daily drug cocktail." I did fine Saturday- the injection hurt a lot more since the medication stings and it's a LOT more fluid (hence a bigger needle)- but I felt fine minus a small headache. Sunday was AWFUL. I couldn't move out of bed- (besides for church) because my constant headache became a migraine. I am also limited right now to what I can do- no Ibuprofen, no exercise, no unprotected sex (odd) NO CAFFEINE - which is just adding to my headache. Not being able to take my regular Excedrin for a headache pretty much sucked. I decided to just go to bed- hoping that would help but I COULDN'T SLEEP! I am talking didn't get an ounce of sleep till 5:00 this morning. I am grateful I had no work because I would have stayed home otherwise. (2 melatonin and a Tylenol pm later- I finally got 5 hours of sleep) It's like I can feel this pressure in my stomach. Tomorrow I go in for blood work- the next day an ultra sound to check in on how my follicles are doing. Doc says I will look pregnant by the end of this week due to my ovaries getting a lot larger than normal. I can already feel all the pressure in my lower abdomen- doesn't feel good. Can't wait for this part to be over. Unfortunately this part will last everyday until September 14th...seems like forever. :( Especially when you are moody, exhausted, and craving caffeine! Jonny took good care of me- made my hot chocolate and popcorn (my pre- pregnancy craving right now) Hopefully today will be better.

Saturday, September 3, 2011

Well Said

This Blog wrote about the recent face book breast awareness game that was hitting a little too close to home. I understand the point of it was to peak people's interest and possibly raise awareness- but I truly believe there are other less hurtful ways to do this. Each time I read someones post it stung just a bit- "faking" a pregnancy can be hurtful- hopefully we can find other means to raise awareness.